Be proud of your fuzzy nips.
I have to get something off my chest, and no, it's not my luscious, curly chest hair.
As The Mary Sue point out in this enlightening article, Marvel apparently decides to shave almost all of their male superheroes' chests. As a dude sporting a pretty shaggy torso mat myself, I can't mince words here: Marvel's behavior is abhorrent, and I won't stand for it.
Everyone who's not a chud understands that body positivity––or at the very least, body acceptance––is, well, positive. In general, our media landscape has followed suit, if perhaps a little slowly. The cinematic landscape is far more diverse today than ever before, and a lot of that diversity centers around rejecting a uniform aesthetic of what is or is not attractive. And yet, as The Mary Sue illustrated, Marvel seems hellbent on telling hairy men that their chest hair is unwanted.
But here's where things get even worse for us forest-breasted lads: It's not just Marvel sending this message of hate.
Take Jason Momoa, for instance. Here's a man with some nice chest hair. Just look at his chest hair as Khal Drogo. That's the kind of chest hair one would expect from a barbarian warlord.
Now look at him in DC's Aquaman.
Undoubtedly, DC made a conscious decision to shave Jason Momoa's chest hair. But why? Is it because swimmers often shave their body hair in order to glide more easily through the water?
Okay, fine. Well, then explain this. Here's Joaquin Phoenix, a handsome man with some nice chest pubix, in You Were Never Really Here.
Now, here's Joaquin Phoenix shirtless in Joker. Can you tell what's missing?
Yeah, that's right, no chest hair. Don't even try to tell me that Arthur Fleck just randomly decided to shave his chest during a mental episode, because I don't buy that for a second. The chest shaving of The Joker is an intentional effort by DC to show us that the ideal male body does not have an ounce of pec hair.
But I don't think Marvel, DC, and whatever other hairless superpowered smut purveyors are in it alone. No, I think the rabbit hole goes deeper.
Considering the fact that we live in a capitalist hellscape, what if (and this is just a theory) superhero movies were marketing all their male heroes as bare-chested in an attempt to sell razors? What if the true mastermind behind all these no-chest hair superheroes was Gillette?
Okay, I know that's crazy. It's not like there's…
Oh boy. This is it. Not only has Gillette collaborated with both Marvel and DC on superhero-themed razors, but they also started #TheBestASuperHeroCanGet campaign in what can only be summed up as a hate crime against voluminously stranded men.
@justiceleaguewb Which one of our @justiceleaguewb razors would you choose to join your shaving team?… https://t.co/y6mGNNxVGb— Gillette (@Gillette)1509381017.0
If we men take any pride in the strands around our nips, we cannot let this stand. No longer will we let Gillette and their cabal of superhero capitalists tell us that the only male beauty is the hairless kind. We must rise up and throw our razors in the trash. We must pinch our bountiful locks in our fingers and shout, "I'm a hairy man, and that makes me beautiful." Then, at last, we must throw our superhero Blu-rays in the trash. #HairyANDSuper
- Opinion | More male representation needed in body positivity ... ›
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- Do Men Have a Place in the Body Positivity Movement? | InStyle.com ›
- Meet the Champions of Body-Positivity for Men - VICE ›
- 19 Men On What Body Positivity Means To Them | HuffPost Life ›
- In Search of Male Body Positivity – INDIE Magazine ›
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- Where is all the body-positivity support for men? | Revelist ›
- The Guys Making Body Positivity Mainstream for Men ›
- Captain Marvel: why Brie Larson's suit isn't sexy - Vox ›
- All marvel at the glory of the chest hair. | Dragon age | Dragon age ... ›
- The Men of Marvel, Shirtless and Ranked by Hotness | E! News ›
- Bruce has Glorious Chest Hair - Carerra_os - Marvel Avengers ... ›
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"Better late than never" may not apply in this case...
On Saturday, in a strange celebration of Independence Day, rapper, producer, and sneaker mogul Kanye West announced his intention to run for president in 2020.
As in, this year. Right now.
Of course, this news comes well past the filing deadline for independent candidates in several major states—which means that unless a political party randomly decides to nominate him, Kanye's name won't appear on those ballots. As deadlines in other states approach—with little apparent effort to gather the petition signatures required—Kanye is officially joining the long, proud history of vanity presidential campaigns. Unfortunately, that's a lot more dangerous than it sounds.
We must now realize the promise of America by trusting God, unifying our vision and building our future. I am runni… https://t.co/MySzN3vjIB— ye (@ye)1593909493.0
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If you cling to outdated ideas, you are choosing to be left behind.
A relative recently reached out to express concern that I was sharing ageist sentiments on the Internet.
She didn't have to specify which content had bothered her. I knew she was talking about my attacks on "boomers."
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- A Guide For Talking to Boomers - Popdust ›
- OK, boomer. The kids are fighting back. - The Washington Post ›
- 'OK boomer' is dividing generations. What does it mean? ›
- OK, Boomer: This Is How To Respond To Gen Z's New Meme ›
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- "OK, boomer": 25-year-old lawmaker shuts down heckler during ... ›
- What does “OK boomer” mean? The meme, explained - Vox ›
- 'OK Boomer' Marks the End of Friendly Generational Relations - The ... ›