I know, I know.
This pandemic has taken everything. Friends, family, sacred holidays, graduations, friendships that could have been. When will it end? When will vaccines be distributed worldwide? Sometimes it feels like we're trapped in a hellish loop — and maybe we are, reaping the fallout of our past sins.
But here's yet another reminder (another one of those shady articles to let you know) — If you're planning on having a Super Bowl party, inviting some friends over for some masked entertainment (which we all know devolves too quickly into maskless distancing and after one beer becomes a hug...), then don't. Just don't do it.
Don't have an in-person Super Bowl party. It's not worth it. I promise — Football is not going anywhere. The Super Bowl is not going anywhere. You can still watch the game on TV, buy some chips and spicy dip, and scream at the screen. You can call your friends. You can shadily critique The Weeknd's performance (or fawn over it).
Come next spring, your Super Bowl parties will be back. But it's still not the time to be having parties, or gatherings, or any kind of entertainment that could put people at risk. Nearly a year later, COVID-19 is still a deadly risk, still killing thousands of Americans each day.
But while you wait, here's some suggestions as to how to spend your weekend.
1. Watch the "Super Bowl for Depressed Gays" (AKA SNL feat. Dan Levy and Phoebe Bridgers)
This isn't a consolation for a missed Super Bowl party; but still, this weekend's SNL episode is poised to be pretty great — for fans of all things sad and gay, that is.
As a Twitter user named Tor Haugan wrote, "Reminder that Saturday is the super bowl for depressed gays."
@nbcsnl @phoebe_bridgers Reminder that Saturday is the super bowl for depressed gays https://t.co/xmoFjh1PP8— Tor Haugan (@Tor Haugan) 1612491683.0
2. Go outside and exercise
This isn't meant to guilt you into exercising — to each their own regarding that — but if you have a lot of pent-up rage that you'd normally get out by screaming a lot at your big Super Bowl Party, maybe try going outside and running around a bit? Throw a stone at a lake? Lift some heavy things while screaming and flexing in the mirror? Who knows, you could even try to throw a football around...some people seem to enjoy that...
3. Go to therapy
We all know it's true: Men will watch football instead of going to therapy. But maybe now is your chance to actually go to therapy. For example, Talkspace has $70 and $99/week plans that will allow you to vent to another person.
4. Throw an online Super Bowl party
This one's obvious to the point of being offensive, and everyone's sick of being told to "just do a Zoom!" now. We know, Zoom interactions do not compare to the organic catharsis of genuinely getting drunk with other people in the room. But maybe now's the time to rally your friends far and wide and try a social app, an online game, a video call or a healthy Omegle session. Just don't get too weird.
5. Curl up in a ball, rock back and forth, and wait for next year
Maybe there's no consolation for any of this. So if you decide to spend this weekend — like all the others — curled up in a ball rocking back and forth, wondering how the hell you're going to fix your life while everything seems like it's burning around you — just keep doing your thing, man. Remember, summer's on its way, the vaccine is expected to be fully distributed over the summer, and at some point we all have to make peace with the fact that life is an endless cycle of suffering and pain. Stop having parties!