Back in my day, we just sang about doin' it.
When it comes to music, it's as if I have a boomer's soul.
Despite falling neatly in the middle of the millennial generation, I was raised on Johnny Cash, Bobby Darin, and the Everly Brothers–which is to say, I understand nothing. Why is Billie EIlish so sad? What does Lizzo dream about? Who said Ed Sheeran was allowed to have a career? What's "DaBaby?" And then there's Harry Styles. Oh, Harry Styles: a beacon of (maybe) bisexual boy band energy and tutu-wearing masculinity. I can dig it. But then he released "Watermelon Sugar." Rolling Stone greeted its arrival by saying "Harry Styles Yearns for Taste of 'Watermelon Sugar.'" They wrote that the "track has the singer nostalgic for 'that summer feeling,' yearning for berries and the taste of watermelon sugar." Aw, so wholesome, so sweet.
And then Buzzfeed ruined it–ruined me, temporarily. Curating Twitter's best Harry Styles decoders, they revealed the truth: "Watermelon Sugar" is about oral sex. What is "watermelon sugar," exactly, in this context? According to Urban Dictionary, it's a "term used for male prec-m while giving oral sex."
Can it be true? Let's look at the second verse and the bridge: "Strawberries on a summer evenin' / Baby, you're the end of June / I want your belly and that summer feelin' / Getting washed away in you."
I...want...your...belly? Then the pre-chorus and chorus go: "Breathe me in / Breathe me out / I don't know if I could ever go without…Watermelon sugar high / watermelon sugar high / WATERMELON SUGAR HIGH" and oh-my-god, this song is absolutely about oral sex!
In fact, you know what? I'm into it. Good, go ahead, Harry Styles, you aspiring millennial Beatle. After all, the fab four poured their hearts out about feeling "your finger on my trigger" in "Happiness Is a Warm Gun," a "fish and finger pie in summer" in "Penny Lane," and, frankly, a ton of lyrics also about oral sex (what did you think "Why Don't We Do It In the Road" was about?").
Harry Styles - Watermelon Sugar (Official Video) www.youtube.com
And you know what other songs win innuendo bingo? A lot of modern pop hits you wouldn't expect from their bopping, innocent melodies. I feel deceived. Actually, I feel old. In my day, if you wanted to sing about sex, you would just do as Paul McCartney did in "Hi, Hi, Hi" and belt out, "Yes, I go like a rabbit, gonna grab it / Gonna do it 'til the night is done."
Beyonce - "Rocket"
Obviously, if you think a song that begins with the line "let me sit this ass on you" isn't about sex, then you're not paying attention. And we know this song came out back in 2013, but we have to respect the extended metaphor Beyonce is creating here: "Rock right up to the side of my mountain / Climb until you reach my peak baby, peak babe, peak / And reach right into the bottom of my fountain / I wanna play in your deep baby, your deep baby, deep." And if that wasn't enough to convey that this song isn't about a rocket, there's more! "Then dip me under where you can feel my river flowing and flow / Hold me 'til I scream for air to breathe / And wash me over until my well runs dry Send all your sins all over me, babe, me baby, me / Rock it 'til waterfalls." Shoutout to all you pastors' kids who thought maybe this was about a really intense baptism!
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Now that Banksy's "Flower Thrower" trademark has been revoked, anyone can profit off his work.
This week anonymous street artist Banksy officially lost the European trademark to his "Flower Thrower" mural.
The guerrilla graffiti artist had engaged in a prolonged legal battle with the small greeting card company Full Colour Black—which was selling products featuring the image of a Palestinian man throwing a bouquet of flowers. But now a panel at the European Union Intellectual Property Office has announced their decision to revoke the artist's trademark on the grounds that he could not definitively prove himself to be the mural's creator.
With social media giants like Facebook and Instagram woven into our daily lives, does a boycott have real weight?
Kim Kardashian has nearly 190 million followers on Instagram, where she's in the habit of posting at least once a day.
If her followers were a nation, they would be the 8th most populous on the planet. But the citizens of Kardashia (Kimeroon? The United Kimdom?) will not be receiving any diplomatic news or thirst traps from their dear leader on Wednesday.
As she announced on Instagram on Tuesday, she is taking part in the one-day boycott of Instagram and Facebook organized by Stop Hate for Profit and promoted by other celebrities, from Katy Perry to Leonardo DiCaprio.