Why Do Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina-Scented Candles Keep "Exploding?"
Is it normal for a candle to come with this many warnings?
When you get a new candle, what's the first thing you do?
Obviously, like any responsible candle owner, you immediately check the safety instructions to make sure that you're observing all necessary protocol to avoid a violent explosion of flames — before locking it in your candle safe. But it turns out that not everyone is like us. There are some dangerous individuals out there who are buying candles without the understanding that they are essentially deadly weapons.
We're talking about reckless behavior like leaving a candle lit for more than the recommended two hours. Apparently some maniacs don't even get out a ruler and a pair of scissors before each use to make sure the wick remains an ideal length. And, as you'd expect, the consequences for such candle negligence are violent.
In January, Jody Thompson of London shared her frightening experience with Goop's "This Smells Like My Vagina" candle. The much-hyped candle is scented with "a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed" — a combination which Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow intimately recognized upon first smelling it — and sells for $75.
It also happens to be sold with this warning, appropriately offered in all caps: "BURN CANDLE WITHIN SIGHT. KEEP AWAY FROM THINGS THAT CATCH FIRE. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN AND PETS. TRIM WICK TO 1/8" BEFORE EVERY LIGHTING. PLACE ON A STABLE, HEAT RESISTANT SURFACE. KEEP WAX POOL FREE OF DEBRIS. DO NOT BURN FOR MORE THAN TWO HOURS AT A TIME. ALLOW GLASS TO COOL COMPLETELY BEFORE HANDLING."
Did Jody Thompson strictly observe those instructions before she lit her candle? Or did she light a half-inch wick on a slightly tilted surface a few minutes before, as she put it, "Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat"?
That was the health and wellness brand's primary concern after Thompson shared the story, including an image of the aftermath she posted on instagram with the message, "Yeah, thanks Gwynnie, stuff your flaming vagina..." Goop reportedly reached out to her with some free products — no word on whether they included any other dangerous vaginal-themed products — and "to see if she followed the specific fire safety instructions included with the candle."
According to Thompson she "trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster." But if she actually skipped one of those steps, that would certainly explain why it "exploded and emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere" a few minutes after she lit it — and why it continued blazing for several minutes, until the glass jar was so hot that the label melted.
Could there really be two people on Earth who are that negligent of candle safety? Because now Goop is being sued by a Texas man reporting a similar experience.
Seeking more than $5 million in a class-action suit against the The Politician star's company, Colby Watson claims that, after lighting the "This Smells Like My Vagina" candle for the first time, he left it lit for around three hours — at least he admits his wild negligence. At that point the candle allegedly "exploded," became engulfed in flames, filled the room with smoke, and left a black burn ring where it was sitting.
In Watson's case, the fact that he left it lit for so long could have brought a fragrance oil, or possibly the wax itself, to an explosive flashpoint, igniting the blaze. But that doesn't explain what happened in Jody Thompson's case.
Could it be that there's something wrong with the Heretic candles Goop sells? Maybe pockets of fragrance oil or other adulterants that are causing them to burst into flames?
The company claims to be confident that Watson's suit "is frivolous and an attempt to secure an outsized payout from a press-heavy product." And maybe Watson is just a troll who saw Thompson's story about an exploding vagina candle and wanted to get in on the action. But if other customers end up coming forward with similar experiences and join Watson's suit, they may have no choice but to pull the candle from the market.
Either that, or rebrand it to something that matches the effect. Rather than a plain old orgasm candle, maybe an explosive orgasm candle?