After way too many years of waiting, Black Widow is finally getting her own movie.
And in the same way that a Russian assassin with a distinctly non-Russian accent deals with her targets, Marvel quietly dropped the first Black Widow trailer in the middle of the night.
Marvel Studios' Black Widow - Official Teaser Trailer www.youtube.com
So, first things first––yes, even at a point when many of us are super burnt out on superhero movies, it really is great to see Black Widow finally getting her own feature.
At the same time, though, I've started to experience a weird phenomenon every time a new superhero movie trailer comes out. I watch the trailer and I think to myself, "Dang, there are so many Funko Pops here."
Allow me to explain.
For anyone who lives under a rock, Funko Pops are those big head, dead-eyed, ten-dollar figures that are sold literally everywhere. Every time a new superhero movie comes out, they release an absolutely endless stream of tie-in figures. Every tiny variant is a new Funko Pop. And if you know what to look for in a trailer, you can literally spot them. I'll show you.
We open on Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow staring at herself in the mirror. She's wearing a tank top. Black Tank Top Black Widow? That's gonna be a Funko Pop.
Flashback to young Black Widow training as an assassin. Young Black Widow? Yeah, that'll be a Funko Pop.
Another flashback. Black Widow in a Leather Coat. Funko Pop. Black Widow in her classic Black Suit. Not only will that be a Funko Pop, but I guaran-f*cking-tee there's going to be a hanging variant where she seems to be dangling on a rope with guns out. At least two Funko Pops.
Oh man, Black Widow is fighting her sister now? Nice! Black Widow's sister, Yelena, is definitely getting a Funko Pop. We're also probably going to see a Black Widow Fighting Her Sister Funko Pop Movie Moment (yes, that is an actual thing).
Cut to Black Widow and her Sister on a motorcycle. Oh yeah, I'm thinking that'll be a Funko Pop Ride (yes, that is also an actual thing).
Quick shot of Black Widow posing in a slightly different leather outfit. Need a Funko Pop of that for sure.
OOOOOOOOH. WHITE OUTFIT BLACK WIDOW. WHITE OUTFIT. Funko Pop. This one is going to have a few variants, too. I'd put money on Glow-In-The-Dark White Outfit Black Widow Target Exclusive.
Taskmaster enters (Daaaaang son). He's going to have a Funko Pops for sure. Probably two––one standard, one with his bow and arrow out.
There's Rachel Weisz playing another former Black Widow in her battle suit. Funko Pop.
Hey, there's David Harbour as Alexei Shostakov. He's Red Guardian! We get a whole lot of shots of him, and that's actually going to be four distinct Funko Pops––Alexei Shostakov Casual Prison Uniform, Alexei Shostakov Shirtless, Red Guardian, and Red Guardian Maskless where they reuse the same head from Alexei Shostakov Shirtless.
Family dinner. Black Widow's sister has a battle suit, too. Funko Pop that sh*t.
Close on a helicopter jump scene. Black Widow is being shot at by some generic soldier. Not sure what organization he's from, but it doesn't matter. He's getting a Funko Pop.
So from that two-minute trailer, I think we can safely count on there being at least 19 Funko Pops. Revisit this article around the movie's release. See if I'm right.
I promise I am.