Woman calls 911 cat hostage situation going down!

A Wisconsin woman rang 911 to report her cray cray canine gone rogue.

The felonious feline lost the plot and viciously attacked the woman's husband apparently.

But the situation intensified, after the crazed cat then held the injured husband and his wife “hostage" in their home.

So, what's a victim to do in such a situation?

Call the boys in blue, of course!

Here's how the 911 call went down:

Dispatch: Greenfield Police Department, this is Luke how may I help you?
Caller
: This is going to sound like a strange question.
We have a cat and it's going crazy and it's attacked my husband.
And we're kind of hostage in our house.
We're just wondering who we should call to do something, get rid of the cat or help us.
Dispatch
: This is your cat?
Caller: It's our own cat, yes.
Dispatch: So, it's your own pet?
Caller: Yes.
Dispatch
: Give me one second.

Haha… that's not embarrassing…

That's not embarrassing at all....

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Drunk Driver Beer Battered Fish

A serial drunk driver claimed in his defense that he smelled of alcohol because he'd just eaten beer battered fish at lunch.

John Przbyla,76 was pulled over in October 2014 for a broken tail light, but when the cop started speaking to him he could smell booze, saw that his eyes were blood shot and glassy and spotted an open can of Red Dog on the passenger seat of his truck.

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A fishy defense

He was driving on a revoked license and when the cop asked him if he'd been drinking, the pensioner replied that he had not had a drink, but that he was on his way home from a fish fry where he had consumed "beer battered fish".

The cop didn't buy it and had Przbyla perform field sobriety tests, which he failed. When a blood alcohol test was eventually carried out (the old guy refused stating it was against his religion), his reading at 0.062% was actually below the acceptable legal limit of 0.08.  However Przybyla has form when it comes to DUI and has a court-imposed limit of 0.02 which he was more than three times over.

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It kinda looks like the fish didn't agree with him.

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The case came to court in Wisconsin yesterday and the justice system lost patience with this repeat offender—it was his tenth drunk driving offense and the Adams County jury found him guilty.  They didn't buy the batter defense, maybe he should have said he had a crepe suzette for dessert? Przbyla now faces a maximum of more than 12 years in jail—effectively meaning he could see out his days inside.

Do they have fish friday in the slammer?

 

Drunk Driver Beer Battered Fish

 

wisconsin neighbor chanting isis sex

Nothing but nothing gets you in the mood for some sexi-times like the thought of global terrorism, beheadings, mutilations and mass murder, right?

That’s the thinking of an elderly Wisconsin woman it seems, who called the cops on her neighbor, claiming she heard him chanting “ISIS is good! ISIS is great!” during sex.

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According to WDJT the 82-year-old called authorities Sunday night to report her concerns over the terrorist-sex loving neighbor, who lives in her apartment complex in Brown Deer.

An officer was dispatched to interview the woman—and although they couldn’t completely rule out the ISIS sexi-times chanting claim, after speaking with her they determined there was no terror threat, and no need for further investigation.

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"They couldn't necessarily validate it, but didn't dismiss it either," Police Chief Michael Kass says, adding that the woman seemed "kind of confused and worried people will not believe her."

Meanwhile, the officer asked the woman to remain vigilant, and to call back if she heard any further nefarious nighttime sex terror activity.

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"We subscribe to the saying, 'See something, say something,'" Kass explains.

"We don't want to discourage people from reporting potential terror attacks. But this seems odd."

Indeed.

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We're gonna hazard a guess that the neighbor's only true "crime" is looking swarthy in Wisconsin...

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Mississippi continues to dominate the dojo for fattest state in the U.S. for the ninth consecutive year. In a related story, Mississippi is also one of the dumbest states, with the average IQ being 94.2-that’s almost 6 points below average. In another related story, it’s also the most religious, with a whopping 61% loving the shit out of the Lord. Not surprisingly, Mississippi is also one of the most Republican states. Hmmmm....Fat, stupid, Holy and Republican. Are you seeing a theme?

West Virginia took home the silver for second fattest state, but the gold for fattest city in the country! Congratulations, Huntington! Go have a Hillbilly Hot Dog, which, incidentally, gets 5 ½ stars on TripAdvisor!

Louisiana came in third for fattest bastards in the union.

Meanwhile, Colorado maintains its title as the leanest, which is surprising when you consider how much pot they smoke. What do they eat when they get the munchies? Kale?

And, according to a new analysis by CalorieLab, Inc. Alaska got fat while Californians slimmed down. Thank you cross fit. And bulimia.

Wisconsin’s obesity rate rose a full one percent. They also have one of the lowest rates of breast-fed children in the county, which, when you consider the state’s cheese obsession, suggests they are a state bent on overcompensating.

Move over, Washington D.C., here comes something leaner. Hawaii surpassed the District of Columbia as second slimmest state, a spot D.C. had held for three years. Makes sense considering the states unofficial uniform is a lei.

In general, the coastal states rank lowest in the fattest stakes, while states in the South and the Rust Belt tend to be the fattest.