What’s the Real Reason Kim and Pete Broke Up?

It’s not over until you know why it’s over.

I am, of course, talking about the internet-breaking split between Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson. This couple was bound to make headlines … and also bound to come to an end. Believe what you will. Some say this odd couple was genuinely in love. Personally, I still believe they were a PR-manufactured relationship.

But whatever they were, the world was watching. Kanye West was irate. Even the Met Gala was implicated. Whether we like it or not, whatever these two do always captures the internet. Their relationship cemented a cultural turn back to alternative aesthetics. It made Kanye so furious he dragged Julia Fox around for a few weeks before threatening Pete with literal, physical violence. But now what, it’s just over?

Of course not.

This drama will not end with the breakup. Luckily for us, this toxic pair has more to say.

Here’s what we know:

It’s unclear who dumped who. Of course, each party is claiming they ended things. Kim was allegedly tired of Pete’s immaturity — he’s 28 to her 41, after all. While a source close to Pete told Heat: “Pete went into this relationship with the best of intentions. He feels bad that Kim’s upset by his decision to end things but also feels like he was left with no choice. It had reached the point where it was all people asked him about, like his career as a successful SNL comedian and actor had flown out the window, and all of a sudden he was Mr. Kim Kardashian.” If you ask me, I simply think the contract ended.

But that’s not all. Apparently, Pete was not cut out to get swept up in Kim’s image-focused, televised lifestyle. Kris — working and scheming as she does— was apparently plotting an ENGAGEMENT!

Can you even imagine? Of course, this was for the show. But c’mon, Pete’s a romantic. If we know anything from his chaotic love life, it’s that. It seems such overbearing management of his love life was one of the last straws.

According to the Heat interview, Pete allegedly felt like a human Ken doll.

“Kim’s controlling behavior was key to Pete’s decision. Kim was constantly micro-managing him, even telling him what he was allowed to wear. She insisted he only is seen in brands that were affiliated with her family deals – and there were endless meetings and daily call sheets that made his head spin.”

Perhaps our Pete felt a tad objectified? Well, how does it feel, Pete? I mean, we all saw that spray tan she forced you to get. Let me not say one. More. Word.

And it’s not the first time Pete Davidson felt he was being used. In his (spoiler alert: not funny) stand-up special, Alive From New York, he said: “My buddy told me … he’s like, ‘Yo, I recently heard that Ariana said she had no idea who you were and that she was just dating you as a distraction.’” Ouch.

Once again, Pete finds himself the rebound and the distraction. And he wasn’t okay with that — even if he was Mr. Distraction for one of the most desirable women in the world.

Somehow, Pete Davidson always prevails. Who knows who’s waiting in the wings to jump into a relationship with this strangely alluring enigma? The memes are saying Hillary Clinton and … the Queen of England? A girl can dream.