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Did the Tampa Police Department Even Watch "Minority Report"?

The New Tampa PD initiative is startlingly similar to the dystopian film.

Turns out we're in the "Minority Report" timeline!

So what was it all for?

Why did we all have to squint through the dimly lit cinematography of Minority Report, watching Tom Cruise get his eyes gouged out and being forced to root for a cop, if we, as a society, weren't going to learn the one lesson it was trying to teach us: that you can't predict crime.

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FILM

"Groundhog Day" and the Strange Phenomenon of Time Loop Movies

Since Bill Murray's 1993 classic, time loop narratives have somehow become a genre unto themselves.

Andy Samberg's record-breaking Sundance hit Palm Springs is the latest entry in the storied genre of time loop movies.

These now-familiar stories involve one or more characters becoming trapped by mysterious forces that cause them to relive the same stretch of time (usually a single day) over and over and over again. The phenomenon was made iconic by the 1993 film Groundhog Day, in which Phil Connors (Bill Murray) is a jaded TV weatherman who becomes trapped in the small town of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvania for an endless recurrence of the titular holiday.

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Culture News

Is Trump Tom Cruise or Renée Zellweger in "Jerry Maguire"?

An "accidental" comparison on The 11th Hour with Brian Williams leaves us wondering which role fits ex-president Trump.

On Thursday night MSNBC's Brian Williams hosted author and activist Baratunde Thurston and Iraq-war-cheerleader-turned-Trump-critic Bill Kristol to discuss the Republican party's steps in reconciling with disgraced ex-president Donald Trump.

Many had pointed out that just a few short weeks after then-president Trump sent a rally of his supporters to the Capitol building and goaded them into a violent act of insurrection targeting our nations lawmakers, GOP leadership already seemed eager to welcome him back into the fold. Among the most desperate sycophants is House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who met with Donald Trump this week with a purported goal to coordinate an electoral strategy for expanding the regaining control of Congress in 2022.

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Culture Feature

All the Times Tom Cruise Was a Total Dick

"There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance"

Tom Cruise on Letterman

Considering that he's a man who wears two masks at a time, it should come as no surprise that potential exposure to COVID-19 caused Tom Cruise to explode on his Mission Impossible 7 co-workers during filming.

It's long been known that the legendary film star maintains a chokehold on every set he steps foot on. He does all his own stunts, a decision which has regularly injured him and at one point almost cost him his life. But when held up against the countless other eerie eccentricities that make up Mr. Cruise, doing death-defying stunts like dangling off a plane in mid-flight is actually his most "normal" characteristic.

He divorced all three of his wives when they were 33 years old and allegedly believes, thanks to his Operating Thetan VI level in the Church of Scientology, that he possesses the power to heal sprained ankles and broken joints solely through touch. He also could barely read until he was an adult and has his own holiday in Japan.

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Film News

What the Hell Is Tom Cruise Filming in Space?

It could be just another Mission: Impossible, or maybe...

Mission: Impossible – Fallout

Entertainment news has been abuzz this week with the news that Tom Cruise will soon be starring in the first scripted movie ever to be filmed in space.

But with all the coverage about Cruise's stuntwork, the involvement of Elon Musk's SpaceX, and the challenges of filming in the space station, we have yet to receive any details about the project itself. What will this movie be about, and why does it have to be filmed in space?

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CULTURE

Robert Pattinson Can't Be "The Most Handsome Man in the World"

That concept is nonsense—and also, it's Jason Momoa.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

It's not just a comforting bromide to tell ugly children; it's an undeniable fact of our reality. Each individual's experience of the world is purely subjective—informed by personal history and unique brain chemistry—which is what makes it so absurd when the Daily Mail declares Robert Pattinson "the most handsome man in the world." We cannot share an identical response to any stimulus, which means that we will never achieve an objective measure of a fundamentally experiential quality like handsomeness. Whoever they chose would necessarily have been controversial—except, of course, the correct answer: Jason Momoa.

Jason Momoa Wet T-shirt

How does the Daily Mail even come to its conclusions? Did they do a survey of the entire world—sending photographers to every rural market in Zimbabwe and through the favelas of São Paulo? Did they spend their entire decade's budget on compiling images of the world's men, or do they not consider the plebeians outside their TV screens and magazine pages to be truly human? Are we not men to them? Clearly we are not, because if they had scoured our planet's bus stops and the secluded tribes of Papua New Guinea—seen every last one of us—they would have realized that there is no jawline as perfectly sculpted as Jason Momoa's, no brow that arches with so much intrigue and allure.

In reality, the Daily Mail made their conclusion based on consultation from cosmetic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, who has created a system for defining perfect beauty in mathematical terms. The system relies on the irrational number phi (1.618339…), and the ancient Greek concept of the golden ratio—also known as the "divine proportion"—which has been dubiously ascribed various significance. Dr. De Silva's system measures each feature of a person's face and how the features relate to one another with that ratio in mind. Last year he used his method to declare Bella Hadid the world's most beautiful woman. No doubt a lot of effort went into consolidating data on what people find attractive and fitting it to a theory of phi. It's actually an endeavor that makes a lot of sense for someone in Dr. De Silva's field, despite the limitations of codifying subjectivity and the factual reality of Jason Momoa.

Young Jason Momoa

That said, there are some obvious flaws in how those measurements are made—using only 2D images rather than a 3D scan—and it seems a bit weird that "the most handsome man in the world" would only align with about 92% of Dr. De Silva's Platonic ideal of a male face. But what is far more troubling—and possibly grounds to revoke his medical license?—is the fact that Dr. De Silva put in all this work and didn't take into account the existence of two piercing hazel eyes that squint pure joy directly at your soul each time Jason Momoa smiles.

To be fair, the star of The Lighthouse, and the Twilight series is technically a decent looking human male—as are Henry Cavill, Bradley Cooper, and the other men who ranked highly according to Dr. De Silva's system. Pattinson has some solid bone structure and a wild mane of hair that always looks a little dirty, but in kind of a fun way. If we're going to be as generous as possible, it would be appropriate to say that he's sort of a pasty, British, low-T Jason Momoa. But could he pick me up and hold me in his arms like an actual superhero—a Polynesian demi-god—and carry me away from all the world's pain while I hold tight to his beard and run one finger along the bold scar above his eye? No. He's not a sculpted 6'4" tower of benevolent muscle. He's a measly 6'1"—basically a 9th grade basketball player, and just as moody.

Jason Momoa as Aquaman

To put it simply, beauty is entirely subjective and impossible to quantify, and also the Daily Mail and Dr. De Silva are spreading blatant lies and committing Jason Momoa erasure. Canceled.