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Before we get into it, let’s take a moment of silence in honor of Dash, the charming little Calabasas store Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe owned together when Keeping Up With the Kardashians premiered.
Moment of silence over; let’s rank all the Kardashian brands from worst to best!
12. Kendall + Kylie
https://www.instagram.com/p/BDA_Z1Qqn1P/?hl=en
In the last spot in Kendall + Kylie, a clothing brand I thought went out of business a few years back. It’s a collaboration between the two Jenner girls, which sells tops, bottoms, dresses, leather jackets, and handbags. Why is it in last place? It seriously does not feel like their hearts are in it. The styles are basic, like Target’s sale-section-basic. And they don’t even have the decency to ship items to you. It’s all sold through Amazon! This doesn’t give us that luxe Calabasas vibe we expect from the Kardashian Clan.
11. Arthur George
https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Nw6YJFMJN/?hl=en
Arthur George is another Kardashian brand that feels like a shunned cousin, with a hodgepodge of bizarre products that don’t go together. Which sister owns this one? Surprise! It’s Rob. Don’t worry, I forgot he existed, too. The brand began — and sorta still is? — a sock company, with cheeky designs that say things like “DILF” and “SMOKE WEED.” Superrrr classy. Then there are some random hats and T-shirts, plus a whole wedding section with “Bride” socks — what? It also sells adult onesies. I don’t know what to even say about this.
10. Lemme
The Lemme brand is just soooo Kourtney. It’s a supplement brand that has an edgy kind of playfulness to it. This is not your mom’s supplements, unless you’re Mason, Penelope, or Reign (Kourt’s kids). There are intimacy gummies, hair-growth gummies, fast metabolism capsules, and more. She’s even added vaginal probiotic gummies to the lineup. Kourtney says she created the brand after “years of seeking the perfect supplement” with no luck. Do I trust Kourt K with my health? I’m not so sure, but some people adore the brand’s products.
9. Kylie Cosmetics
I’m not trying to be a hater, but I don’t understand why Kylie Cosmetics has been so hyped up. I’ve tried the lip kit, and I get it. It’s a great liquid lipstick that doesn’t crease or crumple. But beyond that, I’m at a loss. The mascara makes my eyes sting, and eyeshadows that flitter off in the blink of an eye (literally). And even though the lipsticks are fierce out of the box, Kylie’s products get kinda icky after a few months, and that’s not what I want out of a product I paid good money for.
8. SKKN
SKKN is Kim’s skincare brand, which very carefully does not step on Kylie’s cosmetic toes. Well, maybe just a teeny-tiny tiptoe. The brand sells mostly skincare, including toner and eye cream, but it also offers lip liners and highlighters. Much like Kendall + Kylie, this website feels a titch half-assed. It’s not that it’s a bad site per se, but it lacks Kim’s signature boldness and flair. I’d venture to say skincare might not be her passion, at least not the way Kim’s shapewear is!
7. Khy
https://www.instagram.com/p/DKKU0m2Rnm2/?hl=en
Bet you didn’t know Kylie has a clothing brand! It falls in the middle of this pack because, well, it’s a middle-of-the-road brand. Khy features fitted white tank tops, slinky black leather dresses, teeny-tiny mini skirts, and other basics. Much like Kylie’s style, everything’s skintight and sexy. The brand also sells jeans — I wonder if that causes any competition with another Kardashian brand? One of the most enticing things about this brand is that they have a Kylie’s Closet collection where you can shop the looks she wears on her Instagram.
6. Khloud Foods
https://www.instagram.com/p/DJM8z_eSFqD/?hl=en
This one is brand spanking new! Khloe recently launched Khloud Foods, a company that’s focused solely on protein popcorn. It aligns well with her heavily documented fitness journey and sounds much tastier than those dreadful protein shakes I see dudes drinking. I’ve yet to try the popcorn, but people say it has a fun taste, but an unpleasant, gritty texture. That’s par for the course with protein-packed foods.
5. Poosh
Poosh is a lifestyle brand/website created by Kourtney Kardashian, a la Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop. The magazine-like website covers celebrity topics, viral trends, and any spur-of-the-moment Kardashian shenanigans. From “Lucky Girl Syndrome” to Khloe’s workout routine, it’s a mishmash (or a pishpoosh, if you will) of items. It highlights must-have products, shares how to manifest success, and offers home remedies for discomforts like bloating. Overall, I find the site pretty cute, which is why it gets spot #5, but it’s no Cosmo.
4. SKIMS
Remember when Kiki embodied cultural appropriation by naming her shapewear brand “Kimono”? That was wild. Why didn’t someone on her team point out the outrageous issues with that!? She wised up shortly after launching the brand and changed it to SKIMS — still not great — but at least it’s not offensive. The company makes underwear, shapewear, and now clothing, all of which have that neutral vibe that Kim loves. Some of the clothes are cute and chic, and some a tad strange — the Pierced Nipple Push-Up Bra comes to mind.
3. 818 Tequila
I guess Kendall is a tequila girl. Same! I also have to put some respect on her name because she didn’t launch another beauty or fashion label like all her siblings. Instead, she said, “let’s get tipsy on tequila.” and founded 818 Tequila — love her for that. The 818 is a nod to Kendall’s roots — named after the area code for Calabasas and the San Fernando Valley, it reflects her home place with intention and authenticity. The tequila is crafted with care, using agaves aged for seven years, cooked for 30 hours, and fermented for another 70. The brand also works with local, family-owned farms in Jalisco — I don’t think many other Kardashian brands can make such wholesome claims.
2. Good American
I’m putting Khloe Kardashian’s brand Good American at the top — technically, bottom — of this list. It’s redefining street style and delivering top-quality looks that are striking yet understated. The jeans are worth falling head over heels for. They’re made with high-end denim and provide a flattering fit. Beyond the wide variety of jean cuts and colors, the brand also makes trendy tops, flirty skirts, and sexy swimsuits. Respect to Khloe for working her ass off to get a great ass and then making jeans to show it off in.
1. The Kardashians™ By Kris Jenner
The number one Kardashian brand is the family itself, and it’s all thanks to that botoxed mastermind, Kris Jenner. She turned her tiresome, irritating family into a best-selling monolith. Her momager skills are for the ages, and she’ll always be the business legend who spawned the House Of Kardashian.
