Dating in the computer age—There's Tinder, GrindrOkCupid, FarmersOnly, Clown Lovers, Craigslist Casual Encounters, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison, Plenty Of Fish, JDate, Christian Mingle, BBW Cupid, FurryMate.....Fetster....Beer Passions...Cougar Life.....Match.com....Naturist Passions.....Cat Lovers Network....Singles With Allergies.... PinkCupid.... AgeMatch..... SploshDating.... ZombiePassions... Zoosk.... DateVampires.. .OurTime...Sea Captain Date.... the list is endless.

Each week, Popdust's intrepid reporter, Suzy McCoppin, goes deep undercover in order to guide you through the potentially murky waters of cyber lovin'.

Caitlyn Jenner Is All About The Dating Game

Can you really swipe, click, match, wink your way to true love?

This week, we shine the spotlight on Craigslist Missed Connections...

SLOGAN: Safer sex greatly reduces the risk of STDs (e.g. HIV). Please report suspected exploitation of minors.  (OK, so it’s more public health warning than slogan… but,  it definitely prepares you for the joys that await)

So suppose an unattached happens upon a comely lass on the ab machine at 24 Hour Fitness, or perhaps a "Hispanic tatted up Lady at the Mamas & Papas Mini Market," or, as was the case in my Missed Connections sweep, a man pleasuring himself at a stoplight might lock eyes with a real dime piece. No numbers exchanged, no Facebook, no names.

Does Taylor Swift Know She’s Dating An Asshole?

What are they to do? Well, they might log onto Craigslist Missed Connections in the vain hopes that the object of their affections may be embarking on the same tragic vision quest.

Seems to me to be somewhat of an antiquated concept, ala Desperately Seeking Susan.

This is still happening? In 2015?

Jennifer Lopez And Casper Smart Never Really Split—They’re Still Dating!

Why, yes it is.

HOT TO NOT RATIO: I think I just threw up in my mouth.

BEST PICK UP LINE: I won't steal the vicodin out of your medicine cabinet.

WORST PICK UP LINE: Did anyone find my car keys at the gang bang?

NUMBER OF CORRESPONDENCES IN ONE WEEK: 7

Pamela Anderson And Tommy Lee’s Son Is Hot And Dating A Starlet!

HOTTEST GUY:

Not a classic beauty, but mad points for opening with the Fresh Prince theme song

Approach/Chat Up Line: Now this a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down.

Conversation Skills/Rapport: If rhyme was a drug, he'd sell it by the gram.

Closing Skills: Well, he is a prince.

Rihanna On Dating Chris Brown—’I Fell In Love With the Beast!’

GUY MY MOM WOULD WANT ME TO DATE:

Cunnilingal back up team.

Approach/Chat Up Line: "You wanted to get off Tinder, asked me if I had Facebook, like an idiot I only gave you partial information."

Conversational Skills/Rapport: He's not perfect, but he's earnest, and that's important.

Closing Skills: Well, Jessica and maybe a few other girls in the Pasadena area.

Kanye West—I Lost All My Fashion Friends After Dating Kim Kardashian

WEIRDEST GUY: 

Speaks for itself really....

Approach/Chat Up Line: "We were driving next to each other. You were in an SUV and looked into my car and saw me stroking."

Conversation Skills/Rapport: I would just love to interview the girl who was like "I recognize that wiener!"

Closing Skills: Apparently, he finished in the car.

Nicole Kidman—I Married Keith Urban After One Month Of Dating!

HELL TO THE NO GUY:

If anyone knows the stupid redheaded cunt, do let her know someone is looking for her

Approach/ Chat Up Line: "Why when you get paid do you run off when you owe me money?" Which is actually better than some pick up lines I've heard.

Conversation Skills/Rapport: Erudite, eloquent, concise.

Closing Skills: Leases with an option to buy.

Harry Styles On Dating Men—’Don’t Knock It Till You Try It!’

BLOW BY BLOW DATE SUMMARY:

I answered this ad, and I told Neil ahead of time that I am neither very pregnant nor Latina.

Neil sells Saturns by day and takes night classes in “Assets Management and Accounting.”

He smelled like a Mumbai slum but we listened to Def Leppard on the way to Jamba Juice, which almost made the aforementioned forgivable.

Neil would laugh heartily at nothing, which may seem like an endearing quality, but in practice, it was much more annoying than endearing. And he wouldn’t stop laughing until I would match his level of enthusiasm. And so I would, just to stop him from his unwarranted fit of hysteria.

Rumer Willis—Ashton Kutcher Dating My Mom Was Totally Insane!

It made me appreciate how much more strenuous it is to fake a laugh than it is to fake an orgasm. Your neck hurts, your soul hurts, and you’re etching lines further into your face but with no pleasure to offset the cost.

This made me resent Neil and while I angrily shook my fist at him within the confines of my mind, I realized that I resented nearly every guy I’d been on dates with since I launched this one-woman war on loneliness and masturbation.

There are maybe 3 exceptions, so when your mom says, “There are too many fish in the sea,’” she’s lying. And maybe you should fuck your best friend’s husband.

The Official Kanye West Fan Dating Guide!

Kidding! I kid.

SUMMARY:

Today, I reflect outward: As I continue on this path of the fruitless cyber search, am I more likely to find true love, or to contract Ebola and die a slow painful death?

Check back on Popdust every Friday for an all new foray into the singles world….In the meantime, you can read past Adventures In Dating here

Dating in the computer age—There's Tinder, Grindr, Match, OKCupid, FarmersOnly, Beer Passions, Clown Lovers, Fetster, Craigslist Casual Encounters…the list is endless.

Each week, Popdust's intrepid reporter, Suzy McCoppin, goes deep undercover in order to guide you through the potentially murky waters of cyber lovin'.

Can you really swipe, click, match, wink your way to true love?

WEEK TWO: Craigslist Casual Encounters

As Popdust reported in week one—Tinder is for people looking for no strings attached sexy time—Meanwhile, J Date is for people looking to get married, Farmers Only is for people looking to hoe, and for people who are looking to be forcibly sodomized and carved up with a set of antique surgical instruments, there is Craigslist Casual Encounters. And this week, I was on the operating table.

Hot to not hot ratio: 1 out of every.... just imagine the Department Of Motor Vehicles.

Number of Correspondences: 22

Best pick up line: "I have a $3.24 credit at PayLess Shoes."

Worst Pick Up Line: "I've never been on Jerry Springer."

I mean, so you don't even have an IMDB page? Next!

HOTTEST GUY:

Sure Brad is the color of a burnt sienna crayon, but the man is not afraid of a sit up

Approach/chat up line: “I love doing rape fantasies, and I have a lot of scenarios to play with."

Conversation/Rapport skills: He actually turned out to be a TV writer, so, as far as rapists go, he was quite witty and articulate. (There's a joke here about a rapist having a rapier wit, but I'm just too tired.)

Closing skills: Went dark on me after I sent him a picture of myself in a bunny costume. Note to self: Don't mix your furries with your doms.

WEIRDEST GUY:

Dude can sure rock a mullet

His Approach/Chat Up Line: "Who wants to be my rock n' roll hooch koo?" I think I kinda did.

Conversation/Rapport Skills: You know when you can kinda tell someone has a southern accent, even if you're just reading an email?

Closing Skills: Obviously, this guy crushes major ass.

GUY MY MOM WOULD WANT ME TO DATE:

Not applicable

HELL TO THE NO: (Not because of the gimp mask. Because he smokes and I have allergies. Also the Lacoste shirt seems dated, and not in a good way.)

Preppy Gimp—Versatile enough for the country club and the dungeon

His Approach/Chat Up Line: “My fly is open." -Not in that picture it's not.

Conversation/Rapport skills: Consistent with his fashion sense.

Closing Skills: I've already issued a restraining order.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Ok. Maybe Jo isn't classically handsome. And maybe he posted this add in 2008, but that doesn't change the fact that he is possibly the best guy ever. He does not appear to discriminate based on age, he's very generous with his shell fish, he's got 4 AM caliber stamina and a HO train set! That's the best kinda train set on the market. Jo, call me. I miss you. I miss us.

AVERAGE AGE: 33

KINK FACTOR: Poetically off the charts

DATES THIS WEEK: 1

BLOW BY BLOW SUMMARY:

Since I was unable to zero in on anyone in Craigslist Casual Encounters who I'd describe as my type, I decided to go a more practical route and let my finger do the walking over to the foot fetish section. I do not have a foot fetish per se, but I do suffer from Plantar Fasciitis—a painful disorder of the ligaments characterized by inflammation or structural breakdown of the foot. It requires me to wear hideous orthopedic shoes.

Anyway, the doctor said the best treatment for plantar fasciitis is regular massages and since Popdust's salary doesn't allow for luxuries like massages and say, food, I decided to combine this undercover endeavor into a mélange of perverse practicality.

I found my would-be masseuse in Heinrik, a pint-sized, flame-haired bassist for a Metallica cover band.

I would host. Heinrick would massage. 8 PM, my place. I was surprised that at, a 5'5, (5'6 with orthodics), I had to stare down to look him in the eye. His hair was a cascading mane of scarlet splendor and I suspect from the back he could have been easily mistaken for Amy Adams.

In related news, the night manager at Curves once told me I look like Jon Voight. And no, I'm not mad at it.

Anyway, Amy—I mean Heinrik—was horny for some feet and it just so happened that I had two, so invited him in to admire the splendid canvas that is my diamond dogs. Despite my plantar fasciitis, I actually have pretty feet. Heinrik would confirm this when I peeled off my socks and spun them over my head like Rita Hayworth. Only smelly. He fell to his knees, awestruck by my “symmetry" and “texture," and commenced the foot worshipping portion of the evening, which sadly consisted of a lot of licking, which in no way alleviated my plantar fasciitis and also tickled.

So then we negotiated. For every 5 minutes of foot worship, I would receive 5 minutes of foot massage.

Heinie, as I came to call him, only lasted one round before he again succumbed to their majesty. Licking, sucking, moaning, the whole deal.

But I have to say, watching Heinrik get so turned on by my feet was kind of hot. Was I…..could I be….No…but, strangely…

What I like to call “the fat man effect" had kicked in. This is when you interface. with someone so far below your league and their unbridled enthusiasm strikes some kind of ego/libido hybrid and then you find yourself making out with a paunchy cello teacher from Pakistan. It's also the reason my friend Melissa masturbates to the homeless man outside of Trader Joe's who said, “I like pussy," when she walked by, carrying her bag of organic frozen brussel sprouts and Inner Peas.

Whatever the case, I was horny for the foot worshiper. Not horny enough to do anything with him, mind you, at least anything above my ankles, but maybe I thought about him later that night. When I was alone and near an electrical outlet.

SUMMARY:

Free foot massage and an indirect climax? I vote “thumbs up" on Craigslist Casual Encounters.

Check back on Popdust every Friday for all new Adventures in Dating—next week—Farmers Only....

Dating in the computer age—There's Tinder, Grindr, Match, OKCupid, FarmersOnly, Beer Passions, Clown Lovers, Fetster, Craigs List Casual Encounters…the list is endless.

Each week, Popdust's intrepid reporter, Suzy McCoppin, goes deep undercover in order to guide you through the potentially murky waters of cyber lovin'.

Can you really swipe, click, match, wink your way to true love?

WEEK ONE: Tinder

Booty by zip code, Tinder uses GPS to locate people in your area with whom you can make beautiful monkey love—otherwise known as Grindr for straight peeps.

The app allows you to swipe through a catalogue of contenders, either right swiping to “like” or left swiping to "nope" in just one, single, incredibly satisfying finger movement.

If two people swipe right on each other, they each receive a match notification, and a dialogue can than ensue, i.e. “Your face or mine.”

Hot to not hot ratio: 1 to 30

Best pick up line: “Let’s take a walk. I have SPF 45.”

Worst Pick Up Line: “Can I bury my bone in your yard?”

Number of Matches in one Week: 19

 

HOTTEST GUY:

Thomas is the bartender you wish would slap you in the face with his cocktail...

Approach/chat up line: "Hi :)"

Conversation/Rapport skills: Stilted and monosyllabic.

Closing skills: Here's my number: "917 ***-****"

While I like a 917 number, as it indicates Thomas is from New York, I don't necessarily like being the one who has to do the calling/texting. I'm the chick, after all….It says so on my profile.

 

WEIRDEST GUY: 

Lives in a van down by the river......

Approach/chat up line: James actually had my favorite pick up-line on all of Tinder: "Let's go for a walk. I have SPF 45." Later however, he wrote back with an amendment: "Actually, it's SPF 70." Which can only mean one thing: James uses Neutrogena.

Conversation/Rapport skills: As his photo would suggest, James is a carefree nature lover who does not conform to societal rules. I was strongly considering going to second base with him right up till he revealed that he lives out of his SUV.

Closing skills: James......lives out of his SUV.

 

GUY MY MOM WOULD WANT ME TO DATE:

Me dating Tom would give my mom a raging boner....

Approach/chat up line: "How was your day? Were you able to able to enjoy this LA 'winter' weather?"

Conversation/Rapport skills: Tom was polite and boring. My mom would be suitably thrilled.

Closing skills: Weak. I finally texted him my number. Still waiting to hear back....

 

HELL TO THE NO GUY:

Dan draws ladies by the dozen with this subtle cunnilingus reference..

 

Approach/chat up line: "I'm gonna put my tongue on your clitoris until you secrete a baby gurl."

Conversation/Rapport skills: Spectacularly lewd.

Closing skills: I think I'm pregnant. Just kidding.

---------------------------------

DATES IN ONE WEEK: 1

BLOW BY BLOW SUMMARY:

He was an astonishingly hot Estonian model. Let’s call him Bjorn. Because that was his name. He was 6'3, blonde, blue eyes. Picture a giant Shiloh Jolie-Pitt with beard stubble.

To my delight, we matched and I sent him my number. Texting commenced and despite broken English, he made it quite clear that his intentions were strictly sexual. He invited himself over, but I told him that I had a girlfriend staying on my couch and that perhaps another night would be better. Estonia was undeterred and continued to aggressively seek an invitation.

After some deliberation, my friend Nell and I decided to treat this as an experimental and potentially comical interlude. “You sure this is a good idea,” she asked. “What if he murders us? Rapes us?” We quickly reviewed his pictures once again and decided you can’t rape the willing.

As for the former, neither of us are particularly happy people, so we were willing to chance it. I texted him my address. “I’ll be there in 30,” he replied, leaving me just enough time to dry shampoo, gargle, and strategically place defensive weaponry about my apartment. Mace on the end table, a steak knife in the couch cushions, incendiary device in the toilet. Okay, not really, but the mace and the steak knife were firmly in place.

Estonia arrived on cue, so his English allowed for time telling as well as overt sexual comment statements. Nell and I greeted him at the door, and were nearly assaulted by his handsomeness. It was literally upsetting. Looking at his face was like looking directly into the sun. It was just too much. So we squinted through a few moments of awkward of small talk, and laughed about our make shift boobie traps.

“I know how to commit the perfect murder,” Bjorn said. And went on to describe a macabre, psycho—sexual butchering, followed by a detailed protocol for avoiding capture. I instinctively reached down to where I was sure the butcher knife was stashed, but by then Bjorn had switched topics.

Long story short, he could not compute the fact that there were three of us present, but yet, a threesome was not going to take place. He was so perplexed by the situation, in fact, that we were forced to illustrate our refusal by drawing air circles around our hoo haas with imaginary lines through them.

Naturally this led to greater confusion as that’s essentially what sex is: a circle with a line through it. Anyway, in the end we all banged. Just kidding. But we are going to Ikea on Tuesday.

SUMMARY:

I laughed. I cried. It was better than Cats.

Born out of Grindr, a geosocial networking application geared towards gay, bisexual, and bi-curious men (see: glory holes by zip code), Tinder is hetero version of this cybernetic homo free-for all. Still, I was expecting an abundance of thinly veiled mating calls—but just so happened upon some eligible bachelors, an incontinent, and two dudes my mother would be thrilled to have me bring home for Thanksgiving.

Check back on Popdust every Friday for all new Adventures In Online Dating....next week—Craiglist Casual Encounters..

 

 

Brady Oestrike held Brooke Slocum captive for 5 days before strangling her to death. He is also believed to have murdered and then decapitated her boyfriend, 25-year-old Charles Oppenneer. His body has been found, but his head has yet to be recovered.

The 18-year-old Grand Rapids, Michigan woman was 8 months into her pregnancy when she met Brady on Craigslist and agreed to meet him for sex in exchange for money. She insisted that her boyfriend be there for added protection.

Her body was found in the trunk of Oestrike's car on Thursday. Police obtained a search warrant for Oestrike's home. He fled from police, crashed his car, and then fatally shot himself in the head. That’s when police discovered Slocum's body, according to ABC News. Police also suspect Oestrike murdered Oppenneer:

Chief James Carmody says her boyfriend [Oppenneer] was found decapitated in a park a day earlier. His head hasn't been found. It's likely that Oppenneer died of some kind of head trauma, but that couldn't be determined without his head being found, police said.

WOOD TV has more details on the investigation currently underway:

Investigators who searched through Oestrike's Wyoming home, which Carmody called a "hellish environment," recovered more than 400 items connected to the case. Included in those items were dozens of firearms and knives and ammunition. Computers, cameras and electronic monitoring devices – as well as items that belonged to Oppenneer and Slocum – were also found, Carmody said.

Carmody also discussed Oestrike's criminal history, which included two domestic assault complaints filed by his ex-girlfriend. The first was filed in May and the second was filed in June when Oestrike's ex moved out of his home, Carmody said.

Investigators have since made contact with the ex-girlfriend, and she is alive and well, according to Carmody.

Police are now being assisted by the FBI, and are currently investigating if there were other possible victims of Oestrike.

Ted Bundy... Gary Ridgway... John Wayne Gacy.

Some of the most prolific serial killers in U.S. history, each with a sizeable murder count. But it’s starting to look like all three combined have got nothing on Miranda Barbour from Pennsylvania.

The 19-year-old, who has been dubbed the Craigslist Killer, has confessed to killing 22 “bad people” - but admits to having lost track of exactly how many. When pressed, she said “under 100”.

So far, so horrifying. But it gets much, much more disturbing – we’re talking Satanism, cults, and doing things with semen even Liz Jones would balk at. How does a teenager from the Midwest become the new Hannibal Lecter? Let’s have a look.

Bonnie and Clyde

In a jailhouse interview, Barbour told Pennsylvania newspaper The Daily Item she and husband Elytte Barbour murdered Troy LaFerrara, a man they met through Craigslist.

Elytte apparently told investigators they wanted to kill someone together. He describes how Miranda stabbed Troy in the front seat of her car while he held a cord around the victim’s neck.

After they disposed of the body they went to a strip club to celebrate Elytte's 22nd birthday.

Miranda went on to claim she had killed at least 22 other people across the country, from Alaska to North Carolina as part of her involvement in a Satanic cult. Miranda claimed to adopt an alter ego she dubbed “Super Miranda”, and kept a favorite knife that had notches on for each of her victims.

"I feel it is time to get all of this out. I don't care if people believe me. I just want to get it out," she said.

Satan Made Me Do It

According to Miranda, she joined a Satanic cult at age 13 while still living in North Pole, Alaska. Claiming to have been sexually abused at the age of four, she said she was brought up in the cult by a man she refuses to identify. This is the person who apparently introduced her to killing, taking her along to collect money from someone who owed him a debt.

“It was in an alley and [the cult leader] shot him,” she claims. “Then he said to me that it was my turn to shoot him. I hate guns. I don’t use guns. I couldn’t do it, so he came behind me and he took his hands and put them on top of mine and we pulled the trigger. And then from there I just continued to kill.”

Frank Scarcella from The Daily Item, reports that a roommate of Miranda claimed the killer once got two vials of semen from her husband and used them to masturbate as part of a Satanic ritual.

She has an infant son but the baby’s father is a possible victim and they are investigating it. Miranda also claimed to have gotten pregnant while in the cult, so the members gave her an at-home abortion.

The Honey Trap

Miranda would find victims on Craigslist and other websites by hiring herself out as a 'companion' for $50 to $850 an hour. Elytte had no issue with this because he said all that was happening was pleasant chit-chat.

“She is not a prostitute,” he said. “What she does is meet men who have broken marriages or have no one in their lives, and she meets with them and has delightful conversation.”

Oh, Elytte. Delightful conversation???

The Dexter Comparison

Miranda showed absolutely no remorse because she claimed to only kill “bad people” – those who abused children or owed money. She says she will absolutely kill again if set free.

“He is proud of what he did,” she said of her husband. “I will always love him. I know I will never see my husband again and I have accepted that. I know I wanted to talk about all this because I know I had a 20-year window where I would possibly get out of jail and I don’t want that to happen. If I were to be released, I would do this again. By no means is this a way to glorify it or get attention. I’m telling you because it is time for me to be honest and I feel I need to be honest.”

Prosecutors are seeking the death penalty for both Miranda and Elytte.

The oldies are the goodies..

Think you've seen it all?

Think again..

When it comes to bizarre this Craigslist ad takes the cake (or crab meat... or train set as the case may be...)

Guys, form an orderly line.....