CULTURE

Lights, Camera, Cannes: What to Expect at Cannes 2023

Cannes Film Festival 2023 is almost here, spotlighting all the most exciting — and surprising — films coming soon to cinema and streaming

Cannes Film Festival 2023 Official Poster

Official poster - 76th edition © Photo de Jack Garofalo/Paris Match/Scoop – Création graphique © Hartland Villa

In Amazon Prime’s latest smash hit, Jury Duty, there’s a scene that’s become the subject of many social media screen grabs. In it, actor James Marsden, speaking as himself, is asked if he’s ever served on a jury. “Yes,” he replies, elaborating later, “Cannes.”

Part of the hilarity of this line rests on how iconic Cannes Film Festival is. While irrelevant in a court of law, Cannes is integral to cinema lovers around the globe for its elevation of phenomenal films and the championing of exquisite art and artists.

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CULTURE

12 Surprising Celebrity Siblings

Not all celebrity siblings are as obvious as the Hemsworths

Hollywood

Photo by De'Andre Bush on Unsplash

Celebrity siblings are the best.

When they aren't goofing around and having the same kind of fun we have with our siblings (while generally being much more attractive) they are occasionally getting into slap fights and reminding us to be glad we don't have a family reality show.

Some famous siblings like Chris Hemsworth and Liam Hemsworth, Jake Gyllenhaal and Maggie Gyllenhaal, the Olsen twins and the Kardashians basically come as a set. Others like Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen are less obvious. Today is the day we look deeper to celebrate all the celebrity siblings we've overlooked.

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TV

What Franchise Will "Game of Thrones" Showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss Ruin Next?

What's next for the geniuses behind the "lady-folks and jocks" model of human interest?

D B Weiss and David Benioff

Joanne Davidson/Shutterstock

When I learned that Game of Thrones alum David Benioff co-wrote X-Men Origins: Wolverine–the movie that portrayed the 4th-wall-breaking antihero Deadpool as a skinhead with his mouth sewn shut–it made a lot of sense.

After all, Benioff and his GOT co-showrunner D.B. Weiss have a proven knack for treating beloved franchises like sh*t.

Finally breaking their silence after the overwhelmingly negative fan reception to the Game of Thrones series finale, Benioff & Weiss participated in a, quite frankly, baffling panel at Austin Film Festival. One Twitter user live-tweeted the discussion, wherein Benioff & Weiss almost seemed to brag about how inexperienced they were going into the project and how little respect they showed to the source material.

Highlights include Benioff & Weiss removing fantasy elements from the...you know...fantasy series in order to better appeal to "mothers" and "NFL players."


Then, right after revealing their ingenious "lady-folks and jocks" model of human interest, Benioff and Weiss abandoned the massive Star Wars project they were planning to helm in favor of their massive two million dollar deal at Netflix. But while this is certainly a boon for Star Wars fans, whose beloved franchise is now safe from the dull-blade hands of the two biggest hacks in Hollywood, it begs the question: What other franchises are now at risk of being destroyed by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss?

The Legend of Zelda

the legend of zeldaNintendo

There have long been rumors that beloved Nintendo franchise, The Legend of Zelda, will be adapted for Netflix by Castlevania producer Adi Shankar. And while not everyone loves the idea of Zelda getting turned into a TV show by anyone, Castlevania is an incredibly promising example of a great animated adaptation of a great video game franchise.

But the problem with rumors is that they're unconfirmed, so here's a worst case scenario that still exists within the distinct realm of possibility:

Netflix really is putting out a show based on The Legend of Zelda, but it's being run by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss. Worst of all, Benioff and Weiss subscribe to a particularly venomous brand of awful whereby their work initially seems great and competent, only to sh*t all over itself halfway through once you're already invested. In other words, Benioff and Weiss aim to truly waste your time, getting you excited and then crushing all your hopes and dreams with terrible writing and ridiculous plotting.

Their Zelda adaptation would probably follow Link and Zelda as they wage battle against the evil Ganondorf in order to save Hyrule. We'd spend the first half of the story experiencing Link and Zelda's growth as characters, juxtaposed with Ganondorf's descent into madness as he's built up into an unstoppable foe. Then, halfway through, Ganondorf would get anticlimactically murdered by Tingle, who would then become the God-Emperor of Hyrule, much to everyone's chagrin. The next four seasons would follow Tingle as he romances Epona the horse and opens a pie shop. Benioff and Weiss would probably think this was a good idea, because there are too many Zelda games for them to properly draw themes from, and "a man in spandex having sex with a horse" would probably really speak to them on a visceral level.

Naruto

NarutoShueisha


In a lot of ways, the beloved anime/manga series Naruto is right up Benioff and Weiss' alley: It's an epic saga spanning many years (and even generations), it has a rich lore full of deep characters and tactical battles, and best of all, Naruto is full of things that, if done incorrectly, could turn the story into an absolute trainwreck––the ol' Benioff and Weiss specialty.

In their version of Naruto, just like in the original, we would meet our plucky ninja hero as a young boy. The first season would follow him through Ninja school and his first few missions, his rivalry with Sasuke, his unrequited love for Sakura, and finally his confrontation with the mysterious killer assassin Zabuza and the real world of ninjas––a world full of violence and bloodshed.

Except in the Benioff and Weiss telling, subsequent seasons would shift perspective to a singing ninja (a bard, if you will) played by Ed Sheeran, who travels the ninja world showing his genitals to townsfolk and sometimes using ninjutsu to molest the women. That would be it. No more Naruto becoming a ninja; this isn't about Naruto. What, the fans wanted Naruto? Sorry, this is meant to appeal to a more general audience, namely "sexual predators." Benioff and Weiss won't be reading the Internet comments either, because what the fans want doesn't matter and they'd rather not have their feelings hurt.

Star Wars

Darth Vader20th Century Fox

What if: PSYCHE! Benioff and Weiss really are coming back to Star Wars; they just made you think they weren't, so you wouldn't be mad.

Imagine it's time for the new Star Wars movie, and oh boy, you nerds better be prepared for some crazy lightsaber action. Benioff and Weiss' Star Wars introduces us to a brand new Sith Lord, Darth Phallus, who uses his evil force powers to forcibly have sex with Stormtroopers during every exposition scene. This is because Benioff and Weiss aren't very good writers, and they hope that watching Darth Phallus assault Stormtroopers will make their shoddy dialogue seem edgy or something. But it's not, and there are no battles. This is just three 2-hour movies dedicated to an unhinged man raping Stormtroppers. Eat your hearts out, Star Wars fans, Benioff and Weiss are back!

But for now, the pair have wisely stepped away to focus on their deal with Netflix. Beware.

FILM

No US Company Wants To Screen Woody Allen's Film With Timothée Chalamet, Elle Fanning, Selena Gomez

Earlier this week, Woody Allen shared the trailer for A Rainy Day in New York, his unreleased film that may never be screened in US theaters.

Woody Allen recently acquired the distribution rights to A Rainy Day In New York from Amazon Studios, who had previously put a release hold on the title during the height of the #MeToo movement given the controversy surrounding Dylan Farrow's allegations against Allen.

Now, the director is looking for an American company to screen his 48th feature film, to little or no avail.

The trailer for Rainy Day reveals a movie that seems so rife with Allen tropes––a young girl pursued by an older man, contrived quirky dialogue, a jazzy soundtrack, and the backdrop of New York City as a character in its own right––to the point where it feels more like a parody than an original screenplay.

Timothée Chalament and Elle Fanning star as a college-aged couple whose weekend getaway to New York City takes a disastrous turn as they get entangled in romantic mishaps and inclement weather conditions. The star-studded ensemble also features Selena Gomez, Jude Law, Rebecca Hall, Liev Schreiber, and Diego Luna. Many of the actors expressed regret for working with Allen and some donated their profits from Rainy Day to various charities, including Time's Up.

A Rainy Day In New York was part of a four-movie deal Allen struck with Amazon Prime, which started off with 2016's Café Society followed by 2017's Wonder Wheel. After the company's decision to put the movie on a release hold, Allen filed a $68 million lawsuit against Amazon for breaching their contract over a "25-year-old, baseless allegation."

Earlier this week, Allen took to his Facebook page to post the trailer in an apparent self-promo, and also posted a photo of the movie poster with a caption touting, "Coming soon." Variety reported that Rainy Day In New York is set to release in France, Germany, and Italy, among a few other countries, but it's still unclear whether the film will be screened in U.S. theaters.

An anonymous source told Variety that a film distribution company potentially acquiring the film would be "death, publicity-wise."While some subscribe to the belief that sexual allegations can ruin a man's career, Allen is currently working on another film in Spain financed by the international media company MediaPro.