How to survive Met Gala night — even if you’re just watching in your peejays
Why Does the Met Gala take it out of me? It’s my Super Bowl — and every year I feel like I’ve played the big game, or attended the big event — falling into my bed completely wrung out. All this, after doing nothing but sitting on my couch. Why?
Despite not actually participating in the official festivities on the first Monday in May, I do participate in my own way. The mental, and sometimes physical, strain of judging other people’s outfits has me furiously texting group chats, drafting think pieces in my head, and leaping off my sofa to cheer at the TV when I see something I adore.
For hours, my eyes are glued to Vogue’s live stream of the most glam, red-carpet event of the year. This is fashion’s equivalent of the Oscars, the Grammys, the New York City Marathon, and any other seminal event — and it’s mine too. So I take my prep seriously. I prepare a full spread of snacks, charcuterie, and wine. I get in my comfiest clothes. And I load up on Red Bull and Gatorade. Then I make up fun drinking games like “whenever a Kardashian shows up looking off-theme - TAKE A SHOT.” Well … usually.
Arriving at work sluggish and sleep-deprived the wine and sugar crash is not my favorite part of this ritual. And “it was the Met Gala” is not a good excuse to explain my grouchiness. This year, I made one small change that made all the difference.
Enter: Cure Hydration.
I wasn’t really willing to relinquish all my traditions, and with Cure Hydration I didn’t have to. I’m old enough to know that loading up on hydration is crucial to a speedy recovery from a long woozy-boozy night. I learned this lesson the hard way in college — who knew I’d need to rely on it for a night basically spent alone in my apartment.
With Cure Hydration, all you need is a glass of water and one of their hydration-boosting sachets. Cure Hydrationpackets contain 4 times the electrolytes of leading sports drinks without all the extra sugar and restore balance to your body.
Stir one Cure Hydration sachet in water and you have the equivalent electrolytes of four sports drinks. Goodbye Gatorade, hello Cure Hydration. Their formula is based on the World Health Organization’s ORS (Oral Rehydration Solution). This has been used to successfully maximize hydration for water-insecure communities and has been proven to hydrate as effectively as an IV drip.
Plus, with no added sugar, there’s no crash. I’m the proof: I watched the Met Gala with all the impassioned fervor I usually do and woke up this morning actually feeling better than I did the day before.
With increased stamina, my takes on the event are more invested, sharper, and a titch more brutal —just how I like them.
The 2022 Met Gala’s theme was “Gilded Glamor.” Drawing from the Golden Age —a time of excess and ostentatiousness — it was the perfect theme for creativity and drama. Too bad it was a tawdry parade of skintight sequin dresses.
We were expecting Bridgerton vibes, inspiration from the show The Golden Age, and lots of big skirts and OTT hairstyles. While some understood the assignment — and some more subtle approaches actually worked — the majority of the attendees fumbled the bag — as per usual.
From my point of view, here are some of the highlights of the good, the bad, and the … intriguing?
The Good: Lizzo in Thom Browne
One thing about Lizzo is she’ll always put on a show. One of the best-dressed of the night, Lizzo wore a dramatic black gown and gold-adorned cape with matching accessories. Thom Browne’s flair for updated traditional pieces was on full display here, and so was Lizzo’s performance acumen when she brought out her golden flute to play a song. Iconic!
The Good: Gabrielle Union in Versace
No one needed to remind Gabrielle Union of the theme. She came to remind us. Union paid homage to the darker history of the Gilded Age with a red, crystallized flower on the waist of her elegant silver gown. She told Vogue: “we added these red crystals to represent the blood spilled during the accumulation of gross wealth by a few during the Gilded Age, off of the backs of Black people and people of color in this country.” This poignant message was one of the most chill-inducing moments of the night.
The Good: Quannah Chasinghorse in Prabal Gurung and Lenise Omeasoo
In a similar vein, Indigenous model and activist Quannah Chasinghorse wore a decadent blue gown accessorized with jewelry by Indigenous artist and activist, Lenise Omeasoo. Omeasoo posted the statement necklace on Instagram, saying: “Each beaded tipi upon her necklace represents her community’s love and support. May she inspire many and break countless more boundaries in the fashion world.”
The Good: Blake Lively in Versace
As one of the hosts of the night, of course Blake Lively brought the drama. A Met Gala favorite, Lively had a lot to live up to. So she stunned in a dress that transformed before our eyes right there on the red carpet. Inspired by New York architecture and the epochal buildings which rose up to form the Manhattan skyline during the Gilded Age, her metallic dress paid homage to buildings like Grand Central and the Empire State. It then transformed to teal? Turquoise? Teal-y Turquoise? to symbolize Lady Liberty — shocking in the best way.
The Good: Hailey Bieber in YSL
Hailey’s elegant look achieves precisely what Kim Kardashian was aiming for (more on that later). This masterclass in minimalism was super on-theme. The accessories were world-class. Her fur shawl added the necessary drama, while her nylons and black heels took the look from basic to perfectly sleek and subtly glamorous. Brava.
The Bad: Camilla Cabello in Prabal Gurung
Is it me, or does this remind you of a product on an episode of the show Is It Cake? where it’s way too obvious that it’s cake? The fit is off, the skirt is somehow too sensational and not sensational enough. And her glam is giving Selena Gomez in 2019 at the Heavenly Bodies gala — which is to say, greasy and regrettable.
The Bad: Kylie Jenner in Off-White
Respectfully … no. Kylie was giving 2012 Tumblr vibes with her backward snapback and mesh tee … which turned into a cake-topper-like gown. While the bottom of the dress was adequately big and dramatic, the top half was confusing and unrelated to the theme. One of the most egregious looks of the night.
The Bad: Amy Schumer in Gabriela Hearst
Unfortunately, many Met Gala looks are lackluster and forgettable. Somehow, Amy Schumer’s drab dress was so poorly executed that I can’t forget it — and instead makes the Worst Dressed List of the night. What is gilded or glamorous about this, Amy? Nothing.
The … Intriguing: Kim Kardashian as Marilyn Monroe
For weeks, rumors had been flying around that Kim Kardashian would wear the for-real Marilyn Monroe dress that she famously wore to sing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” to JFK. While rumors proved true, the execution left a little to be desired. Just one night before the Met Gala, Kim K attended the White House Correspondents Dinner and was hyper-primed for the Marilyn era. Although she went blonde for the occasion, her slicked-back hair would really have rocked had it been styled like Ms. Monroe’s. Instead, the glam was too predictable — where was the signature red lip? And that shawl — that shawl! — where’d she get that? Looks like some polyester schmatta from FashionNova. It seemed to me that she’d just shimmied into that quintessential vintage dress — can it be true that the dress is 60 years old??! — then strutted onto the carpet. There's also discourse around the unhealthy amount of weight she lost to fit into the dress and the glorifying of diet culture. Yikes.
The… Intriguing: Evan Mock in Head of State
Skater boy Evan Mock has quickly become Fashion It-boy Evan Mock due to his trademark pink hair, Instagram fame, and being cast in the Gossip Girl reboot. This experimental look was so close to being one of my soiree favorites… if only it had fit better. The corset rests awkwardly on his hipbones and the oversized pants weren't closely tailored. I wanted a shorter corset! I wanted abs! I wanted a full-on daring look — he has it in him to pull it off! I did — however — love that he supported a young designer. Definitely a notable look of the night. But good? So close, but no cigar.
The … Intriguing: Billie Eilish in Gucci
There are lots of aspects to admire in Billie Eilish’s look. But after she was one of the best dressed last year as one of the hosts, this Gucci ensemble falls short. The dress is definitely on-theme, and its reference to a Gilded Era portrait is artful. However, the dress itself is far less impressive than the inspiration. The skirt draped oddly and that dark hair looked off-kilter. One commendable thing about the dress is its use of “existing materials,” making it a zero-waste outfit. We love to see it … I just wished I loved it more.
The… Intriguing: Ansel Elgort being invited at all
Proof that “cancel culture” doesn’t exist: Ansel Elgort copping an invite to the most exclusive event of the year after allegations against him emerged during the pandemic. Did they imagine we’d forget? And did he think we’d be swayed by an outfit that looks like he’s cosplaying as a dumbwaiter? No to both.