Whenever I watch an awards ceremony for the “biggest names in Hollywood,” I regret tuning in about 30 minutes in. It sounds like a great idea to watch The Oscars in theory, but in practice, it’s more agonizing than a low-scoring football game. Last night’s 95th Annual Academy Awards hosted by Jimmy Kimmel held us hostage and threatened to go on for almost four hours.
This year, we were faced with the cold, hard truth: every celeb we know and love is on Ozempic. And Nicole Kidman will forever give us a meme even if she doesn’t speak.
The worst part about these award shows is that you know who’s going to win. Everything, Everywhere, All At Once was going for a sweep of their 11 Oscar nominations, so why do I have to watch everyone, everywhere, all at once make a five minute speech? Seems borderline criminal.
The first award of the night was given to Best Supporting Actress, with EEAO having two nominees in Jamie Lee Curtis and Stephanie Hsu, alongside a roster of talent in Angela Bassett (Black Panther: Wakanda Forever) and Kerry Condon (The Banshees of Inisherin). Controversially, or maybe not, Jamie Lee won.
A24’s multiverse EEAO became the most awarded filem of all time, winning Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Leading Actress with Michelle Yeoh becoming the first Asian actress to win. I was on the edge of my seat for one of the closer races of the night, Best Leading Actor. With names like Austin Butler (Elvis), Brendan Fraser (The Whale), Colin Farrell (Banshees), Paul Mescal (Aftersun), and Bill Nighy (Living), Fraser ended up taking home the Best Leading Actor award.
Believe me, between Ke Huy Quan and Brendan Fraser’s speeches, not a dry eye was in the house.
It wouldn’t be The Oscars without drama. So let’s dig in. Starting with the red carpet – which was actually champagne colored and very ugly this year – we had Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Graham doing interviews. There was a very clear opportunity for millions of TikTok clips if you would have let Baby V interview ex-boyfriend and permanent Elvis stand-in, Austin Butler, but no. Of course not.
Ashley Graham instead interviewed Hugh Grant for quite possibly the most awkward interview of all time. Hugh Grant all but refused to answer questions, even calling The Oscars “Vanity Fair,” to which Graham responds “Vanity Fair is where you’ll be letting loose later.” The whole thing made me sick to my stomach.
And does anyone else feel bad that we keep inviting Rihanna to perform “Lift Me Up” at these shows and then she doesn’t win the award? I think adding her and A$AP Rocky to the audience brings added style and attractiveness that would otherwise lack without them – so maybe give her an award to keep her coming back?
We also have Jamie Lee Curtis’s controversial win as one of the only white women nominated in her category. And while I agree Angela Bassett did the thing both in her performance in Black Panther and her outfit last night, it’s hard to get mad at an actress for winning an award the Academy designated for her. Blame The Academy, not the women.
This year’s major cringe wasn’t a slap, but rather Jimmy Kimmel asking activist Malala Yousafzai if she thought Harry Styles really spit on Chris Pine. After she proceeds to say she only talks about peace, Kimmel nicknamed her Malala-land. Again, just gauge my eyes out at this point.
And for those wondering about hookups, Bad Bunny and Kendall Jenner were seen together at Jay-Z and Beyonce’s afterparty. Also in attendance? Gigi Hadid and Leonardo DiCaprio. Do with that information what you will.
Perhaps my favorite part of the night: the clothes. Some of my favorite looks of the night were as follows:
Megan Thee Stallion
Megan Thee Stallion