"Reality itself is too obvious to be true."
In the waking capitalist nightmare that is 2019 America, the absurdity of the daily news cycle has no limits.
Very little even breaks through the average person's carefully constructed mental barriers anymore. Possible nuclear war with North Korea? Whatever. Trump shutting down the government? Yawn. High ranking government officials going to jail for collusion with Russia? Just another Wednesday in the land of the free.
But every now and then, something comes along that crashes into our collective conscience, rearranges our cultural identity, and shocks the nation to its core. Post Malone, a human croc, has come out with an updated version of the iconic rubber clog. The original Post Malone crocs were bright yellow, covered in a barbed wire design, and come with six Jibbitz, including a saw blade, snake, and PM-2 logo. They retail for $59.99, coincidentally, $1.99 more than it costs to send a girl in Syria or Nigeria to school for a full year. And, they sold out in minutes. Twice.
#PostMaloneXCrocs and Jibbitz are gone! https://t.co/BowyMqbqV5— Crocs Shoes (@Crocs Shoes)1544564129.0
The newest Post Malone croc is a little bit different, with a black and blue exterior and velcro strap fastening, clearly an answer to the question: "Can we make crocs uglier?"
To add to the absurdity, the rapper gave away pairs of the new crocs at the Chicken Express in Southlake, Texas before the official December 10th release date. According to News Week, "Fans who visited the restaurant, where Malone used to work, ordered 'The Posty Special,' which came with chicken, fries and a pair of Crocs." Terence Reilly, Crocs Senior Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer, said in a press release: "After three collaborations—all selling out in minutes —we heard our fans' demands for more and I'm pleased that this will be our biggest drop ever. We're excited to give them another opportunity to own these limited-edition Post Malone x Crocs that are no doubt going to make waves around the planet."
We've analyzed post-Post Malone America before, but now more than ever, it's clear that as a country, as a world, we're standing at a crossroads. Do we lean in? Do we accept the inevitability of death and parade around in footwear that looks like someone skinned a minion and made a shoe out of its hide or like a military issued mistake? Or do we fight back, refusing to succumb to the nihilism beating down our proverbial door and insist on wearing sensible sneakers like god intended?
I think, in our hearts, we all know the answer: the popularity of Post Malone crocs prove that it's simply too late. All that's left to do is embrace all that we've become. Don your Post Malone crocs and Kylie Jenner lip kit and sink into the soft bed of apocalypse. Let the ice caps melt, bathe in the tears of the polar bears, breathe deeply the greenhouse gases, and abandon yourself to the rising chaos. Raise your voice, raise it to the heavens, and sing at the top of your lungs, " Ayy, I've been f*ckin' hoes and poppin' pillies/ Man, I feel just like a CROCstar"
Please enjoy the following list of other products we're interested in seeing carry on the Post Malone brand:
Post Malone yoni egg (fake gold and textured)
Post Malone-flavored Pedialyte (tastes like Olive Garden croutons)
Post Malone hair net, made of barbed wire
Post Malone Chia Pet
Artistic credit to the radiant Rebecca Linde
Post Malone post office (we didn't feel like we had a choice here)
Fu*k it...Post Malone Furbie
Post Mate Malone (only delivers PBR and half smoked cigarettes)
Post Malone Dishwasher, but you can only put clothes in it
Post Malone Washing Machine, but you can only but dishes in it
Post Malone fence post (we're honestly so sorry)"If we believe in nothing, if nothing has any meaning and if we can affirm no values whatsoever, then everything is possible and nothing has any importance."
― Albert Camus
- Post Malone Talks New Album, Courtney Love, and COVID-19 on Nirvana Livestream - Popdust ›
- Listen to Post Malone Cover Nirvana Songs Live This Friday - Popdust ›
- Post Malone x Crocs Barbed Wire Classic Clog: Release Info ›
- Crocs, Post Malone have new shoe - Business Insider ›
- Post Malone & Crocs Deliver As Promised On a Second Clog ... ›
- Beerbongs & Bentleys on Twitter: "u can tell a lot about a man by the ... ›
- Post Malone's Newest Crocs Sold Out in 10 Minutes - NBC 5 Dallas ... ›
- Beerbongs & Bentleys on Twitter: "My @Crocs collab drops ... ›
- Would you pay $60 for Post Malone-themed Crocs? A lot of people did ›
- Post Malone X Crocs Charm 3-Pack 1 Jibbitz™ - Crocs ›
- Post Malone line of Crocs sold out in minutes - CNN Video ›
- Limited Edition Post Malone Crocs - Crocs ›
Plus celebrities react to Nigerian protests.
Young people across Nigeria have been pouring into the streets for the last two weeks to protest police brutality, specifically the controversial special police force known as the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS).
Tension came to a head on Tuesday when armed forces fired on protestors in Lagos, the biggest city in Nigeria, who were out past the state-mandated curfew. According to AP News, "Police also fired tear gas at one point, and smoke could be seen billowing from several areas in the city's center. Two private TV stations were forced off the air at least temporarily as their offices were burned."
Not all non-binary people prefer gender-neutral pronouns.
October 21, 2020 marks the third annual International Pronouns Day.
Created by an independent board and first observed in 2018, it's one of those small commemorative holidays that trends on Twitter in hopes of drawing attention to a pressing social issue, like International Women's Day (March 8th) or the ever so serious National Taco Day (October 4).
But Pronouns Day in particular "seeks to make respecting, sharing, and educating about personal pronouns commonplace." The organization's website further describes, "Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Being referred to by the wrong pronouns particularly affects transgender and gender nonconforming people. Together, we can transform society to celebrate people's multiple, intersecting identities."
But in the words of nonbinary activist and Trevor Project's Head of Advocacy and Government Afairs, Sam Brenton, "Pronouns are hard." Never before have pronouns been scrutinized as closely as they are in 2019 for their power to (in)validate or accurately describe something as fluid as gender identity. In fact, it was only this year that the Merriam-Webster Dictionary expanded the definition of "they" "to refer to a single person whose gender identity is nonbinary" (thus codifying a long history in English language of using "they" to refer to a singular non-gendered entity).
‘Everyone has the responsibility to be respectful.’ — The @TrevorProject’s Sam Brinton is explaining why pronouns a… https://t.co/pMMO8KRvBR— NowThis (@NowThis)1571253180.0
But throwing an additional wrench in the works is the fact that not all non-binary people prefer gender-neutral pronouns.
Take me, for instance: Despite having female biology, I couldn't pass a lie detector test saying I'm a "woman." But my pragmatic, Puritan family is still endearingly confused by the idea of "liberal arts," let alone the notion of gender fluidity. And I'd rather share a communal language with them than do the emotional and mental labor of re-orienting their worldview for them. Plus, I have the privilege of passing as female without feeling too, too, terribly dysphoric (which non-binary people can definitely suffer from, despite not identifying as trans).
But enough about me, look at Queer Eye's beloved Jonathan Van Ness. While he's been outspoken about being genderqueer, gay, and HIV positive, he prefers he/him pronouns. "The older I get, the more I think that I'm nonbinary," Van Ness said. "I'm gender nonconforming. Like, some days I feel like a man, but then other days I feel like a woman." As he told Out magazine, he doesn't identify as a man, but he does prefer "he/him/his" pronouns. In his view, those pronouns don't detract from or contradict his non-binary identity, because gender is not about simple binaries between masculine and feminine identifiers. "Any opportunity I have to break down stereotypes of the binary, I am down for it, I'm here for it," he said. "I think that a lot of times gender is used to separate and divide. It's this social construct that I don't really feel like I fit into the way I used to."
On the other hand, last month non-binary singer Sam Smith announced that their preferred pronouns are "they/them." Smith posted to Instagram, "I've decided I am changing my pronouns to THEY/THEM ❤ after a lifetime of being at war with my gender I've decided to embrace myself for who I am, inside and out." People like Smith and Trevor Project's Sam Brenton simply feel more validated, seen, heard, and true to themselves with gender-neutral pronouns. Smith wrote, "I'm so excited and privileged to be surrounded by people that support me in this decision but I've been very nervous about announcing this because I care too much about what people think but f*ck it!"
Most importantly, as pretty much every non-binary person and activist is aware, changing cultural norms is hard. While LGBTQ+ activism is inspired and passionate and dedicated to expanding human rights to all gender identities, we all know that changing society's entire understanding of gender and pronoun usage is about slowly opening minds. As Smith wrote, "I understand there will be many mistakes and mis gendering but all I ask is you please please try. I hope you can see me like I see myself now. Thank you." Happy Pronouns Day to you/him/her/they/(f)aer/zim.