Satire
Satire

8 Options for Donald Trump to Come Back "in Some Form"

Whether as a Pokémon, a Force ghost, or a cable news pundit, we can expect to see a lot more of Donald Trump.

In recent weeks reports have surfaced that former-president Trump has been telling people that he could somehow be reinstated to the presidency, possibly as soon as August of this year.

But for as much fanfare as those stories have gotten — given that they're based on absolutely nothing — it's worth noting that they aren't really a new issue. Back in January, Donald Trump was addressing a gathering of his followers at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland for the final speech of his presidency, and dropped some similar hints.

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Culture Feature

Why Do Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina-Scented Candles Keep "Exploding?"

Is it normal for a candle to come with this many warnings?

When you get a new candle, what's the first thing you do?

Obviously, like any responsible candle owner, you immediately check the safety instructions to make sure that you're observing all necessary protocol to avoid a violent explosion of flames — before locking it in your candle safe. But it turns out that not everyone is like us. There are some dangerous individuals out there who are buying candles without the understanding that they are essentially deadly weapons.

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Culture Feature

Joe Rogan Is Right — Straight White Men Are Being Silenced!

Won't anyone please consider the plight of the straight white man?

I'm not supposed to be saying this.

I'm not really sure I'm supposed to be saying anything at all. Because the truth is... I'm a straight white man.

I know it's shocking. I'll probably be fired before I can finish typing this sentence. A straight white male being paid to voice his opinions in the year of our lord 2021 — and saying shit like "year of our lord" as if it weren't bad enough already.

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Satire

Surviving New York City's First Legal 4/20

Everyone's favorite "gateway drug" is about to open a gateway to hell in NYC.

Without checking your cupboards, how many days of snack food do you have stocked up?

If you don't know the answer, it's already too late. April 20th is upon us — AKA 4/20, AKA Kiefster Funday, AKA the Feast of Saint Bowlentine. And it's about to tear our civilization apart...

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FADE IN:

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION — NIGHT

MICHAEL (71, balding, white) sits across from LISA (64, slim, white) at a poolside table, looking out over Los Angeles lit up beneath them. Michael's tie is undone, and shirt partially unbuttoned to reveal a shock of greying chest hair he takes a long, satisfied drag on a CIGARETTE, then passes it to Lisa, who draws on it thoughtfully, looking into the middle distance.

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TV News

Are You Dreaming This?: Donald Glover's Amazon Deal Proves That 2021 Is Just a Weird Dream

Why would a remake of Mr. and Mrs. Smith star Donald Glover and Phoebe Waller-Bridge?

Things just seem a bit off lately, don't they? Not quite real?

If you're not feeling it yet, that might be because you haven't yet looked into the insane eight-figure deal that Donald Glover just signed with Amazon.

Previously we talked about how Armie Hammer's disturbing DMs and Elizabeth Smart on "Masked Dancer" were signs that this whole year might be a fever dream. But with the new details of writer-producer-actor-rapper-comedian Donald Glover's massive deal with Amazon, we can now confirm that the events of 2021 are all in your head.

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