Welcome back to "Now in Theaters: 5 New Movies for the Weekend."
This week we have Avengers: Endgame. Let's be honest, you don't care about anything else.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame - Official Trailer www.youtube.com
When Marvel released their first
Iron Man movie in 2008, nobody could have foreseen how drastically it would shape the future of Hollywood. While "nerdiness" still reeked of negative stigma, earlier comic book adaptations like Sam Raimi's Spider-Man and Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins proved mainstream successes at the box office. But the concept of a "cinematic universe"––a series of interconnected movies where vast numbers of standalone entries contributed to a massive overarching narrative––had never been done before.
Marvel's formula was wildly successful, turning every movie into an "event" that needed to be witnessed in order to partake in the larger narrative. The best entries turned obscure titles into household names ( Guardians of the Galaxy). The worst entries (Thor: The Dark World) were just small bumps on a longer road. All of it promised to culminate in a massive battle between Marvel's greatest heroes and the intergalactic supervillain, Thanos.
Avengers: Endgame is the conclusion of that battle, the result of all 21 Marvel Cinematic Universe movies that came beforehand. Today's movie market may be oversaturated with superhero fare, especially considering every other company from DC to Universal wants a cinematic universe of their own, but Avengers: Endgame is different. It's not a copycat. It's the original, the real deal, the biggest movie of the decade.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame | “To the End" www.youtube.com
Normally, I try to use my totally unnecessary film degree to inform you, dear reader, about what movies are coming out over the weekend. I painstakingly comb through trailers on YouTube to bring you
the very best viewing recommendations. That means Chinese-language dramas, Bollywood farces, documentaries, and, of course, spooky boys. But this week I got nothing for you. Nobody wants to release their movie the same weekend as Avengers: Endgame. You're either seeing it or you're staying home.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame | “Found" TV Spot www.youtube.com
At this point, I'm just attaching random trailers for
Avengers: Endgame in order to hit my minimum word count. Is this the one where Hawkeye shoots an arrow? Or the one with a closeup of Nebula looking angry? I don't even know anymore. I attached them randomly, and to be honest, they're all kind of the same. But are you hyped? I'm hyped. All your favorite Avengers are gonna be there––Thor, Spider-Man, Aquaman, Ms. Marvel, Hulk. Maybe Loki will be there too.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame | "No Mistakes, Kids" TV Spot www.youtube.com
I have a confession to make. For a long time, I was really gung-ho about attending every Marvel movie premiere. I midnight screened with the best of them, believe me. I still have those stupid Hulk IMAX 3D glasses that were only given out during the first screening of
The Avengers. But I'm just burnt out on superhero movies now. So here's the truth. I didn't see Ant-Man and the Wasp. There, I said it. I'm a giant fraud, and I'll be watching Endgame this weekend with only 21/22 pieces of the necessary information.
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Endgame | “Awesome" TV Spot www.youtube.com
I don't know if I have enough time to see
Ant-Man and the Wasp before Endgame. I really messed up, okay, I admit that. I should have seen it when I had the chance and now it's too late. IT'S TOO LATE. I have a doctor's appointment tonight, so unless I take off work on Friday and watch it in the morning, I literally don't have time. What are the chances that the events in Ant-Man and the Wasp will heavily factor into Thanos's affairs? Does Thanos even care about Ant-Man? Thanos is a space titan with the power to bend time and space, and Ant-Man is just Paul Rudd in a dumb suit. Ant-Man is a pretty lame hero, honestly.
Frankly, I'm freaking out here. I'm at my wit's end. I know, I KNOW Ant-Man and the Wasp probably doesn't matter, but what if it does? What if End Game's climactic scene involves Thanos killing all the other Avengers and then Ant-Man and the Wasp get really small and beat him up and Ant-Man says, "Hey, Thanos, remember (insert reference to events of Ant-Man and the Wasp)?" and I don't understand it because sorry, I had other plans when my friends wanted to go see it?
I tried to read the Ant-Man and the Wasp summary on Wikipedia but it was super boring and I couldn't make it through. So if you're reading this and want to help, PLEASE SEND ME YOUR BEST ORIGINAL ANT-MAN AND THE WASP SUMMARY. Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org RE: ANT-MAN AND THE WASP SUMMARY. I will straight up publish it on our site and give you full credit, and you will be a published author please help.
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