If you don't spend 6-8 hours a day online, it's entirely possible that you, like Senator Marco Rubio, haven't heard of Alex Jones or Info Wars.

This is Alex Jones on his show InfoWars:

prostheticlivesinthememoryhole.files.wordpress.com

He's famous for taking his shirt off (a lot), yelling in a voice that's somewhere between Father Coughlin's and Dave Grohl's, and waxing poetic about the government "putting chemicals in the water that turn the freakin' frogs gay." If for some reason you want more information, here's Super Deluxe's indie folk remix of his most conspiratorial rantings:

Anyway, earlier today, the Internet's favorite maniac took time out of his busy schedule of hawking useless dietary supplements and getting kicked off of Facebook and YouTube for being too racist to hijack an interview session Marco Rubio was having with the press. Jones came in shouting about how he's being persecuted and silenced by "big tech companies" and that these companies are "purging conservatives" from their (the tech companies') websites.

Rubio tried to respond calmly, but Jones pressed on shouting over the other reporters and insisting that his freedoms were being assaulted. Unable to ignore the shouting, foaming blob-man any longer, Rubio turned and said, "Listen man, I just don't know who you are." This was a critical error. As any city-dweller knows, if an insane person is shouting at you on the street, you never engage. This is one of the few instances in which ignoring the problem makes it go away.

Alex Jones responded with more vitriol, claiming Rubio was just pretending not to know about InfoWars. The climax of the interaction occurred after Jones called Rubio a "little frat boy" and placed his hand on his shoulder, at which point a secret service agent told Jones to step back. Jones, acting stunned, asked if Rubio was going to "get [him] arrested." Rubio responded point blank, "You're not going to get arrested. I'll take care of it myself."

As an increasingly annoyed-looking newswoman tried to ask Rubio questions about online regulation, Jones continued to hound everyone who would listen, blabbering about how "the Democrats are raping the Republicans [and] raping InfoWars." No one thought to ask him what this means. Eventually, Rubio walked away from the press briefing, saying "we gotta go to the committee, you guys can talk to this clown."

In the end, we're left with more questions than answers. Here are a few of them:

-Is Alex Jones insane?

-Does Alex Jones have a parasite eating the inside of his brain?

-Is it contagious?

-Is it from space?

-When he touched Marco Rubio, did he infect him with said parasite?

-Is Congress in danger of being infected with space parasites?

-Is this the end of America as we know it?


Matt Clibanoff is a writer and editor based in New York City who covers music, politics, sports and pop culture. His editorial work can be found in Inked Magazine, Pop Dust, The Liberty Project, and All Things Go. His fiction has been published in Forth Magazine. -- Find Matt at his website and on Twitter: @mattclibanoff


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