For some elusive reason — perhaps because we live in a simulation, the world has already ended, or we are all dreaming this terrible timeline in one collective hallucination — Logan Paul is famous. To add insult to injury, so is his brother, Jake Paul.
The two are social media stars who incessantly find themselves embroiled in controversies which only seem to bring them more fame. Nothing they do seems to garner more than a slap on the wrist — especially with YouTube, their main platform and source of revenue, refusing to demonetize them, claiming that Logan Paul "hadn't violated policies enough times to get terminated, and that suspending his ad revenue was 'actually a pretty strong statement,'" despite acknowledging his disturbing "pattern of behavior."
Logan Paul's slew of outrage-inducing incidents includes: posting a video of a dead body in Japan's "suicide forest," tasering dead rats, claiming to "go gay" for a month, and of course the obligatory racism, sexism, homophobia, and fatphobia of any cis white social media guy.
Yet, after doling out half-hearted apologies for each of his transgressions and taking the hits of a couple of dropped ad deals (the payout of which pales in comparison to his subscriber revenue, anyway), Logan always seems to bounce back stronger (read: worse) with more new content and more ways to reach his goal of being the "world's greatest entertainer," while his brother plans to be the first social media billionaire.
This is our official campaign to stop them.
The Pauls are some of the most hated YouTubers (though, even more likable peers like David Dobrik are not faring great in terms of public opinion these days) due in equal part to their scandals as much as their general terrible personalities. They are more ego than substance, it seems, an assumption proven by their newest extra curricular activity: professional boxing.
While Jake Paul made headlines in 2020 for his terrifying match against Nate Robinson, a show for which Snoop Dogg gained announcer notoriety for his hilarious commentary, the Pauls have been into showing off their physical prowess for years.
In 2019, Logan Paul slapped a man unconscious while training for a competition, "Slap for Cash." Later that year, he hosted the Challenger Olympics, essentially a track meet for YouTubers. He orchestrated the event to prove he was the fastest YouTuber … but pulled a hamstring and had to be escorted off the track.
Logan Paul has also had his share of fights, including two with fellow YouTuber KSI, neither of which Paul won. But he is back in the ring thanks to the new Fight Club series by Triller and Snoop Dogg, the celebrity boxing league which is giving Logan, his brother, and other celebrities more chances to go at it in the ring.
When Jake Paul's fight against Ben Askren aired on the network, it was a celebrity event, through and through, featuring high profile guests and performances by Saweetie, Major Lazer, Diplo, Justin Bieber, and more. The fight was a victory for Paul after a first-round KO. Despite his win, boxing fans were not impressed — mostly for Paul's lack of elegance, perferring brute strength and bravado, and his lack of respect for the sport.
Professional boxing fans have been lamenting that this is what the sport has come to, and the rest of us keep lamenting that we have to hear about the Pauls almost incessantly from every angle.
Local hero, Pete Davidson, was at the event as a commentator and interviewer, imbuing the event with his unrestrained disdain for the entire spectacle — especially when it came to his commentary on Jake Paul.
"They both suck, but at least somebody is going to get hurt," Davidson, the voice of the people, said in a pre-show interview.
He continued: "Today proves the fact that if you have enough followers, you can truly f**king do whatever you want. Maybe PewDePie will cure cancer. Maybe Charlie D'Amelio will become a surgeon."
Pete also allegedly confronted Jake Paul about the sexual abuse allegations that are currently swarming around him in a clip which is now muted and which Paul brushed aside as a joke but later went on a tirade about, calling for Davidson not to be invited back.
The elaborate event — which happened mostly maskless amidst a still-raging pandemic that has proven, if nothing else, that celebrities are deeply embarrassing for the most part and do not care about the rest of us — was just another show of the arrogance the Pauls have become so famous for.
While their fans might applaud their recklessness, envy their wealth and lifestyle, and even appreciate their no-care attitude, the rest of us are begging and pleading to stop hearing about them and for everyone who gives them money to promptly stop doing so.
With the "final" Mayweather vs. Paul fight taking place this weekend, where has hope gone?
Though we will not be tuning in, we are bracing ourselves for the inevitable barrage of promotional content, then subsequent recaps. While our biggest dream is that suddenly everyone will stop paying Logan Paul both money and attention in the time between now and June 5th, all we can reasonably hope for is more Pete Davidson commentary because, on this issue, we seem to be on the same page.