CULTURE

Meet the Man Who Wants to Sue the NFL for $867 Trillion (Because J. Lo Made Him Horny)

Coach Dave Daubenmire claims that the "crotch shots" in the Super Bowl Halftime show put him "in danger of hellfire."

Update 4/14/2021: Coach Dave is at it again.

This time he specifically called out Right Wing Watch before sharing his thoughts on the tragic killing of 20-year-old Daunte Wright by police officer Kimberly Potter in Brooklyn Center, Minnesota. After pulling Wright over — reportedly for having an air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror, Potter claims to have mistaken her gun for her taser, and fatally shot Wright as he was trying to get away from her.

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Culture Feature

9 Times Conservatives Proved They Love "Cancel Culture"

Boycotts and blacklists are tools conservatives perfected — they just don't like it when the tables are turned.

I don't want to alarm anyone, but...THE LEFT IS CANCELING MR. POTATO HEAD THEY'RE CANCELING DR. SEUSS, AND NEXT THEY'RE GOING TO CANCEL YOU!

It turns out that the political Left in the US is actually made up of various literary estates and multi-national toy corporations that are intent on destroying your cultural values by erasing the biological sex of a plastic potato and ending the publication of racist caricatures in some obscure books you were never going to read. But these are just the latest instances of what the Right-wing outrage machine has identified as a violent attack on free speech.

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CULTURE

The Sad, Strange Saga of "Papa John" Schnatter

"40 pizzas in the last 30 days," is just the latest twist

Update 3/8/2021: While "Papa John" Schnatter pushed the bounds of human achievement when he announced that he had eaten 40 pizzas in 30 days, it turns out that not everything comes so easy to him. In an interview with One America News Network, Schnatter claimed that over the last 20 months — a time period during which he could presumably have consumed 800 Papa John's pizzas — one of his primary focuses has been removing a single word from his vocabulary.

If you haven't already guessed which word that is — the "N-word" — you just don't know John Schnatter. His other two goals in that time period were to "figure out how" the Papa John's board of directors had managed to paint him as a racist, and to "get on with [his] life." Well, he should be in the clear as long as he avoids saying anything that makes him sound like an absurd caricature of a bigot who compulsively spouts racial slurs. Oh wait...

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Music Lists

6 Times Adam Levine Was a Total Dick

The Maroon 5 singer recently sat down for a cringe interview with Zane Lowe.

Adam Levine

Adam Levine is no stranger to the conversation surrounding his alleged douchery.

He's often even embraced it and, like many jerks before him, repeatedly tried to gaslight the public into loving him anyway. "You're a lead singer of a hot band," Cosmopolitan frankly asked the Maroon 5 frontman in 2009. "Does that automatically make you cocky?" "A little," the singer responded. "But in a playful, not arrogant way."

In an interview with Zane Lowe this morning, the singer — who has said in previous interviews that "no one knows how planes actually work" and that he "spends most of his life naked " — told the legendary radio host, among other things, that "there aren't any bands anymore."

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FILM

11 Football Movies Better Than the Super Bowl

"This is for Rudy, Coach." *sobs*

Rudy

The Super Bowl is upon us, which means millions of people will be emotionally investing in the man-on-man performance of football.

Despite being a child of a die-hard sports fan whose identity hinged upon the successes and failures of his favorite organization (the Cleveland Browns, I sh*t you not–can you imagine an entire lifetime of being fanatical over the Cleveland Browns?), I don't understand the hype around football.

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TV

Why Women In Sports Need #WomenInSports

This is what it is to be one of the #WomenInSports: It is a duality of being pushed down and lifted up solely because of our gender.

Erin Andrews, Joy Taylor, Jourdan Rodrigue and Jessica Kleinschmidt illustrate the experiences women face in the sports industry.

On December 2nd, the Baltimore Ravens and Pittsburgh Steelers played against one another in a rugged divisional matchup. Millions of Americans tuned in as announcer Cris Collinsworth intended to pay a compliment to an impressive group of Steelers fans he met. They just so happened to be women.

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