CULTURE

The Sad, Strange Saga of "Papa John" Schnatter

"40 pizzas in the last 30 days," is just the latest twist

Update 3/8/2021: While "Papa John" Schnatter pushed the bounds of human achievement when he announced that he had eaten 40 pizzas in 30 days, it turns out that not everything comes so easy to him. In an interview with One America News Network, Schnatter claimed that over the last 20 months — a time period during which he could presumably have consumed 800 Papa John's pizzas — one of his primary focuses has been removing a single word from his vocabulary.

If you haven't already guessed which word that is — the "N-word" — you just don't know John Schnatter. His other two goals in that time period were to "figure out how" the Papa John's board of directors had managed to paint him as a racist, and to "get on with [his] life." Well, he should be in the clear as long as he avoids saying anything that makes him sound like an absurd caricature of a bigot who compulsively spouts racial slurs. Oh wait...

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