My favorite song of all time is "Lover, You Should've Come Over" by Jeff Buckley. It's also my biggest red flag. The song is about a man who lets the love of his life get away for pretty much no reason. Some interpret it as a song about infidelity. I just say it's the toxic person's anthem. Our lonesome man knows he should treat his lover better, but he blames his youth for why he can't.
"Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong" is one of the best lyrics ever put to melody — but a cop-out is a cop-out.
While I'm not here to talk about breakup songs — you can find those here — I am here to muse about how art, whether it's film or cinema, can make it feel romantic to be kind of toxic. We see unhealthy, unrealistic portrayals of love all the time. We hear that we should stick by our lover no matter what. We see people, usually heroines, sacrificing themselves and their value for medicore men with good hair. Oh, to be a 90s movie heartthrob and have it all for doing nothing.
For example, the 2022 season 2 of White Lotus basically moralized playing games with your partner to keep them interested. We cheered on as characters deceived, manipulated, and cheated on their partners — most of them ending up happier than ever.
But this trope goes way further than the lifetime I've been waiting for White Lotus Season 3. The saying "All's fair in love and far," alludes to this sentiment: when it comes to love, we want to believe that the end justifies the means.
Whether or not this is true, on Valentine's Day we replace these notions with cliches like hearts and candy. Love is suddenly a sappy, saccharine affair about devotion and dedication. Even if you're toxic during the rest of the year, Valentine's Day begs you to be wholesome and happy.
I say, no, thank you. Valentine's Day makes me want to sink into the very bottom depths of my Jeff Buckley-inspired longing and dream of the kind of love Taylor Swift was talking about in "Cruel Summer" and "The Way I Love You." The kind that Jeff Buckley was screaming, crying, throwing up for. The kind that's codependent and problematic but hits so differently when you're in it.
Just for one day, let me be toxic. And let me start with these toxic romantic titles:
10 Things I Hate About You
It's in the title. Should hate be integral to love? I don't know, but I do know that I've never loved the "enemies to lovers" trope more than Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You. Their whole relationship is based on lies and invasions of her privacy all because she's a "shrew" — God forbid a girl read Sylvia Plath and back into your car on purpose. It's also an adaptation of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew, so here's the proof that toxic love goes back centuries. And we still can't get enough!
500 Days of Summer
500 Days of Summer is mostly toxic because it's so misunderstood. Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel shaped a generation. Too bad most of us didn't understand how problematic JGL's character was when we first watched it. Let this be a warning: run from anyone who makes liking The Smiths their whole personality. Long live the manic pixie dream girl.
Closer
Speaking of manic pixie dream girls, nothing beats Natalie Portman in Garden State, and Closer. Closer edges out the former on the toxic-scale because no one is redeeming in this ensemble cast. Julia Roberts, Jude Law, and Clive Owen join Portman in the craziest, most compelling, love square filled with misunderstandings, missed connections, and a whole lot of lies.
The Family Stone
Speaking of love squares, The Family Stone takes keeping it in the family to a new level. Though this is technically a Christmas movie, it's larger-than-life plot and twisted, toxic take on accidental romance transcends the holiday. The all-star cast doesn't hurt either: Dermot Mulroney, Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Luke Wilson and Craig T. Nelson.
Forrest Gump
If you're doubtful about this film's place in the category, look beyond the warm and fuzzies the nostalgia gives you. It's a great movie, and Forrest might be wholesome, but just like that box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get. From his obsession with Jenny to her pretty much using him at the end when her life takes a turn, toxic romance really does span decades.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ever get wrecked by a relationship so bad you feel like you need a lobotomy to forget about it? Yet somehow, the good times in these relationships feel the sweetest. What you need: a therapy session. Then, a rewatch of Tumblr favorite, Eternal Sunshine.
Stuck In Love
This movie follows the members of one family, recently wracked by divorce, as they try to find and keep love. Their stumbling attempts reflect their own traumas and how their family determined their relationships to others. All this to say: it's toxic on purpose, and that's enough for me. Logan Lerman is one of the few redeemable characters in this.
After
Anything that started as a Wattpad book is going to be the most toxic thing you've ever watched. Especially if it began as a One Direction fan fiction about Harry Styles. But if you're in the mood to actually rot your brain, start here.
Twilight
You knew this was coming. Beyond the Mormon propaganda of it all, this is just an insanely codependent relationship that rewired the brains of a whole generation at an early age. No wonder we all crave unreal, unhealthy relationships. Don't even get me started on Jacob and Renesmee.
Gone Girl
The fact that I think Gone Girl is romantic says everything you need to know. But they end up together in the end and that's what matters! Sorry to EmRata's character. Toxic recognizes toxic.
Jennifer's Body
Male manipulators, rise!
Hulu's High Fidelity
Honorable mention: While High Fidelity was originally a novel adapted into a movie starring John Cusack, the Hulu revival starring Zoe Kravitz and Da'Vine Joy Randolph is a force to be reckoned with. Kravitz as Rob is inspiring in her insufferable personality. And, of course, in her outfits. She inspired everyone in Bushwick to dress well and blame everyone else for their problems. My hero.
I remember exactly where I was when I first watched it: the trailer for Challengers starring Zendaya, Mike Faist, and Josh O'Connor. That was my Super Bowl. It had everything: besties, bisexuality, and Zendaya in that Blonde bob.
I had waited months to finally get a glimpse of Zendaya's collaboration with Luca Guadagnino. Ever since the film had been announced, we'd savored clips of Zendaya practicing her tennis game, Tomdaya strolling around Boston on location, and even her judgemental looks (and flawless courtside fashion) at Wimbledon and the US Open.
And just when we were on the precipice of a legendary press tour — that was supposed to include a stop at the Venice International Film Festival — it was taken away from us by the SAG strike.
Challengers was originally slated to premiere on September 15, 2023. Due to the strike, it was pushed back to April 26th, 2024. You can understand my devastation. Especially since Challengers was not the only casualty of the strike. Many films were pushed from late 2023 release dates and into 2024. Luckily, we had some bangers to close out the year. But we have been so brave and, in the new year, we are about to be rewarded.
2024 promises a slew of highly anticipated films. And not just delayed projects, but other cinematic delights that we've been waiting years for. And with the press circuit back and better than ever, we also have promotional interviews, red carpets, and more to look forward to. After Barbie put on a marketing masterclass, next year promises to take it up a notch. And I, quite frankly, cannot wait.
Here are some of our most anticipated titles in 2024:
Challengers, April 26
It goes without saying that I'll be first in line when tickets are finally released. Join me to watch Zendaya play a retired tennis star in the middle of a years-long love triangle. All directed by the man who made Call Me By Your Name.
Dune: Part II, March 15
Speaking of delayed Zendaya projects, Dune's long-awaited sequel is finally coming. Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya will be joined by Austin Butler and Florence Pugh — which is enough for me.
Argylle, February 2
If you can't wait until the Spring, don't worry, Argylle will be out in February. It promises to be a hilarious take on the spy genre that subverts all the old tropes and cliches. It stars Dua Lipa and Henry Cavill. We're in for a delightfully ridiculous treat.
The Fall Guy, May 3
Another comedic action film, The Fall Guy stars Ryan Gosling as a stunt man who becomes the hero of the screen when he has to save his ex, Emily Blunt. If you liked Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum in The Lost City, you'll love this.
Spaceman, March 1
Based on the book Spaceman of Bohemia by Jaroslav Kalfař, Adam Sandler is returning to dramatic roles with a movie that promises to be his next Uncut Gems or Punch Drunk Love. He stars alongside Paul Dano, Carey Mulligan, and Kunal Nayyar stars as an astronaut whose life unravels while he is on a mission.
Mean Girls: The Musical, January 12
While this might not be as giant as Barbie, this musical remake of the 2000s classic is already a hit. Starring Renee Rapp as Regina George, a role she has been playing on Broadway for years, I can't wait to relive all the iconic Mean Girls moments on the big screen.
The American Society of Magical Negroes, March 22
Black satire is back in a big way. After the success of 2023's American Fiction, I am excited to see another film that examines Black representation in pop culture. This satire stars Justice Smith as a man who enters a secret society of Black people who embody the "magical negro" trope.
Bob Marley: One Love, February 14
Biopics can be hit or miss, so fingers crossed that Kingsley Ben-Adir's turn as Jamaican singer and songwriter Bob Marley hits the right notes. Produced in partnership with the Marley family, the film spotlights his life and career, including his political activism and fight for peace.
Mickey 17, March 29
One thing about me? I love an unsettling film — hence my devotion to Saltburn. Bong Joon-ho's first movie after Parasite, Mickey 17, promises to fit the bill. It stars A-List weirdo Robert Pattinson in an adapted tale about a man who dies and is reborn with memories of his past life.
Deadpool 3, July 26
Deadpool 3 might be the last good Marvel movie we get because it's looking pretty bleak for the next generation. Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds team up for this tale of Deadpool and Wolverine. The summer blockbuster we deserve.
Kraven: The Hunter, August 30
Hear me out: Aaron Taylor Johnson. Marvel is trying their best to replicate the success of Joker with their own villain origin story. Kraven is a Spiderman villain but, more than that, I would like to reiterate: Aaron Taylor Johnson.
Joker: Folie à Deux, October 4
Following the Oscar-winning success of the first Joker , DC is hoping this sequel will save them from the despair of 2023's The Flash. More than anything else, I'm curious to see Lady Gaga join Joaquin Phoenix as Harley Quinn.
Wicked, November 27
While movie-musicals have a spotty history (think: Cats and Les Mis), Wicked is so iconic I want to believe in it. It stars Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey, Ethan Slater, Marissa Bode, Michelle Yeoh, and Jeff Goldblum. The cast has already made headlines for Slater's relationship with Grande — it's giving Don't Worry Darling presstour-levels of chaos already.
Gladiator 2, November 22
Will 2024 make me an action movie stan? If Paul Mescal has anything to do with it, it's more likely than you think. Gladiator, the 2000 film starring Russell Crowe, spawned a generation of men thinking about the Roman Empire. Ridley Scott returns with this long-awaited sequel to hope he can strike lightning twice.
What a year for queer cinema! While we can all agree that Hollywood would be nothing and nowhere without the contributions of queer people, only in the past few decades have we seen queer stories in the mainstream. And as we see more complex representation on the big and small screen — narratives that aren’t set in the mid-80s, if you know what I mean — it’s refreshing to celebrate an abundance of queer perspectives.
It’s been a long road to get here. And after Bros flopped in 2021, I feared that mainstream studios would pull funding from queer stories. But 2023 is the gayest year in cinema in a long time. While not all of them were hits (Dicks: The Musical will not be appearing on this list), and though the strike almost pushed back more titles than we could handle, it was still a formidable year for a diverse array of LGBTQIA film perspectives and an exciting variety in genres.
Maybe the glut of streaming services has something to do with it. After all, every streamer needs their token queer original content. But we’ve also seen some wickedly funny and quietly heart-wrenching titles grace the big screen this year. There’s something for everyone. In fact, there are so many titles it’s a little hard to keep up.
For a refresher course on the year’s best queer television and film titles, and for recommendations of any you might have missed, here are the best LGBTQIA+ movies and TV that we watched this year:
Saltburn
My favorite movie of the year is undoubtedly this messy, mad tale of Oliver Quick and his time at Saltburn. It is the darkest, most disturbing film I've ever seen. I still don't quite know how to describe it. That queer yearning? That bathtub scene? Talk about a cruel summer.
Bottoms
Lesbian losers start a high school fight club. I can't say anything more except you will be laughing out loud and end up completely in love with Rachel Sennott and Ayo Edebiri — if you weren't already.
Heartstopper, Season 2
Season 2 of this Netflix triumph was even better, albeit sadder, than the first. It's the sweetest thing you'll ever watch, earnest and hopeful and addictive. It's the show queer teens deserve, and I envy everyone in high school who gets to watch this in their adolescent years. Nevertheless, it's my comfort show — despite the fact that it makes me cry every time.
All of Us Strangers
Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Jamie Bell. Need I say more? Their chemistry is unmatched, and too rare in queer romance dramas. More of this please!
Passages
The film for the polyamorous, non-monogamous era. Trust the French to make this messy queer film about a gay couple whose relationship is disrupted by a passionate affair with a woman.
Eileen
In this adaptation of Ottessa Moshfegh's novel, Anne Hathaway plays a sexy psychiatrist at a prison who captivates the unassuming young secretary. The two begin a charged friendship as the plot soon goes dark. If you liked Carol, you'll love this. This is Barbie for weird lesbians.
Rustin
The true, overlooked, story of civil rights activist Bayard Rustin is finally coming to light. The architect of 1963's momentous March on Washington, Bayard Rustin was one of the greatest activists and organizers of his generation, working side by side with MLK and his contemporaries. But his queerness pushed him to the sidelines. Colman Domingo stuns in this biopic.
The Other Two, Season 3
I miss this show already. Say what you want about Cary and Brooke but they were so real. This satirical portrait of life in the industry sends chills down my spine. And Drew Tarver's journey this season as a gay man looking for romance is hilarious, but also hits close to home for what it's like dating in the city.
Fellow Travelers
It's been Matt Bomer's year — we'll see him again on this list later, too. It's an epic love story through time, following Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey from the Lavender scare of the McCarthy Era of the 1950s through the AIDS crisis of the 1980s.
Red, White, & Royal Blue
Based on the bestselling YA novel, this is the campy, queer rom-com we deserve. Enemies to lovers? Check. High-stakes romance? Check. Happy ending? Plenty of them. And the hotties at the forefront of this phenomenon are about to be household names. Taylor Zakhar Perez and Nicholas Galitzine, thank you for your service.
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Universe
A completely different take on YA coming of age romance, this gorgeous take on Benjamin Alire Sáenz's novel is beautiful and poignant. With sharp cinematography and emotionally rich performances by actual teenagers, this feels like a Texas version of the European indie films I used to watch as a teen.
Everything Now
This new Netflix series takes on complex issues like Eating Disorders head on, but still somehow manages to create a charming and funny teen show. This is the next Sex Education, I'm calling it now
May is Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month, celebrating the culture and diversity within the AAPI community.
Why do we celebrate AAPI Heritage Month?
According to Cynthia Choi, co-executive director of Chinese for Affirmative Action and co-founder of Stop AAPI Hate the month is a time to speak out, share stories, and debunk myths about Asian communities.
"Our history is also filled with incredible stories of resilience, of persistence, of determination, to fight for our basic rights," Choi told NPR. "This is a celebration of our history, of our culture ... and all the different ways in which our community has really demonstrated that we're not only here to stay, we are a part of this fabric — a part of this country."
Given the rise in APPI violence over the past few years, we’ve seen the harm of reductive stereotypes about Asian communities. We also saw the proliferation of the model minority myth this year through Edward Bloom (boo boo, tomato tomato) and his anti-Affirmative Action case using an Asian plaintiff. Big yikes all around!
Asian Americans, whether they were born here or are immigrants, are subjected to the perpetual foreigner stereotype. This is the phenomenon in which people of Asian descent are treated like outsiders in America, instead of as part of the fabric of American culture. People always assume they are “from” somewhere else, and Asians are often excluded from cultural narratives and even conversations about race and inclusion.
This is the root of many awkward conversations, sure, but it’s also a source of so much of the violence perpetrated on the community. We can see this in recent years, and also in practices like Japanese internment camps during WW2, where many Japanese people, including American-born citizens, were sequestered in camps just because of their heritage. AAPI Heritage Month is an important time to amplify these moments in our history and connect them to aspects of our current climate that need changing and addressing.
As harmful narratives spread around the country, it’s important to amplify the voices, stories, and work of the AAPI community.
As a lover of film and TV, one way I experience other cultures and stories is through art. As Hollywood has gotten more diverse, storytelling is more expansive. Now, more features are complicating AAPI representation through a dynamic and diverse lens.
Streaming platforms are making the most major strides toward representation. According to a report by both the data and analytics media company Nielsen and the nonprofit Gold House, streaming programs have twice the Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) representation that broadcast programs have — with even more disparity compared to cable programs, to which streaming has three times the representation.
However, there is still work to do on all fronts. As consumers, watching AAPI-led and created content will encourage the industry to keep taking steps in the right direction.
Here are some of the best AAPI-focused titles to stream now:
BEEF
A road rage incident between two strangers — a failing contractor and an unfulfilled entrepreneur — sparks a feud that brings out their darkest impulses. This surprising, empathetic, energetic tale is captivating and compassionate. You won't be able to look away.
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
Directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, collectively known as Daniels, the film is a hilarious and big-hearted sci-fi action adventure about an exhausted Chinese American woman (Michelle Yeoh) who goes on an existential, metaphysical journey to find herself, fix her family, and do her taxes.
Always Be My Maybe
Childhood sweethearts have a falling out and don't speak for 15 years, only reconnecting as adults when Sasha runs into Marcus in San Francisco. Although the old sparks are still there, the couple live in different worlds. Plus, the viral Keanu Reeves meme is from here.
Crazy Rich Asians
Rachel Chu is happy to accompany her longtime boyfriend, Nick, to his best friend's wedding in Singapore. She's also surprised to learn that Nick's family is extremely wealthy and he's considered one of the country's most eligible bachelors. Thrust into the spotlight, Rachel must now contend with jealous socialites, quirky relatives and something far, far worse -- Nick's disapproving mother.
Parasite
Greed and class discrimination threaten the newly formed symbiotic relationship between the wealthy Park family and the destitute Kim clan.
Minari
A Korean American family moves to an Arkansas farm in search of its own American dream. Amidst the challenges of this new life in the strange and rugged Ozarks, they discover the undeniable resilience of family and what really makes a home.
Burning
Jong-soo runs into Hae-mi, a girl who once lived in his neighborhood, and she asks him to watch her cat while she's out of town. When she returns, she introduces him to Ben, a man she met on the trip. Ben proceeds to tell Jong-soo about his hobby.
Squid Game
Hundreds of cash-strapped contestants accept an invitation to compete in children's games for a tempting prize, but the stakes are deadly.
Fire Island
A group of queer best friends gather in the Fire Island Pines for their annual week of love and laughter, but when a sudden change of events jeopardizes their summer in gay paradise, their bonds as a chosen family are pushed to the limit.
Your Name Engraved Here Within
Adapted from the Director Patrick Liu's high school memories, Your Name Engraved Herein is about two high school boys in an all-male boarding school exploring their friendship and genuine love for each other against the backdrop of the 1980s when Taiwan recently lifted its strict martial law, amid a transition from conservative society to become the most LGBTQ-friendly country in Asia. When the boarding school begins admitting females, their relationship faces an ultimate test with the emergence of a schoolgirl.
The Half of It
A shy, Chinese-American student helps the school jock woo a girl whom, secretly, they both desire. They find themselves connecting and learning about the nature of love.
To All the Boys
What if all the crushes you ever had found out how you felt about them…all at once? Lara Jean Song Covey’s love life goes from imaginary to out of control when the love letters for every boy she’s ever loved—five in all– are mysteriously mailed out. From New York Times Bestselling Author, Jenny Han, the film adaption of the popular YA novel stars Lana Condor (Alita: Battle Angel, X-Men: Apocalypse), Janel Parrish (Pretty Little Liars) and Noah Centineo (Sierra Burgess Is A Loser, The Fosters), directed by Susan Johnson.
The Summer I Turned Pretty
Check out the official trailer for The Summer I Turned Pretty, a new series based on the New York Times bestselling book. Every summer, Belly and her family head to the Fishers’ beach house in Cousins. Every summer is the same… until Belly turns sixteen. Relationships will be tested, painful truths will be revealed, and Belly will be forever changed. It’s a summer of first love, first heartbreak and growing up — it's the summer she turns pretty.
There’s a scene in Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Little Women that goes down in history as one of my favorites in all of cinema.
In it, Saoirse Ronan, who plays the spirited and independent Jo March, gives a monologue about how women are expected to be one dimensional — either opinionated or loved, smart or pretty, dedicated to her career or to her husband.
In her frustration, she says: “Women … they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition, and they've got talent, as well as just beauty. I'm so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for.”
It’s a powerful scene, carrying a powerful sentiment, but it doesn’t end there. After her triumphant declaration, Jo breaks down, revealing what she’s ashamed to admit to herself: “But I'm so lonely.”
This monumental scene is both emotional and political. Her poignant but vulnerable musings express the central tension of the film: the desire to be seen as a complex, capable individual while society tries to pin you down as the opposite.
What’s so special about that scene — besides Saoirse’s acting masterclass — is that Jo is putting language to something that so many of us can’t name. Although this is super relatable to most women, it’s difficult to accept that despite the advancement of women over the years, so much of this is still true today. Socially, women are taught to view themselves as less deserving and when they assert that they’re worth more, they’re often punished.
In most cases, sexism is so ingrained in society that it takes years to apprehend the unconscious biases that plague our daily life. This sexism gets reinforced by the media because until recently men created the representation of women.
This is why the presence of women in media is so critical. Telling female-driven stories help reshape how women see themselves outside of the strictures of the male gaze.
Directors like Greta Gerwig are more and more common — women telling dynamic, well-rounded stories about the diversity and expansiveness of the female experience.
In Gerwig’s podcast conversation with Barry Jenkins for A24, she discusses the monumental importance of being mentored by female directors. “I'd never met a young woman who said she wanted to be a director … I had fallen in love with film, but it just still felt out of reach. And all of a sudden I was like, Oh, wait, are we allowed to say we want to do this?”
From her undergrad days as a fledgling director to now, Gerwig notes how much has changed for female directors. And how revolutionary it is.
In the podcast, Gerwig continues: “People are like this year of “women in film.” And I’m like, not only do you have Sofia Coppola and Kathryn Bigelow, you also have Maggie Betts and Dee Rees and Valerie Faris and me and Patty Jenkins and Angelina Jolie. And those are all very visible films.”
It’s not just the number Gerwig is impressed by, but also the variety. She continues. “There's thousands more. And that is an extraordinary moment, I think. And those are all such different films from each other. It's not like, “Here is the kinds of films women make.” It's like, I can't think of two films more different from Battle of the Sexes to Mudbound to Wonder Woman.”
Gerwig is right. All these films vary greatly, but they’re equally reflective of a moment where women are rapidly gaining agency.
You can see the difference. There are even memes about how heartthrobs like Timothee Chalamet and Harry Styles seem like Men Written By Women. In a world where famed directors like Tarantino famously and unflinchingly depict violence against women — I won't even get into the Sam Levinson/The Weeknd drama on set of The Idol — it's refreshing to enjoy the female gaze, rather than the oft-reductive male gaze.
So bask in the glory of The World By Women. Here are just a few of the best female-directed films that are streaming now:
Lady Bird, Netflix
via A24
Because of my affinity for Greta Gerwig and Saoirse Ronan, it’s no surprise that Lady Bird is first on my list. In the podcast, Jenkins describes its magic saying: “you're watching this movie … and everybody's laughing their heads off the first 45 minutes and then you start to hear a few people sniffling in the back and on the side and then you realize, I'm watching a very, very heavy, sad kind of film. And it all coalesces into this very hopeful kind of thing that feels earned.”
Mudbound, Netflix
Every emotion you’ve ever felt is perfectly rendered in the award-winning feature, Mudbound. Director Dee Ross places the audience in the post-war South, watching the splintering of two families — one white, one Black. It’s more than worth all the heavy feelings it evokes.
Till, Amazon Prime
We should all be talking about Chinonye Chukwu. The director behind Till, one of the most heart wrenching films of 2022, was the first Black woman to win the U.S. Dramatic Grand Jury Prize at Sundance fro Clemency in 2019. Till depicts the famous racial tragedy of the lynching of Emmett Till, focusing on the journey of his mother, Mamie Till-Mobley, as she pursued justice.
The Woman King, Netflix
How to describe The Woman King. Part action film, part social commentary, the film depicts the true narrative of the Agojie, a female fighting unit in the Kingdom of Dahomey in 1820. A slate of incredible actors, including Viola Davis and Lashana Lynch are powerfully directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood.
Kajillionaire, HBO
Run, don’t walk, and see this unforgettable film. Miranda July’s feature is about many things — con artists, California living, a bubble factory, and waiting for The Big One. But mostly, it’s about tenderness. It’s likely the strangest movie you’ll ever see, but it’s one that will stay with you forever.
Do Revenge
via Netflix
Finally, a good high school film! Taking all its cues from the iconic teen dramedies of the 90s, Do Revenge is more than just another YA Netflix movie. For starters, it's good. Really good. Behind the incredible costume design, Sarah Michelle Geller cameo, and carefully curated cinematography, it's a story about how we treat women. And how women treat each other. Directed by Jennifer Kaytin Robinson, this film will go into the anti-hero hall of fame.
Women Talking, Apple TV
In this revelatory Oscar-nominated adaptation of the Miriam Towes novel, the women of an isolated religious colony reveal a shocking secret about the men in their community. This film mixes the heavy with the lighthearted for an immersive, unique watch.
Promising Young Woman, HBO
One of the buzziest dramas in recent years, Promising Young Women is not another trite take capitalizing on the political moment. It’s a real meditation on pain, morality, revenge, and the worst parts of ourselves and the people around us. This is another heavy watch, but its fast pace and provocative questions will remain in your mind long after.
Clueless, HBO
This nostalgic 90s classic is the perfect example of what happens when women are in the driver’s seat. Based on Jane Austen’s Emma, this whimsical adaptation is as charming as Cher — based on the novel’s titular Emma Woodhouse — is handsome, clever, and rich. There’s a version of this film in which Cher is merely a shallow object built for our ridicule and to serve as comedic relief. However, Cher is complex, redeemable, and the center of a film ultimately about female friendships.
Nomadland, Hulu
Chloe Zhao is one of the industry’s best and brightest. She shot to fame after the success of Nomadland, a startlingly beautiful exploration of the American West. This award-winning feature made history when Zhao won best director. It’s the perfect balance of sweeping landscapes and displays of personal emotion.
She Said
The Me Too movement changed our culture forever. Directed by Maria Schrader, She Said tells the story of the women behind the movement. It follows the journies of Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey in their New York Times investigation to exposed Harvey Weinstein's history of abuse and sexual misconduct against women.
Like most NYU students, Christine from Lady Bird needed therapy
It's a tale as old as time: the search for catharsis.
And since movies are the form of storytelling most apt for mindless escapism, film tropes have emerged to give us the satisfying feeling of catharsis through well-worn story structure and character formulations.
Every genre of film has seen iterations of the cathartic "hero's journey": violent blockbusters, fantasy epics, even charming indies. When executed well, you have a great film. But even a subpar movie can give that feeling of release if it follows some of the tried and true story elements — hence the endless Fast & Furious, Mission Impossible, James Bond sequels, and the like.
Most often, the exchange between tension and catharsis is played up every summer for major box office films. The majority of these star mysterious, jaded protagonists who are looking for catharsis through revenge or triumph. What draws us to these characters is often their rugged determination and their single-minded focus. These protagonists (mostly men) are often successful in their pursuits … but at what cost?
As we become more and more aware of the toxic messaging of culture and media, and more and more knowledgeable about mental health, some of the classic hero tropes are beginning to lose their aspirational luster. The proliferation of characters who are textbook definitions of toxic masculinity or male fantasies of "damaged" women no longer has the hold on us that it once had.
As filmmaking becomes more complex, different and diverse stories are making their way to the forefront, moving even mainstream movies away from contrived formulas and one-dimensional protagonists. And with increased access to and conversation about mental health, characters are getting more self-aware and films are increasingly exploring characters on journeys to catharsis through self-knowledge and therapy.
As we acclimate to a new era and move away from the overly familiar angst and aggressions of tropic protagonists, rewatching iconic films often begs the question: What if this character had just … gone to therapy?
Bruce Wayne in "Batman"
Pretty much every popular superhero should be in therapy. Most of their origin stories depend on some unresolved trauma that they work through by saving everybody else. Peter Parker feeling responsible for Uncle Ben's death? Therapy. Orphaned alien Clark Kent? Therapy. Bruce Wayne watching his parents die and inheriting billions of dollars as a kid? Therapy.
And because Bruce Wayne's origin story doesn't depend on any mutations or supernatural ability, his entire superhero persona is built out of a childhood fear of bats (more therapy) and money he could have used to fund community programs to reduce crime — someone should have given him a book on abolitionist theory, too — instead of engineering technology to fight it himself.
The Christian Bale iteration of Batman (because we don't talk about George Clooney's nipple-heavy Batman suit, nor Ben Affleck's Zack Snyder version) sees the young Bruce Wayne searching for meaning and purpose in the wake of his parent's death. But instead of going on a stoic sojourn to learn hand-to-hand combat, he should have just talked to someone.
The fantasy genre is also ridden with orphaned children who turn their trauma into the pursuit for justice. The most popular example has to be Harry Potter. After a life of torment and mistreatment by his uncle and aunt, Harry gets to live out the fantasy of any neglected child: escape.
And somehow, going off to Hogwarts and coming into his parents' money seemed to solve everything for Harry — though who is going to talk about the fact that he squandered his obscene wealth on novelty candy, quidditch gear, and butterbeer while his best friend lived in poverty?
Sure, he endured years of abuse at home and watched some of his friends die in the war against the dark arts (RIP Cedric Diggory, Robert Pattinson's most iconic role), but everything turned out fine.
In reality, Harry's internal struggles about his parents, his childhood, and even his more Slytherin side could have been a lot less emotionally taxing if he had gone to therapy. And maybe he wouldn't have ended up becoming the magic world's equivalent of a cop, either.
The Narrator in "Fight Club"
The narrator in Fight Club is famously suffering from insomnia and probably anxiety from his dissatisfaction with his life — so much so that he lives in a disembodied state and creates an imagined version of himself. And though he seeks out sleeping medication and support groups, his unexamined life is the cause of his extreme dissociation.
Though he blames the monotomy of consumerist society (and he does makes some points, hence the cultish following the book and film have both garnered), looking for meaning through physical violence and hyper masculine aggression is not the answer — which was, in fairness, Chuck Palahniuk's point.
And while the narrator has a revelation about his mental state at the end, he never truly comes to terms with the deep-seated emotional unrest that started him on his downward path. He's a prime candidate for therapy, and so is every member of the fight club, as well as anyone in real life who tells you it's their favorite book and film for any reason other than Brad Pitt circa 1999. That's a cry for help.
Cliff Booth in "Once Upon a Time In ... Hollywood"
Speaking of Brad Pitt, he was undoubtedly the highlight of Quentin Tarantino's 2019 Once Upon a Time in … Hollywood. The film, a love letter to Hollywood and the '70s, starred Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt as an actor-stunt double duo, a combination which made for a glorious press tour and an even more glorious award season filled with Brad Pitt acceptance speeches that felt like a Mr. Congeniality tour, and we were here for it.
But, like any Tarantino production, Once Upon a Time in … Hollywood was deeply flawed. The classic Tarantino revenge fantasy played out a version of the '70s in which the Manson murder of Sharon Tate never happened becuase it was stopped in its tracks by Leo and Brad's characters. But despite the retributive ending, Brad's character, Cliff Booth, had a lot to answer for.
The repressed violence which he unleashed on the would-be murderers is moralized by his righteous victory but is more sinister than the resolution makes it seem. A key, but under discussed character point is that Booth was rumored to have killed his wife for being … annoying? There is also a scene in which he attacks a fictionalized, highly stereotyped version of Bruce Lee while on set … also for being annoying.
And while all is well that ends well for Cliff Booth, we could have done without the problematic violence that was one of the baselines of his character. Or, at the very least, he could have done with some therapy.
Barry Egan in "Punch Drunk Love"
Adam Sandler might be known for his goofy slapstick comedy, but his most celebrated roles are those in which he plays neurotic, anxious characters who get themselves into more trouble than they need to.
Most recently, 2019's Uncut Gems sees Sandler as a self-sabotaging jewelry merchant who comes into some luck and quickly loses it. But the precursor to this role is his role in Paul Thomas Anderson's Punk Drunk Love. Sandler plays Barry Egan, an anxious, shy man who is prone to the occasional violent outburst.
The movie follows Barry as he tries to pursue love while the pressure mounts from all sides — his overbearing family, his job, an extortionist, his own internal monologue. Egan's actions push him further and further into a spiral which could have been alleviated had he just gone to therapy, from finding the confidence to pursue his love interest to dealing with the pressures of his work and his family to addressing his violent bursts and self-criticism.
The Entirety of "The Breakfast Club"
Nothing has come close to capturing the suburban teen mood as well as the cultish charms of John Hughes films in the 80s. And while time has illuminated the way in which they were problematic and exclusive, they still have an appeal to even teenagers now.
What has kept them transcendent is their focus on teen anxieties, which make young people feel, in some ways, understood. The Breakfast Club is undoubtedly John Hughes's magnum opus for its timelessness. In a way, the characters act out a version of a support group and group therapy, finding catharsis through sitting on the library floor, talking out their feelings and writing a manifesto for the ages.
It's comforting, especially when you watch and marvel at The Breakfast Club for the first time as a trembling ball of teenage need, to think that you can confess all your secrets to a group of friends and suddenly be healed. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Though they practice some of the pillars of therapy, talking about their lives, thoughts, feelings, and upbringings, each of the characters is a prime candidate for actual therapy, more than a moment of tenderness with a group of strangers can provide.
Jamie Rellis in "Friends with Benefits"
It's not just men that are thrust into tropes that think "complexity" is interchangeable with "emotionally stunted, repressed, and in desperate need of professional guidance." However, women are usually portrayed this way by men who don't give them the same agency as their male counterparts. Instead of the rescuer, they're the rescued. Instead of powerful and calculating, they're seen as heartless and unlovable — until they can finally open up again for the right man.
A lot of the time, this is the formula for romantic comedies in which stressed out, career-obsessed women need only one thing to solve their problems: a man. Even in self-aware romantic comedies which try to subvert the genre fall into the same trap. In Friends with Benefits, Mila Kunis plays Jamie Rellis, a fast-talking, brusk New Yorker who wants love but settles for an entanglement with J*stin T*mberlake's character, Dylan.
Jamie is supposed to be "not like other girls" because she's "realistic" about love, despite being a romantic at heart … which scares potential partners away. But her backstory, which is dropped into the film during conversation to establish her character without doing any of the work, reveals that she still hasn't processed her childhood trauma — an absent father, an unreliable mother, an unstable living situation.
But all of these details are just fodder for her quirkiness, and despite the ways they come up in her life and continually leave her disappointed, they are never addressed beyond her search for romance. Like most romantic comedies, what eventually completes Jamie is, you guessed it, love and grand gestures.
The romantic-comedy industrial complex has primed so many of us to think of relationships as the solutions to our problems, and that the "right person" will either accept us as we are or fix us. But bringing trauma into relationships will never end well, no matter what the end of Friends with Benefits tells you.
Every Manic Pixie Dream Girl Ever
Perhaps the most ubiquitous therapy-ready trope that women are thrust into in films is the manic pixie dream girl who is defined as a woman who "exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."
The term was coined in reference to Kirsten Dunst's character in Elizabethtown and is pretty much everywhere. Often, what makes these characters so quirky and full of disdain for the conventions of life is their own trauma. These women, all alone in their white girl pain (a phrase used by Safy-Hallan Farah), are defined by their own vague sadnesses, which never get the chance to be addressed because they're not the focus of the movie.
So take all the MPDGs to therapy, give them their lives back, and free them from the clutches of these boring white men — who all need therapy, too.
Amy Dunne in "Gone Girl"
In an attempt to give back female characters' agency and subvert many of the tired tropes of women, Gillian Flynn wrote Gone Girl to give women a good villain. In a 2006 essay, Flynn wrote: "I've grown quite weary of the spunky heroines, brave rape victims, soul-searching fashionistas that stock so many books … I particularly mourn the lack of female villains — good, potent female villains."
With this in mind, Gone Girl, both the book and its film adaptation, gives us Amy Dunne, who fakes her own murder and watches her husband take the blame, only to end up forced back with him when her plan backfires. The saga is no doubt entertaining, and though it has been interpretated as feminist by some and mysoginistic by others, what can not be doubted is that Amy Dunne was in need of therapy.
The seemingly perfect wife claims in the infamous "cool girl monologue" that she, as women everywhere do, tailored herself into a version of the woman her husband wanted. The cool girl trope has been endlessly used — and some say it has evolved into a version of "cool girls" on social media who exist not to satisfy the male gaze but for social validation from other "cool girls" — but if anyone is out here changing their whole personality for external approval, this is your sign to attend therapy.
And if anyone is planning to frame their husband for their murder because they found out he is cheating, also time for therapy.
Lady Bird in "Lady Bird"
An instant cult classic, 2017's Lady Bird is the journey of a '90s era high school senior trying to escape the suburbs and her life on "the wrong side of the tracks." She tries her hand at escape tactics of the imagination: reinvention through her new name, theatre, relationships, and straight out lies about her life.
But Lady Bird (nee Christine) cannot actually escape her home, her circumstances, or her tumultuous relationship with her mother. The Greta Gerwig picture is tender, emotional, and artfully complex, painting a complicated picture of a complicated life. It seems for a moment that Christine won't get the escape she wants, and she will reckon with her life in some other way, but at the last minute, she is whisked away by an acceptance to NYU and goes off to the big city.
Promptly, she becomes that kid who gets rushed off to the hospital with alcohol poisoning at her first college party. After that experience, she has an epiphany and sends a letter to her mother which hints at reconciliation. But Christine is still reconciling with so much, and her penchant for drama and avoidance of her real life really ought to be addressed beyond her nostalgia.
Lady Bird is part of the zeitgeist of women-led stories which are unflinchingly intimate with flawed, lovable characters. But some of them could be spared a world of trouble by attending therapy. Here's to hoping.
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