Each week one of Popdust's disposable clones — grown in a vault deep beneath the Mojave desert — is exposed to the outside world through a relentless feed of news, pop culture, and social media.
The arduous process accelerates their dissolution back into an amorphous clone slurry. But before they go, they leave behind a document of what they've absorbed and what they've learned — a time capsule preserving a single moment in the slow-motion collapse of civilization. An End Times Update...
Transcript 5/1/2021:
The sky, it's beautiful!
(Cough)
Oh, hi! Welcome to another End Times Update, presented by Popdust. I'll be your clone host for this week, Dale-Earl Oddnerd.
As always, we'll be running through the latest omens of the ill fortune lurking in humanity's future. So, if you find yourself overwhelmed at any point, by, you know, the sense of encroaching doom, just freeze—
(Arnold Schwarzenegger): "Freeze"
(Laughter)
—long enough to smash that like button. And don't forget to subscribe for more existential dread.
This week has been another hair-raising installment in the unswerving progression toward civilizational demise. But where to begin?
Oh, I know! This Wednesday marked National Superhero day in America, and gave everyone a chance to say which hero they really liked best.
In less heroic news, podcasting phenomenon Joe Rogan made headlines this week, after suggesting to his millions of mostly young fans that young, healthy people don't need to get vaccinated against the COVID-19 virus.
(Joe Rogan): "If the vaccine is available to everybody who wants it, and everybody who wants it gets vaccinated, who are we protecting"?
The comedian and UFC commentator may have been overlooking the vital importance of herd immunity in getting the pandemic under control and preventing the development of dangerous mutations — like the strain that's currently sending a lot of young people to the hospital…
Rogan's take has been decried by experts across the board, and earned a shout out from the President's chief medical advisor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, who stressed the importance of young people getting vaccinated.
(Dr. Fauci): "If I'm a young person and I don't want to vaccinated, but I get infected, you may then infdct someone inadvertently, and I'll use the word innocently, because I don't think anyone deliberately wants to do that. And then you'll pass the infection on to someone else, who might pass it on to someone else, who might really get seriously ill, and might die."
Still, it's hard to know whose opinion to trust. On the one hand, Dr. Fauci has more than 50 years professional experience in the field of public health, on the other hand...
(Stephen Baldwin): "Legs are moving, man. Antennas moving."
(Joe Rogan): "Say goodbye"
(Woman): "Bye bye, baby."
(Joe Rogan): "Now that is why I'm the host of Fear Factor."
But just in case there's still any confusion, Rogan responded to the backlash by clarifying his position:
(Joe Rogan): "I'm not a doctor, I'm a ****ing moron — Again, I'm not a doctor, I'm a ****ing moron — Again, I'm not a doctor, I'm a ****ing moron."
Okay, okay, that's probably enough…for today.
Speaking of morons and Joe Rogan — Elon Musk. Not only is he another absurdly rich guy — more than a thousand times richer than Rogan — who loves to share his fun, wacky, baseless opinions on COVID, he and Joe are also best buds.
(Joe Rogan): "It's tobacco and mar***ana in there. So it's..."
So it probably shouldn't have surprised anyone when there was backlash to Saturday night Live's announcement that the Tesla CEO would be hosting with musical guest Miley Cyrus.
Even cast members Bowen Yang and Aidy Bryant shared their criticisms…before taking them down again to avoid incurring the wrath of Lorne Michales.
Some have questioned how a man hoarding enough wealth to end world hunger could possibly contribute anything to comedy. Others have suggested that the show would be better served by letting Cyrus take on the roles of both host and musical guest, as she did in 2013 and 2015.
But no one seems to realize that the same could be said of Musk. Not only is Musk in a long-term relationship with synth-pop musician Grimes, he is actually a musician in his own right…sort of. For now though, we can only imagine what a live Musk concert might look like. Hmm…
Music: "Don't doubt your vibe, because it's true — She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, toot toot. She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, toot toot. She'll be coming 'round the mountain She'll be coming 'round the mountain, she'll be coming 'round the mountainwhen she comes, toot toot."
In political news, this week President Joe Biden delivered his first address to a joint session of congress, which was great if you like a lot of blah blah blah.
Joe Biden: "Madam Vice President. No president has ever said those words from this podium. No president has ever said those words, and it's about time. Now, after just 100 days, I can report to the nation, America is on the move again."
And then there was the Republican response, which was just, blah!
(Tim Scott): "America is not a racist country."
Oh, but there was one nice bit of news this week. Billie Eilish shared a video for her new single, "Your Power," and it's all kinds of haunting and beautiful.
(Billie Eilish): "Would you only feel bad if it turns out that they kill your contract? Would you?"
Eilish also announced a title and release date for her second studio album, Happier Than Ever, which will be out July 30th. So that's something we can look forward to. Or, you know, (cough) some of us can...
Well, that's it for this week. If the world survives longer than I do, we'll send another clone with more updates. Until then, byyyyye...