This week's Vanderpump Rules kicked off with Stassi Schroeder holding down the fort in LA while the rest of the gang were partying it up in Miami.

However, much to her dismay, they were all due to arrive back in town, just as Shroeder gave her pal and only remaining #TeamStassi member, Kristina, a ride to SUR.

As Popdust previously reported, Stassi has been majorly pissed at Katie Maloney for going to Florida with the rest of the group. Stassi thought it was a betrayal for her to hang out with them, while Katie saw it as a good step for improving the relationship with her boyfriend.

On their way to SUR, Kristina told Stassi she understood why she was mad, but didn’t think that Katie had done anything wrong. Was she seriously, actually disagreeing with Stassi? Did she want to die a slow and painful death?

Meanwhile, inside the shit show that is SUR, Lisa Vanderpump was chatting with Jax Taylor and Katie. Katie told Lisa about how Stassi still wouldn’t speak to her. Queen V advised Katie to stand her ground, because she did nothing wrong. Oh, and Jax admitted he would give his left nut to be back with Stassi

Peter Madrigal had his sights set on the new girl, Vail. They sat out back and talked while on break. Peter flirted with her no end and Vail did it right back at him. They discussed what went down in Miami, and Vail denied having hooked up with Jax—but even a deaf, dumb and blind person could confirm that it happened. Good thing everyone at SUR doesn’t mind sloppy seconds—cause Peter was going in for the kill.

Kristen Doute, the certified lunatic, was hanging out with her boyfriend and Scheana Marie. Scheana discussed the stress of organizing her wedding seating chart. Oh my God, can anyone say #FirstWorldProblems?!!

Jax decided to dump his latest girlfriend, so naturally, he was now trying to get his other ex-girlfriend, Carmen, to be his date to Scheana’s wedding. Scheana asked Kristen about her conversation with Tom Sandoval in Miami and Kristen deviously smiled like the bat shit crazy bitch that she is. James, her pre-pubescent boyfriend, was annoyed that Kristen just refuses to shut the fuck up about Tom. And to be honest, I would be too.

Jax met up with Carmen, because, let’s be honest, basically he was looking for some ass. Sorry, just an assumption. Anywho, he basically begged her to come to the wedding with him. She looked at him like he had 17 heads, yet wanted to bang him at the same time. He told her he was sorry for the way things ended between them and for breaking up with her at a pizza shop.

Freakin’ classic. This dude is a catch, ladies.

Kristen and her friend, Rachael, went for a hike. Of course, she did nothing but talk about Tom. For some odd reason, she was borderline obsessed with this random Miami chick that was claiming to have banged Tom a few months back. This random chick was supposedly planning to come to Los Angeles to confront Tom. Kristen seemed as excited as a little kid at Christmas.

Why you ask? Well, if the rumor was true, she was hoping Ariana would break up with Tom and they would be able to get back together. Seems totally logical and level-headed—and not psychotic at all—right?

Peter finally found the balls to ask Vail out. It obviously wasn’t too clear though because she thought it was a coffee date between friends kinda deal. The two met around 5pm. She was ready to order tea, while he was ready to slug a bottle of wine. Their “date” was quite possibly the most awkward thing I’ve ever witnessed. Peter creepily stared at her the entire time. She thought about telling him she was a lesbian. Sorry, Peter, I think you’re gonna have to take the L on this one.

Leaving the best drama till last—Stassi and Katie finally met up to discuss the Miami situation. Stassi basically felt that Katie betrayed her by going behind her back and hanging out with the crew. Katie tried to explain that she simply went to make things better between her and boyfriend, Tom Schwartz.

Katie said that she felt like she had been a loyal friend to Stassi through everything. Stassi acted like a little bitch who thinks the entire world revolves around her feelings. Katie stood her ground though, as she should. She basically told Stassi to go fuck herself and enjoy having no friends.

Kudos to you, Katie!

Next week, the random whack job Miami chick shows up at SUR—This show is a train wreck—a sad, yet SO AMAZING train wreck.

Check out Popdust's gallery of Scheana's Miami Bachelorette party photos—and tune in to Bravo every Monday at 9pm to catch all new episodes of Vanderpump Rules

This week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies of the 90210 took the saying “wined and dined” a little too literally. There were make-ups, break-ups, tears, tantrums, and wine throwing.

Money can’t buy you class, folks.

Lisa Vanderpump finally agreed to sit down with Brandi Glanville. There is no denying how awkward it has been between the two of them all season. Brandi was kissing Queen V’s ass like a pathetic peasant because she finally realized how badly she had fucked up. Lisa, on the other hand, was SO over their friendship. However, she decided to meet for lunch to clear some things up.

Long story short, they both apologized.

Brandi admitted she felt like a scumbag for having spread rumors that Queen V lived “deep in the Valley”…..oh, the horror! Lisa, in turn, apologized for bringing Scheana Marie around. In case you were blissfully unaware—Scheana is the former-mistress of Eddie Cibrian, Brandi’s douchebag ex-husband. Brandi graciously accepted and said she’s ready to have fun with Lisa again—Lisa, however, looked like she would rather play in oncoming traffic.

Meanwhile, Yolanda Foster was busy making another one of her children America’s Next Top Model—all while still dealing with the aftermath of Bella’s DUI. In order to hold her accountable for her actions, Yolanda decided to make Bella pay her own legal fees. I support that 100%. She’s in college making more money than I’ve ever seen. She also took away Bella’s phone and social media privileges. Any parent of a teenager knows the deal—take away their cell phone and suddenly they need to enter a psych ward.

Lisa Rinna, Eileen Davidson, Yolanda, and Brandi met for dinner. They were having what appeared to be a great time, until it became apparent that Brandi forgot to take her crazy meds again. A self-proclaimed soap opera super fan, Brandi, begged Eileen to act out a scene from Days of Our Lives. Eileen said no several times. So, Brandi decided to toss a glass of wine on her.

I think we can all collectively agree that she is a fucking lunatic. On what planet does she live? Eileen handled it rather gracefully. I, on the other hand, would have drowned that crazy bitch in the Pacific Ocean with a smile on my face. All the women looked shocked, while Brandi sat there and giggled. This lady is cray cray to the CRAY.

Kyle Richards was preparing for her daughter Alexia to leave for college. So, it only made sense for her to teach her how to do the laundry. Cause, ya know, Alexia’s only friggin' 18-years old, so of COURSE she doesn’t know how to wash her own clothes. Kyle cried as she told the teen that if she doesn’t like school she can always leave. Alexia looked at her like she had 11 spinning heads.

The next night, Yolanda and “my love” AKA hubby, David Foster, hosted a fab dinner party. I wish I was friends with Yolanda—she could make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich look chic. Anywho, all the women were invited. Even wine tossin’ Glanville.

Upon her arrival, Brandi pulled Eileen aside to apologize. It was a half-ass apology at most though—she handed Eileen some necklace as a gift and said she got caught up in the moment. Eileen accepted the apology.....probably because she knows Brandi is truly off her mother fucking rocker.

Yolanda played the piano and it was time for dinner. The gang was seated around a table that included Babyface. Lisa Vanderpump got confused and called him “Papaface." Yolanda gave a speech thanking “my love”, as well as congratulating Lisa on her restaurant and Eileen on her Emmy. Brandi was chatting with Babyface’s wife, Nikki, and asked to see her engagement ring. Brandi informed her that it is too small. She needs a muzzle.

After dinner, they all gathered around the piano while David and Babyface sang for them. Lisa Rinna pulled Eileen aside to discuss Brandi. Lisa R thinks Brandi is batshit crazy—Eileen thinks Brandi is just needy and craving attention.

Hmmmm, ya fucking think?

Ending on a truly heartwarming note, Babyface asked the ladies to pick a random subject for him to sing about. Brandi, being the class act she is, suggested “finger banging”.... So.....a perfectly civilized evening at the Fosters was drawn to a close with Babyface singing a tune about finger banging your wife.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.

As we saw on last week’s Vanderpump Rules, Jax Taylor is getting a nose job because “he has a deviated septum”, which really means “my nose is huge and I’m a girl”.

Prior to surgery, Jax meets up with his two best buds, Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz. They pour themselves beers out of brown bags outside of an eyebrow threading studio. They’re pre-gaming the pain, if you will. Despite all the insanity that went down last season between Tom and Jax, they seem to have really put it behind them and can support one another during the tough times, like getting their eyebrows waxed.

Only in LA, people. Only in LA.

As Popdust previously reported, last week, Kristen Doute went over to ex-boyfriend Tom’s apartment to pick up the cable box. She cried for the entire visit and we’re pretty sure she had her makeup done, but Tom was more concerned that he was losing shows on the DVR. His new girlfriend, Ariana, was there to watch the shit show go down, but kept her mouth shut the entire time.

Stassi Schroeder made an appearance back at her old stomping grounds, SUR. She claims she was there to get some cheese balls, but made sure she talked some shit before she left.

Stassi questioned how she is okay with her best friend, Scheana Marie, being friends with Kristen. Ariana says she doesn’t let it bother her because Kristen isn’t worth the time of day. Stassi is mind blown by her logic. If that was her, she’d most definitely just light them all on fire.

Meanwhile, as you may recall, Katie Maloney has been on her hands and knees begging Lisa Vanderpump to hire her boyfriend, Tom. She was against it for so long because he was conveniently involved in many of the brawls that have gone down with the SUR gang. However, she gave in and offered the resident pretty boy a job. Schwartz, in turn, had a panic attack during his shift and walked out. Did we mention it was a bartending gig at a gay bar……

Stassi and Katie met up for some cocktails and shit talking. Katie is pissed at Schwartz for making her look like an idiot after he walked out on his shift. Stassi consoles her by saying how successful her boyfriend is. Comforting. Katie informs her that Jax won’t be in attendance because he got a nose job. Naturally, Stassi was thrilled at this news and called him a “woman”. Mind you, this is coming from the chick who got a new chin.

Jax finally had his surgery and Nurse Tom was there to help. Jax was drugged out post-surgery beyond belief. Even in that state of mind, he tried hooking up with his nurse. Shocking, right? The whole gang, including Lisa, stopped by to check in on him. They discussed their upcoming plans to attend an OK! Magazine party. Eventually, they all peaced out to go home and get ready, while Jax ate a jelly donut alone as blood streamed down his face.

Schwartz sat down with Lisa to discuss what happened during his shift. He tells Lisa how embarrassed he is and sorry for being irresponsible, but she wasn’t having it. She gave him a chance and he fucked it up. Only the strong survive in the world of gay bars, I suppose.

James, the annoying British kid, came back again begging for his job. Lisa fired him a few weeks back for being involved in the fight with Tom and Kristen. Last week he read her the corniest letter in an attempt to win his job back and Lisa said she’d think about it. While anyone with two brain cells would tell this loser to kick rocks, she gave him another chance because they’re desperate for bussers. Welcome back, buddy. Make sure you take a #BeamerSelfie to celebrate.

Later, the entire crew, including Stassi, were at the OK! Magazine party. Originally, the group was separated at two different tables. Stassi’s crew, which included Katie and Schwartz, played a game that made the loser go sit with the other table. Stassi lost, so off she went to hang with the wolves. Stassi sat down next to Scheana, which was so incredibly awkward. Stassi claims she hasn’t seen or spoken to Kristen since last year after she infamously slept with Jax. Kristen’s attempt at being calm, cool, and collected fell short when she asked Stassi if she’s spoken to Jax after his nose job. Good one, moron.

Vanderpump Rules airs Mondays at 9pm on Bravo.

On last week's Vanderpump Rules, Lisa Vanderpump went on a firing/suspension spree after a bar brawl broke out at Scheana Marie’s birthday party. She suspended Tom Sandoval and Kristen Doute for being involved in the shenanigans, but fired James Kennedy for starting the madness. Flash forward to this week:

It was finally time for the opening of Lisa’s new Hollywood hotspot, Pump. Although she needed all hands on deck for the kickoff party, she still needed her staff to hold down the fort at SUR. James, despite Lisa sending him and his size 23 skinny jeans packing, decided to show up to work anyway. Because that’s what normal people do when they’re fired, right?

Peter Madrigal, the totally undercover hottie manager, spotted the moron in the restaurant. He and James went outside so Peter could wrap his head around why the hell he showed up thinking he was still employed. James got all dramatic and whiny while trying to convince Peter that he doesn’t like him because he dates Kristen. Or perhaps it’s because you’re just really fucking annoying?

A few days later, #BeamerSelfie boy returned with a letter for Lisa. He begged and pleaded to speak to Lisa for a few minutes and finally she agreed. He read aloud a letter to her like it was a scene from the Notebook. It was so cheesy I could have barfed all over his chunky knit Jax-wannabe sweater. But, hey, it worked. The Queen Bee said she’ll think it over.

Tom Schwartz made his bartending debut at the Pump party. As we know, he’s been walking a very fine line having been involved in every fight that has gone down in the history of SUR. He begged Lisa for the job because he needs more of a stable income in order to marry his lady love, Katie Maloney. He told Stassi Schroeder that he didn’t know how to make Pump’s signature drink and next week he walks out of one of his shifts. So, when will he be receiving his Employee of the Month plaque?

Stassi has made her triumphant return back to LA and the life of SUR. She made an appearance at the Pump grand opening, much to the dismay of Scheana. Stassi and Scheana have a very on/off relationship. One minute they’re bridesmaids in each other’s weddings and the next they are shit talking one another on Twitter. Scheana can’t really get off the fact that Stassi doesn’t give a flying fuck about being her friend. Retweet.

Speaking of Stassi, Jax Taylor got wind that she was back in town. Jax says he was thinking about heading over to the Pump party to show his face and say hello to his old love. Her pal Kristina Kelly, Jax’s SUR co-worker, bluntly told him she can’t fucking stand him. He tells her that they’re fine and wants to check in on her family and the dog they once shared. Sorry, buddy. The Stassi ship has sailed.

Kristen decided she needed to meet with Tom to get the rest of her belongings and find some closure. She showed up to Tom’s apartment that so desperately needs a maid. Perhaps he could hire Kristen? Ariana is there to kick back and watch the show, which pissed Kristen off to no end. She asked Tom to give back the cable box so she could return it. Tom says, “I know, I just had stuff on the DVR that I really wanted to keep”. Absolutely epic response. Hats off to you, Sandoval.

Next week’s previews show yet another screaming match. Sleeping with everyone can be really exhausting, huh?

Vanderpump Rules airs every Monday at 9pm on Bravo!