Every week one of Popdust's disposable clones — grown in a vault deep beneath the Mojave desert — is exposed to the outside world through a relentless feed of news, pop culture, and social media.
The arduous process accelerates their dissolution back into an amorphous clone slurry. But before they go, they leave behind a document of what they've absorbed and what they've learned — a time capsule preserving a single moment in the slow-motion collapse of civilization. An End Times Update...
Transcript 4/9/2021:
This means something this is important… Oh, hi! Welcome to another End Times Update. I'm your clone host for the week, Tanning Chatum.
We'll be running through some of the latest troubling indications of humanity's dark fate, so if you find yourself overwhelmed at any point by the death of hope, pause the video just long enough to smash that like button and don't forget to subscribe for more existential dread.
This week has been another thrilling adventure in the gradual descent toward global instability. At the top of that list, as a necessary condition of the UK's exit from the European Union — AKA Brexit — a hardening border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland has reignited old tensions in a surprising twist that no one could possibly have predicted…
After more than 20 years of peace brought on by the Good Friday agreement of 1998, violent clashes have broken out once again between Unionists, Republicans, and police. In one dramatic display, a double decker bus was hijacked and burned to the ground in Belfast. But now that that's out of everyone's system, everything will be fine.
In other UK news, Queen Elizabeth II's husband of more than 70 years the Duke of Edinburgh — also known as Prince Philip — has died at age 99, despite Piers Morgan begging Megan Markle to stop bullying him.
In actual sad news, rapper and actor DMX also passed away this week, following a heart attack from a possible drug overdose. The "Where the Hood At" rapper had spoken openly about his struggles with addiction and mental health throughout his career. He was only 50 years old.
Speaking of drug addiction, this week Canadian psychologist, self-help guru Jordan Peterson found out that author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates of Between the World and Me had incorporated some of his ideas into a recent issue of Captain America. Coates took over the authorship of the comic series in 2018, but only recently featured a version of the maniacal villain the Red Skull as a charismatic YouTuber whose messages seemed oddly familiar…
When these similarities — including a numbered list of "Rules for Life," and a central dichotomy of "Chaos and Order" — were pointed out on Twitter, Peterson seemed to be offended that Coates would use "a parody of my ideas as part of the philosophy of as part of the philosophy of arch villain Red Skull."
In reality, however, the Red Skull was just using those ideas as a superficially respectable front to lure lost young men toward his more hateful beliefs. Which is not something Peterson would ever allow to happen with his ideas in real life…
Over the weekend Earth Wind and Fire and the Isley Brothers were on musical battle series Verzuz, competing against host Steve Harvey for the audience's attention.
Prominent YouTube Beauty vlogger James Charles responded this week to allegations that he has repeatedly flirted with underage boys. Charles, 23, issued an apology entitled "Holding Myself Accountable," which fans praised as "technically an apology...kind of."
Hollywood and Broadway mogul Scott Rudin, producer of Uncut Gems, The Book of Mormon, and The Social Network, came under fire this week for being, "an absolute monster."
Rudin allegedly maintained a hostile and abusive work environment within his production company — driving employees to sleeplessness and stress disorders, and in one 2012 incident, angrily smashing a computer monitor on an assistant's hand, leaving him bleeding and in need of immediate medical attention. And everyone was like, "Wow! Crazy! We should really tell people about this in like nine years or so."
And in a personally tragic note, it was announced this week that community-driven Q&A platform Yahoo! Answers will be shutting down for good next month. Featuring such gems as "Is it illegal to kill an ant," and "how do I unbake a cake," the platform was also where the first generation of Popdust clones learned about Humanity.
Well, that's it for this week. If the world survives longer than I do, we'll send another clone with more portents of our collective doom. Byyyyyyyyye