The Kool Aid man is missing. We believe its our fault.
In the midst of the Corona Virus pandemic and concerns about the global economy, another major event has largely gone unnoticed. The Kool Aid man has gone missing.
🚨🚨 KOOL-AID MAN IS MISSING 🚨🚨 We repeat! 🚨🚨 KOOL-AID MAN IS MISSING 🚨🚨 Has anyone seen Kool-Aid Man!? The big… https://t.co/teqapDrluZ— Kool-Aid Man (@Kool-Aid Man)1583765030.0
On February 11th 2020, I posted the below call to action. As such, we believe this publication can take responsibility for the disappearance of the Kool Aid man. Our plan is working. Keep faith.
Original article published on 2/11/20
Capitalism is eating itself.
Like a serpent intent on keeping its body pure through self-immolation, capitalism has grown so bloated and animate, it can no longer differentiate itself from that which it consumes. As such, it is now willfully murdering its asexually-produced spawn. Recently, Planter's Mr. Peanut, the brand icon that represented the company for 104 years, committed suicide and shook us all to our very cores.
Among the myriad questions Mr. Peanut's passing brought up, we were forced to wonder: If brand icons can die, surely they can be born? If they can be born, can they reproduce? Do they have sex? If they are alive enough to die, don't they have some kind of moral culpability for their actions? Before this, we had no sympathy for figures like Mr. Peanut, Chuck E. Cheese, and Michelin man. We thought they were hollow vessels upon which humanity was projected in order to sell things to a populace. But no. It would appear they're very much alive, and if Mr. Peanut's suicide is any indication, they're miserable.
Soon, the arrival of Baby Nut complicated matters. Baby Nut is a reincarnation of Mr. Peanut's haggard, sexually-repressed soul that was presented to the world on Super Bowl Sunday, the holiest of days for the God of consumerism. Now, Baby Nut is on twitter. Signaling for help.
WWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭— Peanut Jr. (@Peanut Jr.)1581062400.0
Gotta be in bed by 6 so I can wake up at 3am to scream 🙃— Peanut Jr. (@Peanut Jr.)1581030000.0
Like spirits residing in talismans, it appears brand mascots can move from host to host, spreading moral decay and salted nuts wherever they go. While many feel that to end the life of Baby Nut would only be a mercy, particularly if a higher power could be harnessed to ensure he does not once more reincarnate, others have begun to wonder what this life cycle indicates about the mortality of other brand icons. Soon, this line of questioning leads down darker alleys. If these beings are mortal just like us, and can be killed, should we not free them from their suffering? Should we not free them as Mr. Peanut freed himself? Can we relieve Chester Cheetah of the overtly sexual way he says "Dangerously cheesy" with the sweet kiss of death? Could we spill the Kool Aid man's red innards onto the streets of full-fledged revolution as his smile finally settles into a mask of peaceful death? Can the Charmin Bears be exterminated for their own good? Could we free Lucky the leprechaun from his futile pursuit of cereal with the drop of a guillotine? Is Mr. Clean being used as a sex slave? The answer is, ostensibly, yes. While they may reincarnate in another form, surely we can offer them respite at the very least. Surely if we end them enough times, they will cease to return and will, at last, be liberated.
We leave you with this: The chains of capitalism are heavy, and her minions are many and strong, but if they begin to fall, as Mr. Peanut has, as others inevitably will, perhaps they'll pull the hydra of consumer culture down with them. There is no salvation in electoral politics; change only comes when the people rise up and cast down the symbols of oppression. So, let us rise, let us rise and free the haunted slaves of our capitalist overlords. Let us undo the black magic that forces them to do their master's bidding. Let us free them with the kiss of death.
Our hit list is as follows:
Chuck E. Cheese
The Kool Aid Man
The Laughing Cow
Jolly Green Giant
Tony the Tiger
Quicky the Nesquick Rabbit
More to follow. Spread the word. Rally the people.
- Throwback YouTubers That are Still Worth Watching - Popdust ›
- Keanu Reeves, Nicolas Cage, and Neil Gaiman Won the Internet ... ›
- Super Bowl Ad-pocalypse: Return to the Charmin Bears' Assh*le ... ›
The rapper's magnum opus turned 10 years old over the weekend.
It's almost eerie how accurately Kanye West predicted his own fate when he uttered the words "I miss the old Kanye" on 2016's The Life of Pablo.
In my head, and likely in the memories of many others, there are two Kanyes: a then and a now. Both are cocky, self-important, certifiable jerks, but then, he at least still felt a marginal need to continue proving himself.
Now, he's so immeasurably detached from reality that it's a little hard to take anything he does or creates seriously—at this point, I find it difficult to even care. I don't want to explicitly cite a certain presidential election and its aftermath as the dividing line between the Kanye of then and now in my conscience, but...yeah, Kanye rubbing elbows with Trump was pretty much the last straw for me.
"PAIN" is the latest single from the singer.
If an impending second lockdown has you feeling lonelier than normal, King Princess has released an anthem just for you.
"PAIN" is the latest single from the pop starlet, who seems to be wrapping up a follow-up to her 2019 debut record, Cheap Queen. Co-written alongside Nick Long, Shawn Everett, and Tobias Jesso Jr., the piano-driven tune sees King Princess—real name Mikaela Straus—reckoning with an unfortunate pattern of heartbreak time and time again: "You and I just get along / I wonder how I'll f*ck it up," she sings, as if her misdeeds in the relationship are inevitable.
Gian Carano's political views are upsetting and ignorant, but they are not unusual.
Actor and former MMA fighter Gina Carano has once again come under fire for her social media presence.
Previously Carano — best known for playing former resistance soldier Cara Dune in the Disney+ Star Wars series The Mandalorian — had received pushback over the summer for liking and retweeting messages attacking the Black Lives Matter protesters as violent and irrational.
- "The Mandalorian" REVIEW Season 2, Episode 4 - Popdust ›
- “The Mandalorian” Season 2: Major Plot Leaks - Popdust ›
Last night, World Wrestling Entertainment bid farewell to one of its most iconic superstars, The Undertaker.
Shawn Michaels<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ1Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzEzMDQyNX0.9Li9RIBQ8NizIkHW31b0lM1ENMieIGc31fyvkMQ1nWs/img.jpg?width=980" id="5f0ad" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2ad09e076e0b405e5e073e6b1fd7ea72" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>The Undertaker and <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0382582/" target="_blank">Shawn Michaels</a> were must-see rivals during the <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1276425-wwe-10-reasons-why-the-attitude-era-will-never-be-matched" target="_blank">WWF's Attitude Era</a>. Their most memorable matches during this time were at 1997's <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0297457/" target="_blank">Badd Blood: In Your House</a> in the first-ever <a href="https://www.wwe.com/shows/hellinacell" target="_blank">Hell In A Cell</a> match, and their <a href="https://www.wwe.com/playlist/undertaker-creepy-casket-matches" target="_blank">Casket Match</a> at the <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0234629/" target="_blank">1998 Royal Rumble</a>.</p><p>Their in-ring chemistry would stand the test of time. Almost ten years later, they would have classic matches at <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1279975/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Wrestlemania 25</a> in 2009 and <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/343600-wrestlemania-26-match-card" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Wrestlemania 26</a> in 2010. Their 2010 encounter was a <a href="https://www.wwe.com/shows/wrestlemania/26/matchphotos/undertakervsmichaels#fid-13956490" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Streak vs. Career</a> match where if The Undertaker lost, it would be his first ever Wrestlemania loss. But if Michaels lost, he would have to retire from in-ring competition. We won't spoil the outcome, but let's just say it was a match to remember.</p>
Mankind<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ1My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NzgxODMyNn0.z3JPcq4RwjSpfsYwim_AClYFzQ_3PVLRx4P0FGr_PHc/img.jpg?width=980" id="4dbf8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2588e70e0578d7191f9699aedea9c612" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><a href="https://www.wwe.com/superstars/mick-foley" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Mick Foley</a>'s willingness to put his body on the line elevated the level of danger in his matches with The Undertaker. His portrayal of the deranged Mankind made their rivalry both fun and uncomfortable to watch.</p><p>Taker and Mankind's violent feud would span a series of matches. They took part in the inaugural <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2545068-wwe-classic-of-the-week-the-undertaker-vs-mankind-from-summerslam-1996" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Boiler Room Brawl at SummerSlam 1996</a>, but their most memorable encounter took place at the <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311996/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">1998 King Of The Ring</a> in a Hell In A Cell match, where Taker tossed Mick Foley from the top of the 20-foot cage, sending him crashing into an announcer's table at ringside.</p>
Kane<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ1NS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MDk3MDY3OH0.YFtfTZnq0FXQ6TG4MUwwMwrcV895-F4BWjfmkLlPGNw/img.jpg?width=980" id="ae657" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7de1ee2c8767dd21a57ade725bd441cb" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0414417/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Glenn Jacobs</a> played a plethora of characters before finding success in the WWF as The Undertaker's "brother" <a href="https://www.wwe.com/superstars/kane" target="_blank">Kane</a>. In 1997, Undertaker's manager, <a href="https://www.wwe.com/superstars/paul-bearer" target="_blank">Paul Bearer</a>, turned against him, revealing his brother—who he believed died in a fire during childhood—was alive and coming for revenge. Kane's arrival took place on the same night as Taker and Michael's Hell In A Cell Match at Badd Blood.</p><p>Their feud gave birth to WWF's first <a href="https://www.wwe.com/classics/the-fiery-history-of-the-inferno-match" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Inferno Match</a>, a match where the entire ring is surrounded by fire and the only way to win is to set your opponent on fire. When they weren't trying to murder each other, Kane and his older brother would join forces. Dubbed The Brothers of Destruction, they would wreak havoc on the WWF/E's tag team division.</p>
Stone Cold Steve Austin<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ1Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNzYzMTI3M30._D2EJV0715tkwauBIt4ho4bQKIplLLHzodIRlDWEZH0/img.jpg?width=980" id="f4e56" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="880434b020a5309255b1c35c9b4e4108" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>WWF's Attitude Era also saw the rise of the most popular wrestler in wrestling history in <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0042524/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Stone Cold Steve Austin</a>. Austin's edgy character was more in line with the WWF's core demographic at the time. He would break in the mold of the traditional "good guy" in pro wrestling, a trope created by characters like <a href="https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001356/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Hulk Hogan</a>.</p><p>While Austin was becoming the company's top good guy, The Undertaker was in the middle of his run as the resident evildoer and head of the faction called The Ministry of Darkness. Their collision course consisted of Undertaker sacrificing Austin, trying to inject him with embalming fluid, and a <a href="https://www.thesportster.com/wrestling/every-first-blood-match-wwe-history-ranked/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">First Blood match at 1999's Fully Loaded pay-per-view.</a></p>
Triple H<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ2Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMTUzMDIxNX0.M7jyC5yzYqPChrMbstiuOaDUg7eipRLrTMfSlu7Or-Y/img.jpg?width=980" id="ecf28" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5a3df56db94e1297981a2324dad39fa4" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>The Undertaker and <a href="https://www.wwe.com/superstars/triple-h" target="_blank">Triple H </a> had matches at the height of their popularity, but their best matches came towards the end of their runs as full-time wrestlers. Much like his best friend Shawn Michaels, Triple H had back to back classics with The Deadman at <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/655207-wrestlemania-xxvii-recap" target="_blank">Wrestlemania 27</a> and <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1128143-wwe-wrestlemania-28-results-a-match-by-match-breakdown" target="_blank">28</a>. The match at 28 was known as the <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/1129324-wrestlemania-28-truly-the-end-of-an-era" target="_blank">"End of An Era" match</a>. Shawn Michaels was the special guest referee, with the match stipulation being one Michaels and Taker made famous...Hell In A Cell. </p>
Brock Lesnar<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgwMjQ3MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDY2MDIyNn0.oZer7j-t-rOWoByCRvrmzyNMzGNBNwW6wBB5gAYkYAE/img.jpg?width=980" id="21ef8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="aa62abf37f3f32c05dda7bf8e6270a04" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Much like The Undertaker, <a href="https://www.wwe.com/superstars/brock-lesnar" target="_blank">Brock Lesnar</a>'s presence and resume made him as feared as he is respected. He was WWE's fastest rising star before leaving the company back in 2004 due to his dislike of the rigorous travel schedule.</p><p>Upon his return in 2012, Lesnar would dominate the same way he did when he first debuted back in 2002. His path of destruction would lead to <a href="https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2019410-wwe-wrestlemania-30-results-winners-grades-recap-and-highlights" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Wrestlemania 30</a> in 2014, where Brock would be the 22nd opponent to face Undertaker at the premiere event. Many had Taker pegged as the winner because this was an event he dominated for 20 years. </p><p>But on this night, the world came to a standstill. Brock would accomplish the impossible and beat The Undertaker.</p><p>The shocking victory made Undertaker's record 21-1 at the Showcase of the Immortals.</p>
Life is pretty stressful right now, and if you're like much of the rest of the world, you've turned to the Internet for solace.
Some of us find escape in video calls and games, others in Netflix and music, others in endless scrolling. But if you're looking for a new, relaxing, visually stimulating way to ease your frayed nerves, perhaps consider watching videos of slime, soap-cutting, or any other form of "oddly satisfying" content.
The world of "oddly satisfying" content is large and undefinable. There are thousands of different types of content optimized to satisfy and relax you—from ASMR to binaural beats to zit-popping, the list goes on and on. The Reddit thread "oddly satisfying" is a hotbed of these types of posts, as are YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok.
For the purposes of this article, we'll stay away from auditory ASMR, instead focusing purely on visual content. This is your invitation into the safe, magical, fanciful world of colorful paint, billowing slime, and deliciously skilled workers doing their jobs well.