Would You Do A Milk Cleanse?
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Milk Cleanse and other celebrity beauty secrets we’d all like to try
Celebrities, they’re just like us … until they’re not!
Yes, they might grocery shop, spend time with their families, and get caught in unflattering outfits by paparazzi. But the infamous magazine series “Stars, They’re Just Like Us” doesn’t tell the full story. It doesn’t reveal their homes, their closets, their marble bathrooms, their exotic vacations, and all those other things that are decidedly different from my life.
Sometimes, it’s nice to dive into and swim around in the oceanic fantasies in those “candid” celebrity Pap Shots. It’s comforting to believe that they’re regular people, doing their jobs — yes, those jobs involve performing or attending glamorous events and premieres, but, face it, they’re jobs all the same. The Pap Shots are built to convince me their life isn’t astronomically different from mine. I could go to the grocery store and spot someone I saw on television the night before and notice they’re wearing the very same shirt I’d been eyeing only 3 hours earlier. Hypothetically, this could happen. But it doesn’t, because most celebrities live on Planet Frivolous with lifestyles radically different from mine.
So, instead, I feed into the fantasy. I buy the glitz, glamor, and imagine what it would be like to experience it. To feed that curiosity, I devour content that reveals hints of that elusive lifestyle. I watch hours upon hours of celebrity house tours, I follow pop culture magazines to keep tabs on celebrity relationships — don't get me started on the Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Julia Fox, Pete Davidson saga … I know farrrrr too much — and I watch all the award shows and big events.
Shamelessly, I indulge in this vicarious living. I feel implicated in the drama that has nothing to do with me. I participate in parasocial relationships and could care less that they’re shallow, one-sided affairs. I don’t feel like I’m trite for being absorbed in these famous strangers’ lives. Because they’re not just like me. Sure, they’re people who deserve respect, but they’re also entertainers who earn their living from my vicarious engagement with their lives.
I am not the only one so drawn to the allure of the other half. Many of us find comfort in the absurdity, the escapism. Oh, the silly little dramas they concoct! Oh, the spectacle and splendor! Like children, we’re drawn to their bright, shiny, colorful messes. This is the appeal of reality television, and this is what passes for life in the attention economy. What harm can it do if we treat celebrity culture for what it is: a distraction, a way to pass the time — especially during such tumultuous times.
The only danger is if we over-exalt these figures and trust their opinions and advice. Why do that? Most of the time, their qualifications involve being beautiful and mildly entertaining. But in the age of social media, the public is increasingly trusting of celeb opinions.
During the pandemic, The New York Times warned against trusting public figures with health advice in the article, “When Did We Start Taking Famous People Seriously?” The NYT acknowledges how viewing celebrities as relatable has warped our perspective. The piece cites “Us Weekly’s “Stars — They’re Just Like Us!” This magazine feature depicts celebrities pumping gas while pregnant, or pushing a stroller at the farmers’ market, a “perfect consolidation” of “the mundane and the spectacular.” Catching a glimpse of celebrities' parenting in the quotidian world certainly made them more relatable to the average person than watching them on a red carpet.
While the allure of relating to a celebrity might make us feel better about ourselves, it’s important to remember that they are different from us. They are supplied with constant validation, sure, but also the pressure to perform and constantly be perceived. So this different doesn’t necessarily mean better. After all, I appreciate the privacy of being able to take out my trash without having the paparazzi ambushing me.
And I seriously appreciate that I don’t constantly have to look my best. For female celebrities especially, the pressure to be fashionable, fully made up, thin, and perfect 24/7 directly corresponds to their success. Public opinion rests so much on how they look that the slightest imperfection could hurt their livelihoods.
Model and actress Emrata’s essay collection, My Body reflects on how she’s been perceived and sexualized as a public figure and as a stunningly attractive woman.
According to a review in The Guardian, the book's only failing is Ratajkowski's lack of acknowledgment of how she curates her body to be viewed — and, in many cases, to be consumed.
"What My Body neglects to explore is Ratajkowski's elaborate stylization and its social foundations," the review notes. "In a book about female desirability and injustice, it is worth emphasizing that beauty requires time, skill, money, and effort."
However, this isn’t an indictment of Ratajkowski, but, rather, the opposite. The article meditates on the compulsory need for women in society to curate and shape their self-image so they’re not only desired but respected or even taken seriously.
Some female celebrities maintain that these compulsory standards seem wacky while arguing that they’re kinda intriguing at the same time. While I don’t share the same need to be pretty for constant camera attention, I’m a beauty lover who will try most things, once.
But here are some of the most captivating and strange rituals celebrities have confessed to undertaking:
Of course, this one has to start with none other than goop herself. Gwyneth has earned a reputation for being wellness-obsessed to a fault. From her exploding vagina-scented candles to her questionable beauty products, GOOP has built a brand empire based on her quirky ideas about wellness. You either love it or you hate it, but you can’t deny that her business is successful. Part of the reason might be that GOOP herself looks so damn good. Desperate to get a piece of that anti-aging action, many people flock to Gwyneth for her beauty secrets.
One of her secrets is milk cleanse. As Gwyneth recently shared with Shape: “I just tried a goat milk cleanse for eight days to rid my system of parasites. That was really interesting. It's only goat's milk and herbs. The theory is that we all have parasites, and they love the milk protein. So if you eat nothing else, they all come out of the intestinal wall and then you kill them with the herbs. I had to try it for goop, but I felt so good after it.”
If you’re curious about this Gwyneth-approved cleanse, there’s a similar, doctor-developed system you can try:The Milk Cleanse by LabElymental. It’s an Ayurvedic-inspired cleanse that combines the magnetic power of full-fat milk and LabElymental’s proprietary supplements that help clear, cleanse and balance your modern lifestyle.The Milk Cleanse restores vitality and clarity. If you feel stuck, sluggish, and foggy The Milk Cleanse helps balance body and mind. The ingredients in their supplements contain vitamin c, antioxidants, omega-3 fatty acids and have antiparasitic properties. LabElymental’s aim is to improve your quality of life so you feel refreshed and revitalized. Plus, a percentage of their profits goes towards the awareness and prevention of parasites, Lyme Disease, and other tick-borne illnesses.
Consult with a dietician first, be safe, and, onwards you brave soul!
January Jones’s “Human Stew”
January Jones is most famous for her role as the tragically beautiful, neglected 60s housewife in the show Mad Men. Who wouldn’t want to emulate her signature clear, unblemished skin? Well, now you can — if you’re willing to sit in a bath she christened “human stew.”
At the beginning of the pandemic — 2 years ago now — Jones took to Instagram Live as many celebrities sought to ease their boredom. No, she wasn’t in the cursed “Imagine” video. No, she was doing something equally strange but way more charming — Jones drew herself a detox bath. She shared her secret to detoxed skin — an occasional bath-cocktail. She then proceeded to pour a box of baking soda into the bath, followed by an equal amount of apple cider vinegar, and salt. That’s right, Jones credits her glowing skin to a pound of salt, ACV, and baking soda. The ingredients are easy enough to find, but the question is if you’re adventurous enough to try it.
Jennifer Aniston’s "Friends" Salad
Would you eat the same thing every day? Probably not. Would you do it to look like Jennifer Aniston? …Maybe. The Friends star was a 90s icon for precisely the same reason she’s stayed so relevant. She’s the quintessential girl-next-door: charismatic, friendly, and seemingly effortlessly beautiful.
But this effortlessness might just be smoke and mirrors. Aniston has continually professed that she has quite a strict diet. In 2021, she told InStyle, that when she’s stressed, she eats a single potato chip, or a single M&M … not very relatable to me. Can you imagine? But this makes sense when you consider that she ate the same salad on the set of Friends every single day. Want to make it yourself? It consists of bulgur, cucumbers, chickpeas, red onions, parsley, mint, feta, and pistachios. Your daily menu is now set for the rest of your life!