Would you rather be trapped on a raft with Kevin Costner when he has matted hair and a seashell earring or return to using AOL dial-up? Would you prefer to discover a demonic cat boy in your home or be cursed to hear every man's waking thought?
If Hollywood movie executives were forced to answer those questions, then maybe they'd show more discretion towards what source material they choose for film reboots. As of now, we're braced for a barrage of superhero flicks and live-action Disney remakes. Not that Hollywood cares, but if we're going to fall into the nostalgic void, some movies deserve revisiting more than others.
Rebooting any of these 80s and 90s favorites would be better than a sixth Grudge movie:
1.The Craft (1996)
The Craft poster that hung on every teenage girl's wall.The Mary Sue
It's the cult hit that confirmed a teenage girl and the devil are one and the same. Coming-of-age movies always find an audience, but a remake of The Craft would be a reprieve from the overly-saccharine tones of today's young adult films and CW network's teen dramas. Robin Tunney, for one, has been ready for a remake of her breakout film since 2016, when the studio first teased the idea for the film's 20th anniversary. While producers confirm they're still developing a script, Tunney regularly reunites with Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, and Rachel True for fan conventions and occasional exorcisms.
2. Trading Places (1983)
Trading Places explored the crapshoot of economic and racial difference.NPR
Even though Eddie Murphy favors his hit Coming to America to this John Landis comedy, he and Dan Ackroyd were excellent at exploring class and racial differences during the economic boom of the 80s. Remaking the comedy today would be a biting satire of today's socio-economic turbulence.
3. Clueless (1995)
Clueless should be rebooted for today's Uber and Postmates generation.Insider
It sounds classy to say this was loosely based on Jane Austen's Emma, but this teen flick was written purely for 90s mall rats and sexually frustrated high schoolers. We're stoked that a remake is supposedly in progress with Glow-writer Marquita Robinson, but a modern-day Clueless would be a massive undertaking, remapping the original's fashion, technology, politics, and dating culture.
4. Gremlins (1984)
We deserve more Gremlins.Creative Tourist
Original director Joe Dante has been teasing a remake of the creepy-cute horror-comedy for decades. In 2014, he acknowledged fans' fatigue with the wait: "I am not involved with it. It's something that we hear about every six months for the past five to 10 years. I know there have been many attempts to do it. It's tricky because the rights are jointly owned by Warner Bros and [Steven Spielberg's] Amblin, so you've got to jump through two hurdles to get your idea approved." More Mogwai are always welcome; if we can live with Will Smith as a big blue genie in Aladdin, we can accept anything.
5. You've Got Mail (1998)
You've Got Mail was nervous about corporate power and tech in 1998. Those were the days.The New York Times
Admittedly, outdated social features in this 90s rom-com include chat rooms, independent bookstores, and a triumphant human spirit. But reimagining the film's conflicts over corporate takeovers and communication technology would be a refreshing take on today's Amazon Prime addictions and bad Tinder dates.
6. Short Circuit (1986) / Short Circuit (1988)
Short Circuit believed robots looked like toasters.Gizmodo
It seems every 80s movie imagined the future was full of junkyard robots and abandoned laws of physics. A reboot of the Short Circuit films would bridge a comedic middle ground between Ex Machina and Wall-E. Again, our hopes for a remake have been toyed with since 2012, with IMDB claiming that writer Brent Maddock re-envisioned the sentient robot and his weird human friends: "Number 5, one of a group of experimental military robots, undergoes a sudden transformation after being struck by lightning. He develops self-awareness, consciousness, and a fear of the reprogramming that awaits him back at the factory. With the help of a troubled young boy, Number 5 tries to evade capture and convince his creator that he has truly become alive."
7. Waterworld (1995)
Waterworld's Sea Eater scene was almost worth the trauma.Film Takeout
Someone dare James Cameron to remake Waterworld. In 1995, it was the most expensive film ever made. With the Avatar director resetting this record with nearly each of his movies, he'd probably flood an entire American city to shoot the opening titles.
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