It might be a meme at this point, but movies based on video games are almost always hot steaming trash.
But there can only be one worst-of-the-worst, a single dump cornier than all the rest. And while many video game movies have strived for the absolute floor of cinema, one hack film truly reigns as the Supreme King of Crap. Let's find out which it is.
7. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Angelina Jolie was a solid casting choice for Lara Croft, but that's just about the only thing Lara Croft: Tomb Raider got right. Even the action scenes fall flat, which is a bit of a problem for a movie that barely has any story in the first place.
6. Hitman: Agent 47
Much like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, the reason Hitman: Agent 47 fails is that it mistakes something fun to play for something fun to watch. The result is an action movie with very little action and an experience so unmemorable that you forget most of it before it's even over.
5. Assassin's Creed
The Assassin's Creed games are incredibly intricate, immersive experiences predicated on stealth, parkour, and (obviously) assassinations. The movie is a big-budget snorefest starring Michael Fassbender as a Spanish man.
4. May Payne
So far, we've learned that adapting action games to film is usually a bad idea. At the same time, the Max Payne movie is so bad that it almost makes an argument for its own existence. Almost. Mark Wahlberg gave such a bad performance in the titular role that he was nominated for a Razzie.
3. Super Mario Bros.
Often considered the worst video game movie (but not on this list!), the Super Mario Bros. movie seemed to fundamentally misunderstand literally every aspect of the beloved Nintendo franchise. It turned Bowser into an old white man with spiky blonde hair, for Christ's sake. No wonder Nintendo stopped licensing their properties out for film.
2. Alone in the Dark
German director Uwe Boll is something of an anomaly in the film world, almost renowned for his ability to churn out consistently terrible work. But even amongst his entire portfolio of shlock, Alone in the Dark is an almost impressively stinky turd. Starring Christian Slater in the single-worst performance of his career and Tara Reid performing par for the course, Entertainment Weekly called Alone in the Dark "so bad it's postmodern." Like the game, it's spooky. Unlike the game, the reason it's spooky is that it completely shatters your perception of what even constitutes a "movie."
1. Postal
When the first Postal game came out in 1997, it drummed up more controversy than any other video game that came before it. Loosely based on a series of real world incidents wherein United States Postal Service workers lashed out and murdered their managers and co-workers, Postal placed gamers into the shoes of a Postal worker on a murdering spree. Now imagine what would happen if Postal got a film adaptation from Alone in the Dark director Uwe Boll. Yes, it's a real movie, and yes, it's exactly as bad as it sounds. Uwe Boll is the unequivocal king of filmic sh*t, and Postal is his coup d'trash.