This is the lord's day. There is no body shaming on the lord's day.
First, God created the heavens and the earth; second, he made the sea and the animals; and then, he created people.
God quickly realized he'd made a mistake with the "people" recipe, so he tried again, a few billion years later, and thus was born the gift that is Lizzo. If there is anything that proves the presence of a loving and sentient god, surely it's Lizzo in all her flute-playing, note-hitting, body-positive glory. But, apparently, some would disagree.
On Sunday, Rapper and businessman Diddy hosted the "world's biggest dance-a-thon" on his Instagram account in an effort to raise money to benefit healthcare workers in underserved areas. Many big names and excellent dancers joined in, including Jennifer Lopez, Alex Rodriguez, and, of course, Lizzo.
As is her trademark, Lizzo started to twerk while Diddy's sons danced on his Instagram live stream. Diddy quickly shut it down, shouting, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" jumping into the frame and stopping the music. "It's Easter Sunday, let's play something a little more family friendly." Lizzo appeared to be, understandably, embarrassed and said, "Sorry, sorry, sorry! Let's do something fun. Well, don't play that kind of... play something I can bop to."
P Diddy ain’t SHIT 😭 When Lizzo started twerking he brought that to an end with the quickness but had nothing to sa… https://t.co/W13J0bVHV1— Baby Goat🐐 🇬🇭🇨🇮 (@Baby Goat🐐 🇬🇭🇨🇮)1586766277.0
If Diddy had found Lizzo's dance moves too suggestive for his sons, that would be one thing. But he soon proved that the twerking wasn't the problem when model Draya Michele danced similarly on the dance-a-thon just a few hours later.
"You killed that!" Diddy told Draya. "I think that was one of the top performances."
Twitter users, rightfully, had issues with Diddy's hypocrisy.
Lizzo started twerking on Diddy’s IG live & Diddy talking bout stop its Easter Sunday but Draya twerks on that same… https://t.co/8YyiAbTwvY— Hoodrat Barbie (@Hoodrat Barbie)1586779975.0
You all hate that Lizzo expresses herself the way she does yet have little to no objection when that same expressio… https://t.co/Cd2iyza8Zi— Ahmad K. Khan, Ph.D (@Ahmad K. Khan, Ph.D)1586764505.0
I just gotta say diddy stopped Lizzo twerking but didn’t do the same when Draya did. And then ppl don’t wanna belie… https://t.co/F7xEnDUTbg— enormouspotato (@enormouspotato)1586782458.0
It's obvious that Diddy shutting down Lizzo's dancing had nothing to do with it being "the Lord's day" and everything to do with fat phobia. Online backlash was so severe that he later tried to excuse himself by claiming that he stopped Lizzo because of the song she chose: "When I stopped the music, it was 'cause it had a lot of curses in there," he posted on Instagram. "Not 'cause she was twerking. She's one of the best twerkers in the world, okay? So, let's keep that clear. You are allowed to twerk on Easter. There was a lot of cursing in the record and I don't need child services knocking on my door right now." Cursing on Instagram has never brought child services to anyone's door, but okay, Diddy.
It's sad that some people still can't see the divine miracle that is the female form in all its many variations—especially the holy gift of Lizzo's butt. Of course, so close to Easter, all we can do is pray for Diddy's hypocritical, fat phobic soul and twerk our hearts out, no matter what size we are.
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Basically, just take the day to be a decent person.
Most years, April Fool's day is a fun little break from the mundanity of daily life.
It's a day to celebrate chaos and mischief in the midst of an otherwise unremarkable part of the year. Whether you tend to be the prankster or the pranked, odds are that this is usually a day full of practical jokes, playful communications, and general antics.
But this year, things feel a little different. The rhythm of our daily lives has already been thoroughly shattered, and it's safe to say everyone is feeling a little fragile and spooked without the addition of surprise practical jokes. Honestly, none of us have the energy for April Fool's day. If anyone tries to plant a fake spider in my cupboard or rig the sink to shoot me in the face, I swear to f*cking god I will lose my ever loving MIND OKAY, STEVE?! OKAY? DO YOU HEAR ME?
While pranks may be out of the question, it feels like a shame to let a usually enjoyable day pass by unremarked. If you think about, life as we know it at the moment is already one big, startling, slightly mean-spirited joke. So, this year, how about we celebrate April Fool's Day with anti-pranks?
An anti-prank is the opposite of a practical joke. While a practical joke aims to shock, disgust, or otherwise inconvenience a victim in a comical way, an anti-prank aims to soothe, delight, or convenience a victim in a comical way. That's right, this year, April Fool's is all about making people feel good. Here are some examples of anti-pranks you can pull on your loved ones to celebrate April Fool's day in quarantine!
While the person in this video put water in the balloon over the door, we recommend filling your balloon with slips of paper that say things you like about the person you're pranking. That way, when they open the door and pop the balloon, a confetti storm of love falls down around them!
Buy Someone Toilet Paper
Whatever you do, don't you dare do any of these toilet paper pranks. Those kind of shenanigans are reserved for when toilet paper isn't worth its weight in gold. Instead, anonymously leave a pack of toilet paper on a neighbor's porch with a note that explains you're participating in Anti-April Fools Day. They'll be delighted and hopefully pass on the random act of kindness.
Call Your Mom
Instead of clogging up the phone lines with annoying prank calls, literally just call your mom and check in. That's it. That's the whole prank.
Make a Treat for the People You Live With
Instead of making something misleading and gross like onion's covered in caramel, just make a delicious treat to share with the people you're quarantined with. They'll appreciate it, and it'll help brighten up the monotony of self-isolation.
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But happy belated 80th birthday, I guess.
In days of Internet memes past, there was a name in constant circulation: Chuck Norris.
The memes about the action movie star all largely shared the same format: an image of Chuck Norris or a seemingly unrelated image and then copy that read something like, "Chuck Norris hit 11 out of 10 targets with nine bullets," or "When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the world down."