Let the witch hunt begin.
Kamala Harris may have won yesterday's Democratic debate, but Marianne Williamson won the most important battle of all: She's Twitter's favorite new meme.
Most viewers may not have heard of Williamson, who has made her name writing spiritual self-help books that include titles like On Self-Esteem: Loving Yourself and Emotional Self-Sufficiency and Illuminata: A Return to Prayer. She made waves during the debate last night for her out-there comments, but more for her piercingly mystical aura, which has sent the Internet into a spiral of Stevie Nicks, crystals, and edible-related conspiracy theories.
Here are the main reasons that she's become the best thing to happen to Twitter in years.
1. She philosophized like a middle-aged Californian divorcee on an ayahuasca trip in Ecuador.
I’m sorry I missed the moment last night when everyone was reading Marianne Williamson’s energy bc I would have sai… https://t.co/0Mbs9gROHO— rachel syme (@rachel syme)1561726906.0
marianne williamson speaks like a 1940s movie star and has a light in her eyes like she’s fucking the mailman behin… https://t.co/PX93aufkDq— Veronica Suchodolski (@Veronica Suchodolski)1561685436.0
Marianne Williamson is like a sentient glass of Chardonnay.— Maureen Johnson (@Maureen Johnson)1561690359.0
Williamson's success in the memetic sphere stems from the fact that she evoked a very specific type of aura: that of your aunt who dropped too much LSD while practicing African dance in Thailand and who now runs a holistic therapy practice in California. Apparently, it resonated on more than one plane.
Marianne Williamson is tapping into that Facebook antivax mom/crystal healing aunt demographic. https://t.co/ZfTleDOR74— Ian Miles Cheong (@Ian Miles Cheong)1561731593.0
2. Her old Tweets are incredible.
Williamson's Twitter feed is full of gems—specifically: crystals, amethysts, and rose quartz, purchased from your local Wiccan yoga studio and arranged into a perfect Solstice altar on your Williamsburg doorstep. Williamson's cosmic mind has clearly traversed the outer reaches of the psyche, delving deep into the hidden places where our world brushes up against the next dimension.
AMAZING OLD TWEETS BY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MARIANNE WILLIAMSON: A THREAD— Ellie Hall (@Ellie Hall)1561692580.0
Clearly, all Americans should have the right to life, liberty, and soul-explosion.
The most important things in life are not visible to the physical eye. It’s only when we soul-explode beyond the co… https://t.co/BOh40Mm0w6— Marianne Williamson (@Marianne Williamson)1535024395.0
3. She may or may not have taken an edible before the debate.
Many viewers were struck by the distinctly psychedelic nature of Williamson's statements. Many of them felt more like whispery revelations delivered by your sage-burning, salt-lamp-owning stoner friend during the deep sea episode of Planet Earth rather than political commentary.
@marwilliamson I remember my first acid trip too— Institute Of Ridiculous Made-Up Statistics (@Institute Of Ridiculous Made-Up Statistics)1561722703.0
Some thought that acid was more apropos. Psychedelic drugs often help people see the invisible lines of love that thread each of us together, so it makes sense that her comments may at least have been inspired by her wild past, if she didn't ingest a hallucinogenic mushroom right before getting onstage.
4. In spite of her oddness, she actually had some good points.
#MarianneWilliamson was right last night. We have a sickness problem in America; it’s food policies, environmental… https://t.co/GqH4bkiXqW— Bette Midler (@Bette Midler)1561728691.0
Some people were all in.
Still, since she has literally no political experience and seemingly few plans aside from believing in dreams until they become reality, she's probably not the best pick.
5. She is definitely a witch.
Among her many talents and roles on this illusory earth, Williamson is a practicing New Age witch.
@washingtonpost Nope, don't think America is ready for a New Age witch, besides, @Oprah needs her too much… https://t.co/3ogJ8ns1u0— Now The End Begins (@Now The End Begins)1561725885.0
Pete Buttigieg goes to shake Marianne Williamson's hand but she's already disappeared. On her lectern sits a lone origami crane— Jason O. Gilbert (@Jason O. Gilbert)1561691122.0
Debate moderator: “time for closing statements.” Marianne Williamson: “In the name of Goddess Hylia, I bestow upon… https://t.co/8psKtwLBue— wokeiraptor (@wokeiraptor)1561721875.0
I relate to Marianne Williamson because I am also a witch who hates plans— Justine Peres Smith (@Justine Peres Smith)1561691689.0
For anyone unable to sense the emanations of Williamson's powers, all you need to do is listen to some Stevie Nicks, watch American Horror Story: Coven, and take a few sips of kombucha; you'll see the power just waiting to burst out of her crown chakra and into our corporeal plane.
Marianne Williamson is like if one of Stevie Nicks’ shawls came to life— word west (@word west)1561698654.0
Some people saw her more as an exorcist than a witch.
I still can’t get over Marianne Williamson speaking directly to Trump like she was casting a demon out of someone’s… https://t.co/6VeZ9kXOdp— Laura Martin (@Laura Martin)1561731370.0
There are also indications that she may be an alien.
@mothsore black lodge x marianne williamson confirmed https://t.co/RKqALoisdl— casey (@casey)1561730786.0
Regardless of the exact type of power she possesses, she certainly has some otherworldly control over the invisible forces that bind us together, and she has promised to use them all on Trump.
Donald Trump watching Marianne Williamson addressing him directly https://t.co/OB3iLMCqzd— AA (@AA)1561690498.0
Marianne Williamson is going to fight Trump on the astral plane after smoking so much weed she permanently becomes a spirit— James (@James)1561707017.0
Marianne Williamson when she touches the ground and feels the earth’s godly love coursing through her soul https://t.co/sRXEYLMxdx— Andrew Stark (@Andrew Stark)1561706975.0
Marianne Williams promises to "harness love" and bring it to a field to duel Trump, where she predicts "love will w… https://t.co/JsZRteT5OC— TPM Livewire (@TPM Livewire)1561690525.0
I channeled Marianne Williamson on my run today and I encourage each of you to do the same. 🤗🥰♥️🔮 https://t.co/xWvfXYJqlo— Anthony Balderrama (@Anthony Balderrama)1561729018.0
Marianne Williamson defends us every single day on the spiritual plane and you all have the nerve to call her "a jo… https://t.co/jtxspPExf1— disintegration fruitloops (@disintegration fruitloops)1561697117.0
WHICH IS IT, @marwilliamson ?? https://t.co/PIC2UUG5Xs— Hierodula 🐺🐺🐺 (@Hierodula 🐺🐺🐺)1561727980.0
All of the Marianne Williamson haters are having fun right now but you won’t be laughing when she banishes you to the shadow realm— Jules (@Jules)1561694814.0
6. She was Laura Dern's roommate in college.
Laura Dern is an actress who starred in David Lynch's film Blue Velvet. Yes, the same David Lynch who created Mulholland Drive and Twin Peaks. When they were 17, Williamson and Dern lived together for a brief period of time.
Perhaps Williamson told Dern, who then told Lynch, about the demons that exist in a parallel universe but sometimes enter ours through a red room with a checkered floor. Perhaps BOB has possessed Trump. Perhaps Williamson is the only one with the power to stop him. Perhaps she will dream of her next move tonight.
laura dern and marianne williamson were roommates!!!!!!! https://t.co/rutrhY1Wfa— corbin dewitt (@corbin dewitt)1561692743.0
TIL Marianne Williamson was Laura Dern’s roommate when Dern was 17. https://t.co/Y4qI0t8JIe https://t.co/0LoRegInl3— Joanna Robinson (@Joanna Robinson)1561693464.0
marianne williamson is the first presidential candidate from the twin peaks universe— Seinfeld Current Day (@Seinfeld Current Day)1561693386.0
7. She may or may not be a new queer icon.
Queer folks tend to love a performative queen. Since it's still Pride Month, Williamson picked the perfect time to unveil her kooky, starry-eyed persona to the gays who had no idea what they were missing before she came to pour peppermint oil on America's spiritual wounds.
The gays to Marianne Williamson https://t.co/wT6fLHN7DR— eli 🏳️🌈⃠ (@eli 🏳️🌈⃠)1561707651.0
“Girlfriend you are so on” fucking SENT ME. I hereby declare Marianne Williamson a gay icon. Girl is up there high… https://t.co/zR7MxfuyTF— hartley (@hartley)1561691652.0
Some proposed that she embodied that elusive, much-critiqued Met Gala theme: camp. Since camp is defined by a kind of fundamental absurdity performed seriously, or as a humorously deviant refusal to comply with 'straight' norms, Williamson's refusal to comply with the norms of the 'literal plane' earned her an accidental place in that category.
Omg Marianne Williamson’s campiness and messiness tonight is resurrecting her status as a gay icon...my people are insane— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@Yashar Ali 🐘)1561696241.0
8. She has a thing for New Zealand.
Williamson may have started out by giving the impression that she is cognizant of the world around her, but by the end of the debate, her edible had fully kicked in. This became clear when she said that the first thing she would do as President is call New Zealand. Perhaps she meant to indicate that she would enact stricter gun laws, like that nation's Prime Minister did after their first mass shooting, but it came off more like she knows that the portal that will lead us to the holy grail is a mile north of Wellington, and as president she will finally have the ability to send troops into the center of the earth to find the crystal that will grant us eternal departure from the cycles of reality.
Marianne: Girlfriend, I would like to formally invite you to bring it on because it has already been broughten. PM… https://t.co/ZDOqoTvaA0— R. Eric Thomas (@R. Eric Thomas)1561735089.0
9. Her presence instantly led to calls for a Kate McKinnon impersonation.
Later, it happened. Needless to say, this won her even more points with the gays.
I promise to use this power only for good https://t.co/G2q5yhzu5X— Dave Itzkoff (@Dave Itzkoff)1561723162.0
10. She's an AVATAR stan.
Remember the James Cameron film—the one about the humans that go try to colonize a planet of weirdly attractive blue people? It seems like Williamson sees it as the blueprint for the future of the world.
All the films were good but AVATAR has changed the world. He didn't win an Oscar tonight, but James Cameron deserves a Nobel Peace Price #fb— Marianne Williamson (@Marianne Williamson)1268038737.0
If you want a simple explanation for what's happening in America, watch AVATAR again.— Marianne Williamson (@Marianne Williamson)1509053208.0
11. Based on 2016, which revealed just how highly America prioritizes a candidate's meme-ability, Williamson may well be the next President of the United States.
If you think about it, the initial response to Trump was somewhat similar to this initial response to Williamson. He became larger-than-life by infiltrating the online world, indoctrinating himself into the wry, cynical sarcasm of Twitter-using millennials everywhere. Similarly, he appeared to be more of a movie character than a real person. In a strange way, Williamson seems to be the product of the same simulation glitch that spawned Trump—though it seems possible that Williamson is the one that uploaded all of us in the first place.
Plus, if Trump's key demographic was everyone who was secretly racist, Williamson's demographic is for everyone who secretly thinks they're a witch who can see auras. Admittedly, the sight of a coven of witches turning neo-Nazis into toads would be deeply satisfying. And for fans of Harry Potter, the idea that love and magic could potentially destroy an evil, undead overlord might ring a few bells.
JUST IN: Marianne Williamson most searched on Google for night two of the Democratic debate https://t.co/AZXiuwZi1D https://t.co/r3ZuOYz8Me— The Hill (@The Hill)1561727595.0
The more we joke about Marianne Williamson the more certain I am that she is going to be the next President of the United States— Quinta Jurecic (@Quinta Jurecic)1561729901.0
While Marianne Williamson’s decision to begin her first state of the union address with twenty minutes of whale son… https://t.co/jaCGS0JYLc— Mmm? (@Mmm?)1561706240.0
Marianne Williamson will never make the Debates MW will never crush the Debates [you are here] MW will never outpol… https://t.co/9csBF2B5l7— Abhi Agarwal (@Abhi Agarwal)1561697989.0
an accidental but powerful coalition of oprah viewers, spiritual-but-not-religious christians, people who think jui… https://t.co/uDOK1RAkoE— Max Read (@Max Read)1561698270.0
Of course, Williamson isn't the only one who may have occult ties.
#DemocratDebate Kamala Harris is so on point, she didn’t even know her own people working for her had a secret poli… https://t.co/tq0XCf2oPU— rin (@rin)1561689464.0
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The rocker celebrates his 45th birthday today
Jack White almost became a priest.
But then again, did he? The iconic rocker has regularly beguiled the press. "I'd got accepted to a seminary in Wisconsin," he told 60 Minutes Mike Wallace back in 2005 in what seemed like a moment of genuine candor. "At the last second, I thought, 'I'll just go to public school."
Whether you believe that story or not, the blues-rock polymath, who turns 45 today, has led an undeniably punk life and crafted some of the most sacred rock music in history. Two decades after The White Stripes' self-titled debut, Jack White has remained purposefully slippery with the public. He told publications that he and Meg White, his then-wife and White Stripes-cohort, were the youngest of ten siblings and claimed that his label, Third Man Records, used to be a candy company, among other outlandish claims.
Dodge & Burn by The Dead Weather<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="59052057d58747fe96735fc4bb4c2b46"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/98oMvKF-78Y?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p>Cocked and loaded, The Dead Weather's 2015 effort, <em>Dodge and Burn,</em> finds the band at their most calamitous. "I got a bloodhound tooth hanging like a dagger," Kills vocalist Alison Mosshart cackles on "Let Me Through" with distorted hisses. With White on drums, The Dead Weather is White at his most implacable. </p><p>When he announced no touring would be done in support of <em>Dodge & Burn</em>, the implication was that TDW was formed as a sort of catharsis for White, somewhere to put all the rock-and-roll tar that he's built up over the years. The Captain Beefhart inspired super-group all but detonated on <em>Dodge & Burn</em>, with their slinky grunge guitars and feral growls all sounding extra crunchy.</p><p>The band reflects on the inevitable apocalypse with a bombastic snap that gladly welcomes violence and destruction ("Open Up") and rolls their eyes at anyone who threatens to ruin their demolition, even if its Jesus himself ("Buzzkill(er)." <em>Dodge & Burn</em> is reserved exclusively for those who need to let off a little steam...or start a bar fight.<br></p>
Consolers of the Lonely by The Raconteurs<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a8ba051ea61ebd21775ad6dc743cd0b3"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7lL1CW140FQ?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p>Before Beyonce's surprise album redefined the marketing of new releases, The Raconteurs rushed the arrival of 2008's <em>Consolers of the Lonely</em>, all but upending press coverage and flipping mass media the bird in the process. Announced and released within a week, <em>Consoler's</em> remains one of The Raconteur's grittiest records. </p><p><em>Broken Boy Soldier's</em> light-hearted buoyancy was nowhere to be seen. "Haven't seen the sun in a week, my skin is getting pale," calls out Brendan Banson before cackling guitars snap the necks of anyone who has a problem with it on Consoler's intro. </p><p>Jack White is dripping in manic swagger as The Raconteur's co-frontman. He makes the big hooks sound comfortable and casual as if he's jamming with some friends in his garage. He morphs the country twang of "Top Yourself" into a crude, braggadocious declaration of anti-love, ("How you gonna get that deep, when your daddy ain't around here to do it to you?") and uses bright, uplifting horns on "Many Shades of Black" to affirm to the same lover that their tumultuous relationship was destined to end, so it's okay. </p><p>It's all so petty and punk, with White at times bordering on deranged, but it's what adds to The Racounter's unsettling charm. They refuse to be your favorite rock band.</p>
Get Behind Me Satan by The White Stripes<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="42a95cacb5b448443b5dcfaee6f342ff"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hrcum8DHDpo?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p>While highly contested, <em>Get Behind Me Satan</em> is The White Stripes boldest album, taking the blues-rock sounds of <em>Elephant </em>and <em>De Stijl </em>that brought them national fame and throwing it to the wolves in favor of oddball piano arrangements, acoustic guitars, and many marimbas. It finds White spiraling into despair, with quirky tracks like "White Moon" and "Little Ghost" sounding like a real-time emotional breakdown, the latter's narrator performing obscure tasks like "dancing" with "the wall" as he falls in love with a ghost only he can see.</p><p>While the record left critics confused, it's jarring sound redefined The White Stripes' identity. Known for their hard-hitting arena rock, <em>Get Behind Me Satan</em> blew open the door for what came after. They were no longer confined to anything and were free to create whatever they pleased. It was inherently a move that was super rock and roll.<br></p>
Lazaretto by Jack White<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="8c43c41a2df22aba84ac16ddf5c1d9b5"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qI-95cTMeLM?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p><em>Lazaretto</em> is Jack White as his most relentless. Each song on his magnetic sophomore work is a show of force. While Meg White's absence is notable and at times the album borders on Jack White just flexing his guitar chops, each song is full of intricacies that tumble into each other, redefining what's possible under the "blues-rock" moniker. It's inherently busy, with tracks like "High Ball Stepper" descending into chaos with its screams, crisp guitars, organs, and banjo slowly closing in on you–but <em>Lazaretto </em>found White pushing himself endlessly. What was he truly capable of when alone in a room with other bold musicians? The answer was: a lot. </p><p>The cover-art finds White sitting elegantly on a stone throne decorated by angels, a casual flex by White, who believed himself to be a tour-de-force, otherworldly musician, unconfined to the creative restrictions of the mortal world. It was a bold claim that only Jack White could make.</p>
Animation is lame and live-action is awesome.
Everybody loves Disney live-action remakes.
In a world plagued by racism, disease, and a seemingly endless bounty of spiraling misfortune, at least we can all agree that Disney knocks it out of the park every time they dredge up an old, animated movie for a live-action makeover because cartoons are for babies.
Sure, some of us thought the original Beauty and the Beast was fine, but could lame, 2D Belle ever hold a candle to 3D Emma Watson? And yeah, the original Lion King was okay, I guess, but there's nobody in the world who preferred cartoon Scar's rendition of "Be Prepared" to the incredible feat of getting a real lion to sing it in the live-action remake.
Being a Disney fan can be hard sometimes, as you have fond memories of beloved childhood movies but also don't want people to make fun of you for liking cartoons. That's why, out of all the corporations in the world, Disney is undoubtedly the most selfless, willing to spend hundreds of billions of dollars to bring their old, outdated movies into the modern age—all for the fans.