How are we even supposed to tell if the movie is good when the cast is this hot?!
The second trailer for Dune (2021) dropped on Thursday morning, and things are looking good.
The haunting, muted tone and touches of spiritual mystery. The surreal visuals, and the flashes of intense violence. And let's not forget that incredible sandworm!
So far things in the land of Spice are looking convincingly Dune-like, and it might just turn out that director Denis Villeneuve — who proved his ability to revive a sci-fi classic with 2017's critically acclaimed Blade Runner 2049 — has done it again. Considering the complexity and strangeness of the universe Frank Herbert created in the Dune series, that would be a truly impressive feat at the best of times, let alone with a production hampered by pandemic restrictions.
DUNE Trailer #2 (2021) www.youtube.com
Of course we'll have to wait until October 22 — or September 3rd if you can find your way to the Venice Film Festival — to know whether these promising elements hang together in a cohesive and compelling whole. But it seems that Villeneuve and production company Legendary Pictures have an insurance plan in place, in case the final product turns out to be less than perfect: put every hot person ever in the movie.
Do they think we're that shallow?! Do they think that if the story isn't gripping enough we'll just zone out and stare happily at Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya as the star-crossed Paul Atreides and Chani?! Because they're right.
To be honest, with the number of hot people in this production, it might not even be easy to assess whether the movie is any good. If fear is the mind killer, horniness is definitely the enemy of the critical lens. And there are hotties here to satisfy every taste.
If you're not into those Zoomer jawline icons, there's Jason Momoa serving the superhero-bod and the rakish grin as Duncan Idaho (lol); and Dave Bautista as Glossu Rabban, whose muscle-mountain sex-appeal can't be contained by any amount of weird makeup.
And then there's the unstoppable trifecta of dad-hotness. Oscar Isaac is the young, brooding daddy Leto Atreides I, Josh Brolin is the aggro, military daddy Gurney Halleck, and Javier Bardem is the rebel freedom-fighter daddy Stilgar.
Even the lesser-known performers are all gorgeous. From Babs Olusanmokun (Sneaky Pete) with his sculpted cheekbones as Jamis to Rebecca Ferguson (Mission: Impossible - Fallout) with her storm-blue eyes as lady Jessica, these people are all entirely too good-looking.
Admittedly, Hollywood has never been known for its proportional representation of normal-looking people (you and me and all the other uggos), but is it possible that Dune (2021) has taken it too far? Is this the sexiest cast ever?
Well...no. Sorry for the clickbait, but it's not even close. The new cast is sexy enough for sure, but the lack of Idris Elba has to be some form of hotness erasure, and — to be perfectly honest — without Sting in a metal Speedo, no amount of A-list hotties could ever hold a candle to David Lynch's 1984 masterpiece.
Long live the one true Dune. Long live Sting in a metal Speedo.